Open Letter to Blog Readers

To Whom it May Concern:

This is my blog, and I am allowed to say whatever I wish. When I first began blogging, the posts were impersonal — comments about the books I was reading, the books I was writing, and writing hints I garnered along the way.

mailboxThen, after the death of my life mate/soul mate, I got personal, very personal, explaining everything I was going through. Some people took offense at this, and I endured well-meaning suggestions to “get over it” because I knew my posts were helping people.

Now that my sorrow and loneliness treat me much gentler, I still write about how I am feeling and what I am doing about those feelings. The problem is that people I have met offline read my blog occasionally, which was not the case in the beginning, so I have been censoring some of my posts to make sure I don’t hurt anyone’s feelings. Well, apparently, I have gotten some backs up anyway, so no more censoring.

If you are upset by anything I say, remember, this is not necessarily about your truth. It’s about my truth. If I feel slighted, why shouldn’t I mention the slight especially if I don’t use your name? The only time I ever use anyone’s name is if the person is well known or an author who could use a bit of publicity, and so far, none of them feel hurt by anything I have said. If you don’t like what I write, if you take it personally, don’t read this blog. If you know me at all, you know I never knowingly hurt people. But I cannot sort out my truth if I don’t mention the things that trigger a spate of emotionalism or a feeling of unbelonging.

And there are a whole lot of triggers.

So what if I still have a hard time being around coupled people? That’s my problem, not yours. So what if I still feel lonely and sorrowful after six years? That too is my problem, not yours. The truth is, missing one’s mate is something that lasts a lifetime. Think of all the good things (and bad) you have experienced during the past six years of your couplehood. Well, guess what? I haven’t had any of those experiences. I have done a lot of interesting things, but no matter what I do, what I experience, how I grow or stagnate, I do alone because my mate is gone. And if that still affects me, what difference does it make to you?

I’m not asking you to feel sorry for me. I’m not asking you to make allowances. I’m not even asking you to notice what I am going through. But here’s a hint: if you don’t want me to write about what affects me, then don’t do things that affect me adversely.

I am a writer. Everything anyone does to me or around me belongs to me and provides ink for my pen.


(Pat Bertram is the author of the suspense novels Light Bringer, More Deaths Than One, A Spark of Heavenly Fire, and Daughter Am I. Bertram is also the author of Grief: The Great Yearning, “an exquisite book, wrenching to read, and at the same time full of profound truths.”)

26 Responses to “Open Letter to Blog Readers”

  1. samhouston23 Says:

    “I am a writer. Everything anyone does to me or around me belongs to me and provides ink for my pen.”

    I love that, Pat. That captures the very essence of what being a writer is like. Even though I write only for myself…or on my blog…I feel the same way. Continue on doing what you do. It’s what makes you “you.”

    • Pat Bertram Says:

      I never thought that way, but the more I pay attention to life, the more I realize how everything affects us, if even in small ways, and so it belongs to me. A big lesson to have learned!

  2. Paula Kaye Says:

    You tell ’em Pat! I cannot believe how crass people can be. I imagine I will always cry for my lost love. So what? No ones business but mine. If they don’t like it they can stop reading what I have to say! You keep talking Pat. Some of us need to hear your words. Your book is like a Bible to me. You forged the path ahead of me and for that I am grateful!

    • Pat Bertram Says:

      I think it’s hard for people who have never lost half their heart and soul how it affects you forever. Not just for the first year or the second. But always. Because always they are gone. When people remarry, it works best if the new spouse is not threatened by this. Because a new love does not eradicate a previous one.

  3. LordBeariOfBow Says:

    And that’s exactly how it should be. Good on you Pat, I’m with you all the way XD

  4. Linda Says:

    Some people only want to like our thoughts if those thoughts agree with their own.

  5. rami ungar the writer Says:

    Pat, you do you. That’s why we like you so much.

  6. Constance Says:

    I am still waiting for your next book. I have enjoyed all the others.

  7. Malcolm R. Campbell Says:

    Ya know, people have a choice. They can come here and read your posts or they can stay away. If they read, they’re hopefully wise enough to know you’re talking about your own experiences and how you perceive them, not their lives and experiences. I like coming here because the writing is honest and true. I hope 99.99% of your readers feel that way, too.

  8. Carol Says:

    Hi Pat,
    I have just discovered your blog. Now I know immediately from my first viewing and reading of a few lines if I want to follow a blog or not and I was drawn to yours immediately. You write with such honesty and feeling. I have been married for 50 years next week and I can imagine
    and understand that the pain never disappears, I know i would feel exactly like you.How dare anyone criticise you, you are writing from your heart and touching many people in the process, even if you wrote the blandest of blogs there would always be SOMEONE who would take offence, delete them immediarely and don’t give them a second thought, Continue with your courageous adventures and tell it like it is.
    Warm regards,

  9. kims7141 Says:

    Nodding at your words, dear Pat. Don’t let anyone steal your joy. It is all we have left at the end of the day.

  10. Linda Says:

    You express yourself beautifully.

  11. Mike Pettit Says:

    Pat, This is a tough old world, we got to be tough if we are to survive. I know you got grit in you and are tough as nails. Somebody says something to you, smack ’em down. If they’re bigger than you give me a call, I’ll smack ’em down. Nobody messes with my Bestie.
    Iron Mike Pettit

  12. lvgaudet Says:

    Like your grief and your future, your blog is your personal journey.

  13. unknown2neone Says:

    Well said. It’s YOUR blog. Write what you want, feel what you want. Don’t change a thing just because someone gets offended. It seems like everything has to always be so politically correct and so perfect. Sometimes life (or whatever) just sucks, sometimes it doesn’t. I’ve never found anything I’ve read on your blog offensive.

    • Pat Bertram Says:

      Thank you. I suppose it’s arrogance on my part, wanting people to like what I write. On the other hand, I’m not ready to be a saint so if I give offense, too bad. I’ll just chalk it up to celebrating my humanness.

  14. Cici Skyy Says:

    Do you 🙂 your words are deeper than anyone can understand anyway. It is art. It is beautiful. Keep going.

  15. Wanda Hughes Says:

    I’m glad you’ve decided to cease censoring your own blog in case you might offend someone. Some folks choose to be offended no matter what. While I don’t have your experiences with so deep a loss I totally respect your process in dealing with it.

    Oh, and you can talk about me on your blog any old time. I doubt if you will offend me. It will be interesting to see. 😀

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