And oh, I’m alive, I’m alive, I’m alive

I went to a dance recital at the college the other day, and wow, those kids could fly! So young, so fit, so lithe. None of the dancers would have even a glimmer of clumsiness while doing the sitting test with incredible ease. Of course, the test is geared toward older folk, but even when I was young I didn’t have the strength and agility those kids had.

warriorThe first dance is the one that had the most impact on me, probably because it was the first. I’d never seen some of the stunts they pulled. Although dozens of dancers were on stage at all times, not everyone performed the same steps. It seemed as if two or three dances were going on at the same time in a dizzying blur of interconnected motion. But one thing they all did at one point— lie down as if they were going to do pushups, and then, on hands and toes, hop to the side again and again.

It was a very powerful dance, and no wonder — the song they danced to was “thatPower”. Not a song I was familiar with. Not one I would ever have willingly listened to. Most of it was  . . .  well, to be kind, let’s just say it’s not my kind of music. The chorus, however, is haunting me, and I’m allowing it to play in my mind.

In the midst of the non-song, the chorus (sung by Justin Bieber) was surprisingly tuneful and uplifting:

And oh, I’m alive, I’m alive, I’m alive
And oh, I can fly, I can fly, I can fly
And oh, I’m alive, I’m alive, I’m alive
And I’m loving every second, minute, hour, bigger, better, stronger power.

Usually I can’t stand when a song plays itself repeatedly in my head and do what I can to remove it, but I like this message, this affirmation. I am alive. I can fly if only in my thoughts and dreams. And while I might not be loving every minute, I am living every second, minute, hour. And I am getting better and stronger, more powerful. Sometimes I can even feel the power, though I don’t know where that power comes from. The earth maybe. Grief maybe. Myself maybe.  I do know I am more confident than I’ve ever been. More accepting of life and its ups and downs. Enjoying being alive — coming alive — for the first time in many years.


Pat Bertram is the author of the suspense novels Light Bringer, More Deaths Than One, A Spark of Heavenly Fire, and Daughter Am I. Bertram is also the author of Grief: The Great Yearning, “an exquisite book, wrenching to read, and at the same time full of profound truths.” Connect with Pat on Google+. Like Pat on Facebook.

3 Responses to “And oh, I’m alive, I’m alive, I’m alive”

  1. rami ungar the writer Says:

    I know that feeling. When you see some dances you see skill, magic, devotion, determination, and it’s almost like seeing into another realm of existence. Music adds to that effect. I think that’s why some music videos are so elaborate when they have dancers, and why movie studios try to create haunting and memorable scores. They want us to truly feel in another realm.

  2. Greet Grief Says:

    I can’t believe that I just discovered you Pat and look forward to reading more, especially your book on Grief! I wanted you to know that I nominated you for The Versatile Blogger Award and although you are not obligated to accept, know that you are deserving!

    • Pat Bertram Says:

      I am honored that you gifted me with this award. I admire what you are doing, blogging about the importance of entering the pain as you move through life’s losses. Ignoring the pain only brings more pain, but accepting it makes room for greater wonders and maybe even joy.

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