Today I missed dance class for the first time since I began taking lessons, and I feel bereft, as if I misplaced something I can never get back. I can go back to class, of course, but today’s classes were special in the way that all moments are special — each is a treasure, a singular occasion, that will never happen in exactly the same way twice.

More than that, dance is currently my savior, helping me get through the daily traumas of my life, and there have been more traumas than usual lately, especially the past 22 hours, so I needed those classes more than ever.

And yet, here I sit . . . danceless. Even if I wanted to practice the dances I’ve learned, I couldn’t. I’m exhausted.

tugofwarI know you’re dying to know what this is all about, so I’ll tell you — it’s just life.

More specifically, my car stopped running as I started out on my way to meet up for the Sierra Club walk last night. No gas seemed to be getting to the engine, which leads me to assume the fuel pump broke down. Not a problem, really, since I have emergency road insurance, and they will tow the car to be fixed.

What was a problem is that a few minutes after I coasted back down the hill and into the garage (how resourceful am I!), my father went through a minor medical emergency. I was up all night dealing with both him and my brother who seemed to sense the chaos. Early this morning my father decided he needed to go to the hospital via ambulence. I spent hours at the emergency room with him, but they didn’t want to admit him, so the rest of the day was spent begging rides from the hospital for both of us, rides to the pharmacy for his antibiotics, and then to another pharmacy because the first had no pharmacist on duty. (How can a major pharmacy not have a pharmacist on duty? Strange, that.) And to top it off, I had to forgo a treat I was looking forward to.

I sound selfish, don’t I? Well, that’s life, too.

Temporarily, all is quiet. Both men seem to be resting, and me . . . I’m here on this blog, trying to make sense of it all.


Pat Bertram is the author of the suspense novels Light Bringer, More Deaths Than One, A Spark of Heavenly Fire, and Daughter Am I. Bertram is also the author of Grief: The Great Yearning, “an exquisite book, wrenching to read, and at the same time full of profound truths.” Connect with Pat on Google+. Like Pat on Facebook.

4 Responses to “Danceless”

  1. rami ungar the writer Says:

    You need a well-earned vacation, Pat.

  2. Malene Says:

    Not selfish! Human. Smart. Knowing what charges your batteries.

  3. Coco Ihle Says:

    I’m so sorry you’re having such a difficult time. I’m guessing you’ve figured out there is no sense to what happened. My heart and prayers are with you. Hope today is better!

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