My contractor keeps disappearing on me, but now I’m wondering if perhaps it is I who am disappearing, maybe becoming so faint and indistinct that I am fading away.
Although diets don’t work for me and never have, I’ve been concerned about my knees, so I’ve been on a diet this whole year with an occasional day off to see if it would reset my metabolism (otherwise, my body gets more and more efficient, and I end up gaining weight when I should be losing). I have lost but a pound, which is absurd for the amount of effort I’ve put in, so I’m thinking that instead of losing weight, I’ve been losing substance, making it difficult for others to see me or consider my needs.
For example, today at the grocery store, I stood at the counter while two employees talked and talked and talked and talked. Finally, I asked if there was anyone who could check out my groceries, and one woman said, “Yes. Right here.” Meaning that she would help me at the counter where I was standing. But she continued to yap until I very pointedly cleared my throat. She gave me a dirty look and finally started ringing up groceries. (And people wonder why I don’t mind self-checkout. Too bad it’s not available at the local store.)
It’s not just in person that I’m disappearing. I also seem to be disappearing from the electronic world. First, there was Facebook and their blocking my blog (they said it was spam). I can still look in on the site occasionally, can still post discussions to my writing group, can still post promos for my books on my author page, but beyond that, they have disappeared me.
Even this blog is playing the disappearing game. As I mentioned before, the blog platform is discontinuing the editor box (like the box where you write an email) I’ve always used. The new editor is way more complicated, though I have learned to use it and even like a couple of the features. But it was not my choice. If I hadn’t given in and become familiar with the new editor, I would have disappeared from the blogging world too.
And then there is my phone. Apparently, my email providers will no longer accept my use of the third-party app that came with my aged phone. So . . . poof. More disappearance. I won’t be getting email notifications on my phone any more, but I don’t think that will be a problem. I’ll just wait until I go online with my computer and check the emails then.
As if all that isn’t enough, my bank disappeared my password. Again, not a problem. It’s something they do periodically and I changed it, but it does seem suspicious that the disappearance would occur just when I am disappearing elsewhere.
The only solution seems to be for me to figure out what sort of diet will allow me to lose weight and at the same time add back the substance I lost so that I don’t fade into the background any more.
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Pat Bertram is the author of Grief: The Inside Story – A Guide to Surviving the Loss of a Loved One. “Grief: The Inside Story is perfect and that is not hyperbole! It is exactly what folk who are grieving need to read.” –Leesa Healy, RN, GDAS GDAT, Emotional/Mental Health Therapist & Educator
Bertram's Blog 
September 16, 2020 at 3:52 pm
Sounds like a Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode I know of. One girl felt so invisible and ignored, she literally disappeared! Luckily, I don’t think you’re going through that. Your town isn’t sitting on top of a center of mystical energies and doorways to alternate dimensions.
Unless it is…
September 16, 2020 at 5:59 pm
I’ll have to check out the mystical energies around here. It’s possible they are contributing to the problems, and I am straddling a couple of different dimensions.
September 16, 2020 at 6:20 pm
If you are, then I might have to visit you. Though that might start an Apocalypse, so think carefully before telling me the results.
September 16, 2020 at 10:58 pm
What you say, touches a nerve with me. I think all this isolation is making lots of us feel as if we are disappearing. I never realized before how important periodic face-to-face contact is in maintaining friendships of even the longest term. I think most men are uncomfortable with talking on the phone with their male friends for more than a minute or two (we hate phones that much), so as a consequence of the government-imposed isolation we are living with right now, old friends are slowly drifting away. I’m sure that the friendships will quickly be rekindled when, or if, this ever ends, but it makes me feel sad that it’s happening. And it doesn’t help that two of my chattiest friends have died of COVID-19 now.
September 17, 2020 at 9:50 am
None of this helps us maintain any sense of self or friendship or community. I am so sorry about your friends. Until now, I haven’t know anyone who knew anyone who died of this virus, so it’s been easy for me to discount a lot of the hype. But I still isolate myself, not just because of this, but because we are nearing cold and flu season. (Come to think of it, during this time of isolation, I haven’t had a single cold.)
September 17, 2020 at 1:01 pm
Yes to everything said here, and what really worries me is that I have a hard time making friends as it is!
September 17, 2020 at 8:15 pm
Makes it all even more difficult.
September 17, 2020 at 2:49 pm
This might seem weird, but when I retire in 2024, I’m thinking of going back to a land line and not using a mobile phone at all. I suppose, to my friends and family, that will be like a David Copperfield disappearing act.
September 17, 2020 at 6:10 pm
I won’t have to. If the phone is gradually losing all its smarts and becoming just a regular dumb phone.