When I looked at the day on my cell phone today and noticed it was the 31st, my first thought was, “New Years Eve, already?” It felt good thinking that this year was over, and that a new one would begin in just a few hours, and then the truth sunk in — this year would not be over for another eleven months.
This has not been a good year so far — not the worst by a very wide margin, but not good, either. It began inexplicably with tears, and grief has been with me most of the month. (In less than two months, it will be three years since the death of my life mate/soul mate, and that anniversary looms large on my emotional horizon.)
It’s not just the grief upsurge that has made this a hard month — there have been too many disappointments and setbacks for such a new year. Friendships have ended, a project with other authors has come to an ignoble conclusion, new hopes have not been realized, blog and book ratings have fallen. There have been some good things. For example, I was notified that Grief: The Great Yearning came in second place for a book award, but any pleasure in that recognition was destroyed when I got a follow-up email telling me I’d been demoted to third place. (I’m still reeling from that one. I’ve never heard of anyone being demoted before.)
I need a new start, and I’m going to make one. In a way, every day is the eve of a new year, but today is also the eve of a new month, which seems an auspicious time to begin. So, Happy New Month’s Eve! Wishing you a great new start and much happiness during the coming month.
Pat Bertram is the author of the suspense novels Light Bringer, More Deaths Than One, A Spark of Heavenly Fire, and Daughter Am I. Bertram is also the author of Grief: The Great Yearning, “an exquisite book, wrenching to read, and at the same time full of profound truths.” All Bertram’s books are published by Second Wind Publishing. Connect with Pat on Google+
January 31, 2013 at 11:51 am
I sort of wish I could go back and do the holidays again. They were joyous this year in a way they haven’t been in a long time and the start to 2013, as you noted, had been auspicious at best. I need a new start. Let’s call a do-over!
January 31, 2013 at 2:41 pm
Yes, a do-over! I got a bottle of sparkling cider to toast my new new year.
January 31, 2013 at 12:43 pm
I did the same thing.
Feb 1st is my New Year’s.
January 31, 2013 at 2:39 pm
Happy New Year!!
January 31, 2013 at 12:50 pm
Demoted? What for?
January 31, 2013 at 2:39 pm
Who knows. They said it was a typo.
January 31, 2013 at 3:00 pm
bastards! may they have crazy days tomorrow that can’t be cured with coffee!
January 31, 2013 at 6:14 pm
Oooh! What a great curse! I will have to remember that.
January 31, 2013 at 6:15 pm
i wanted to go with lower back pain, but that seemed too Semitic even for me. And my parents are rabbis!
February 1, 2013 at 10:43 am
I don’t know many details, but my first reaction about your demotion is to say that it was done by some ne’erdowells from whom you’re likely better off being distanced. Your book, your work have more merit than their ignoble clerical error!
February 1, 2013 at 10:51 am
I like the way you think! Thank you.
February 1, 2013 at 1:08 pm
Well, we’re back in California and I’m struggling with motivation to continue to write – sales have indeed dropped off this year and the opportunities seem slim – no wonder I’m struggling with motivation. Besides, I sometimes think I’ve said all I set out to say and it’s time for that last hurrah during my working years. So maybe my return is the start of something new. Perhaps we’ll both be surprised but, either way, wishing you the best!
February 1, 2013 at 3:09 pm
I like the idea of surprises (pleasant ones!) waiting for us in this new new year. Wishing you whatever motivation you need to get started on that something new.