September | 2007 | Bertram's Blog

Kill your darlings

September 30, 2007 — Pat Bertram

Our darlings are all those bits that we hate to part with. We think they add to the story, but in reality all they do is slow it down. In my novel, More Deaths Than One, I had my hero Bob going to a Vietnam Vet support group and listening in, but I had to kill the discussion because it served no purpose. So here, for you, I am unkilling it:

Marvin’s voice rose in anger. “My kid came home from school the other day and told me we lost in Vietnam because the American military did not know jungle warfare.”

“Horseshit,” Frank said. “We didn’t lose. We left.”

“After winning every major battle,” Dolph added. “But, like Korea, it was not a war. We were only supposed to be there, a presence, until the people who make those kinds of decisions got what they wanted.”

Gaston leaned forward. “Even if you Yanks didn’t know jungle warfare, we Australians did. We’re tough and well trained, and are some of the best jungle fighters in the world. Everyone seems to have forgotten we were in Vietnam, too. So were thirty thousand Canadians, though I’m not sure how much they knew about jungle warfare.”

“But the South Koreans did,” Dolph said. “Man, those guys were really good at hand-to-hand combat. I’m glad they were on our side. So were the Chinese mercenaries, the Nungs, and they definitely knew jungle warfare. There were also some French soldiers who remained after France pulled out of the country.”

“That’s beside the point. We Americans”—Frank pounded the air using his fist as a hammer—“know jungle warfare. What the hell do they think we were doing in World War Two? Much of that action took place in jungles—Burma, the Philippines, the South Pacific, to name a few. And the OSS was already in Vietnam back then, helping the Viet Minh fight the Japanese. While the OSS was teaching the Viet Minh modern warfare, the Viet Minh were teaching the OSS their way of fighting. So anyone who says we lost because we didn’t know jungle warfare is full of shit.”

Marvin made balloons of his cheeks, then blew out the air. “I tried telling my kid that, but he wouldn’t believe me. I hate to think what other crap they’re teaching him.”

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The moving finger writes, and having writ, continues to write.

September 29, 2007 — Pat Bertram

I’ve heard that one of the questions published authors most hate to be asked is where they get their ideas. To them, the talented ones, the question is silly–they have more ideas than they can possibly put to paper. But the rest of us have to struggle to find an idea that will capture out time and attention for the months and years it will take to write the book, to rewrite it and rewrite it again.

So, for us idea-challenged writers, where do stories come from? They don’t come from anywhere. They have to be created and nurtured and grown in the hopes that someday they will take shape. Beyond that, the most important thing is to write.

After all, whether published or unpublished, a writer writes. Always.

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The Match King

September 29, 2007 — Pat Bertram

Early in the twentieth century, Ivar Kreuger, a match manufacturer, managed to corner the match market. Through various deals, he ended up with the exclusive rights to sell matches in many countries, including most of Europe, but this monopoly was not enough for him. Back then, it was a common practice for two or three people to light their cigarettes from the same match. Ivar realized that if he could somehow keep that third person from using the match, he could greatly increase his sales, so he had his advertising department start the rumor that it was unlucky to light three cigarettes from the same match. Tales were told of dreadful things happening to the third person who used a match, like the bride who had been left at the altar and the soldier who was killed after each had lit a cigarette from a match which two others had already used. Even today, though most people use lighters, the superstition that it’s unlucky to light three cigarettes from the same match still persists.

That’s the power of words. How many of us bloggers and writers use them wisely?

Posted in blogging, writing. Tags: Ivar Kreuger, The Match King, three on a match. 1 Comment »

Cool Guys are C…C…C…Cool

September 27, 2007 — Pat Bertram

Cary Grant, Clark Gable, Gary Cooper. Hard guys with hard names. And what about Michael Caine, Sean Connery, Kevin Costner, Nicholas Cage, Clint Eastwood? More hard guys with hard names.

Is it any accident that some of the world’s best-selling authors are men with hard names? King. Would he ever have become King if he had a name like Shayne? Only if his first name was Mike. And don’t forget Koontz, Clancy, Cook.

I thought a lot about using a pseudonym, something hard like Cole Black that would immediately proclaim: here is an author with an edge. But there would be problems with a pseudonym: cashing royalty checks; explaining to a publisher that I’m not hiding anything by using a fake name; being invited to the White House as Cole Black and only having identification for Pat Bertram. Ouch.

In the end I decided to stick with my own name. It’s a good-sounding name for an author. Besides, it has the whole androgynous “It’s Pat” thing going for it. I can be the author I want without trying to live up to a fictitious name or persona.

And anyway, p’s and b’s and t’s and r’s didn’t hurt Brad Pitt any.

Posted in writing. Tags: movies, pseudonym. Leave a Comment »

As the ax descended, she struggled in vain.

September 26, 2007 — Pat Bertram

I’m sitting here trying to come up with a witty first line, something that will immediately catapult me into a story, but all I can think of is Billy Crystal in Throw Mama From the Train. I remember watching him struggle for the perfect first line, the perfect word until I wanted to scream “Skip the first line! Start anywhere! Or at least dig out a thesaurus.” But that was before I started to write, and now I find myself doing the same thing.

Odd that first lines are so important, yet few set the mood or do anything else they’re supposed to. And fewer still are memorable. Probably the best known line is “It was a dark and stormy night,” but it’s also considered to be the worst first line in history. Why? It seems evocative to me, and though it’s supposed to be redundant, even city people should know that stormy nights are not always dark. Maybe that’s why I haven’t yet found a publisher. Maybe I just don’t get it.

How about this for a first line? First and last, actually. As the ax descended toward her head, the young mother struggled in vain to free her hands from the nylon rope. But that doesn’t tell us who she is, why someone killed her, or why we should care.

And that’s not what I want to write anyway. I’ve always wanted to write the story of a love that transcended time and physical bonds, told with sensitivity and great wisdom. Unfortunately, as one agent pointed out, I have a matter-of-fact writing style, little talent, and no wisdom. So I put words to the page one at a time, and thank heavens I can always rewrite later.

Now if I can only think of that first perfect word.

Posted in writing. Tags: first lines, movies, perfect words, wisdom. Leave a Comment »

The Art of Procrastination

September 25, 2007 — Pat Bertram

It seems as if lately the only art I’m practicing is the art of procrastination.

There’s no art in going about your daily life and telling yourself you have no time to write. The art is in pursuing other activities to keep from going about your daily life and telling yourself you have no time to write.

Thus far in my procrastination, I have:

Taken an on-line class to increase my word-processing skills
Read almost the entire oeuvre of a best-selling author to see why she’s so popular (still have no clue)
Cleaned out my closets
Started this blog

It would probably be easier just to sit down and begin writing the novel, but where’s the art in that?

Posted in writing. Tags: procrastination. 1 Comment »