About Pat Bertram

Pat Bertram, born and raised in Colorado, has become something of a nomad, looking for adventure in whatever comes her way — writing, blogging, hiking, and road tripping in her vintage Volkswagen. She’s now settled down in a vintage house with her vintage car and a closetful of hats.

Although Pat writes mostly fiction, she wrote two non-fiction books about grief, as well as one grief-inspired novel. After the death of her life mate/soul mate in 2010, Pat has used this blog to write about the experience of grief. Along the way she has received and replied to thousands of emails from many of her readers who have also lost a loved one, and in the process has come to the conclusion that much of the orthodoxy surrounding grief is simply wrong. She wrote  Grief: The Great Yearning, a well-received memoir about her experiences of the first year of grief, Grief: The Inside Story — A Guide to Surviving the Loss of a Loved One, a book about grief from the perspective of the tenth year, and Unfinished, a novel about a widow who discovers that her beloved husband has many secrets.

Pat has also written five suspense novels, Madame ZeeZee’s NightmareLight Bringer, Daughter Am I, More Deaths Than One, and A Spark of Heavenly Fire.

Visit Pat Bertram at: Facebook, Good Reads, Twitter


25 Responses to “About Pat Bertram”

  1. ~Sia~ Says:

    I’ve been in awe of Pat’s dedication to the craft of good writing for some time. I also like the fact she’s not into cardboard characters or passe’ plots.

    I enjoyed what I was able to read of More Deaths than One.

    Pat is amazing.

  2. LuAnn Morgan Says:

    I enjoyed reading more about you than what’s on your Goodreads profile!

  3. PurpleB Says:

    your post about grief captured my attention. Thanks. And congrates on surviving

  4. Frances Says:

    …you are of course, right. We have no place for grief in our world, most people do not know what to say to someone who is grieving and so rather than be in silence and witness with you the loss and the space, well meaning but clueless people sat sill things that somehow get stuck in your ear canals. You do not get over losing a love, ever. Full stop. Period. Time doesn’t heal, it just makes space for the absence. And the hardest thing to come to grips with is that life does go on, the sun rises and sets. Thank you for writing that.

    • Pat Bertram Says:

      People always mention that they don’t know what to say to us, but they don’t need to say anything, do they? The best thing they can do, as you said, is sit in silence and witness with you the loss. It’s the caring that counts, not the words.

  5. Emma McCoy Says:

    I nominated you for The Next Big Thing blog hop so you can post about your work in progress.

  6. Gigi Says:

    Hello Pat,
    You don’t know me but I happen to google 6 month grief survival and found your post and now blog. I’m sorry for your loss. Your post was a realistic opinion of grief and not a over processed version of what people say we should feel or experience during this time. As I cope with the loss of my mother, I just wanted to say thank you for sharing your words; it is comforting to read from someone who truly understands. Unfortunately, this is an experience you can’t prepare for and but can only walk your own individual journey once you’re on it.

    From one survivor to another, I wish you peace.


    • Pat Bertram Says:

      I’m glad you found some comfort in my words, Gigi. This experience of grief is a personal one, and yet we need to know that others have felt what we feel. I’m sorry about your mother. Wishing you peace in return.

  7. gumbaj Says:

    He’s not away from you…He’s among the stars..watching you every moment, missing you & a bit sad after seeing you sad. He wants you to enjoy your life…so to make him happy..just be happy. Say “cheese”. This world is full of pain & sorrow (http://www.lettersofnote.com/2012/11/i-will-always-be-there-with-you.html)…but we have to move on. Keep smiling 🙂

  8. Loveena Says:

    Dear Pat I just came across your blog and it helped me in realizing that i’m not alone in this grief…i’m 19 and its been 75 days since I’ve lost my soul mate in a car accident; we shared a love that was so intense and pure that I feel I’ll love him for the rest of my life! I’m still trying to find a way to live again because I’ve so far known the best part of life I was so unaware of the other side but I guess I’m stronger than my pain is . I’m going to follow your blog I hope to find the support thank you.

    • Pat Bertram Says:

      Loveena, I am so very sorry. You had him for such a short time! I’ve come to the conclusion that the time we spent with the person doesn’t affect our grief. The less time we had with them, the more we grief all that we never will have. You probably will grieve him all your life, but I promise you, as time goes on, the pain does lessen, and you will find the courage to continue with life.

      • Loveena Says:

        We’ve spent three years and nine months together and I must say I’ve never read, heard or even met any person that could love to such an extent as he did. At such a young age I’ve discovered the best and the worst parts of life but I’m thankful to have lived a true love to have met my soul mate even if he’s no more at least I’ve had him. Thanks a lot; I really feel aware of your grief but more than anything else I see in you a role-model.

  9. Moment Matters Says:


    How are you?

    Good news, I would like to personally hand you the “BEST MOMENT AWARD“. Congratulations and enjoy the rest of the day!

  10. The Style Crone Says:

    Dear Pat, I just googled ‘second anniversary of loss of spouse’ and I found you, for which I’m grateful. I read your post about preparing for the second anniversary of the loss of your husband, and it was very helpful. Thank you. I’ve been blogging since 713/10 (stylecrone.com) and wish I would have found you much earlier. At the time that I launched my blog, my husband had been struggling with a rare cancer diagnosis since 2/14/05. I coped with this trauma by blogging about outfits, aging and cancer caregiving. I posted photos of my outfits and Nelson was my photographer. I blogged through his death (4/20/11), grieving and my transformation. As I approach the second anniversary of his death, I have been struck with the depth of grief that I still feel.

    I live in Denver and see that you live in Colorado. It is a cold snowy day today, but it feels right as I struggle for meaning.


    • Pat Bertram Says:

      Judith, It’s hard to deal with such a loss, no matter how we do it. It ends up the same — grief is a fact of our lives, and we simply have to learn to deal with it. I’m a year ahead of you in the process, and I still grieve, still search for meaning.

      I checked your blog, and was struck by all your hats. I’ve developed a fondness for hats since his death. They make me feel strong and dramatic, flamboyant and fun, all the things I don’t normally feel.

      Although I grew up in Denver (was born there and lived there for more than thirty years), we spent the last two decades of his life on the western slope.

      Thank you for stopping by and telling me your story. I always honored when people share their grief journey with me.

      Wishing you peace on these days leading up to the anniversary.

  11. alexiskrystina Says:

    Hi Pat! I’ve nominated you for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award! 🙂 Check it out here: http://alexiskrystina.com/2013/04/22/i-got-one-the-very-inspiring-blogger-award/

  12. Paula Kaye Says:

    Pat…I have been wading my way through the grief posts archive. I want to thank you for setting it up the way that you have as this has made it much easier to read. I can only read a few posts at a time as the emotions you write about and the emotions that your writing evokes in me are so powerful. I have written here before that I am living with and caring for my husband who is going through this whole dying process. I am writing about the process on my blog and knowing that the day will come when my writing will be much like yours as I go through my own grieving process. It helps me to know what lays ahead. (I think!) I just purchased your book to read on my Nook on the many nights that “we” are restless. Thank you so much for all of this writing. I am sure that you cannot begin to know how many people you are helping with your words of grief.

    • Pat Bertram Says:

      Paula, I’m glad my writing helps at least a little bit. It’s good to know that we aren’t alone in the way we feel, even though we do feel so very alone in our pain. I just wish none of us ever had to go through any of this. Sometimes it feels as if the whole world is crying.

  13. Deb Says:

    Wow, just playing w my IPad n Somehow found this site! It’s Beautiful & Sad at the same time,Debbie in Florida.

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