If you’re one of those who has been worried about my virtual disappearance, worry no more. I’m doing well. I haven’t disappeared in real life, just online life. I still manage to blog once or twice a week, but I don’t go through the rigmarole of posting the link on Facebook. It got to be too much, not just writing every day, but reblogging to another blog as well as posting the photo on a third blog and reblogging that to the reblogged blog just so I can bypass FB’s unfairly punitive ways to post my blog link on the site.
I feel good about not blogging every day, and I feel even better about boycotting FB, though I do feel bad about not keeping up with grief friends, both online and off. I just can’t handle secondhand grief anymore. (A friend recently died, and I dread seeing her husband, also a friend, when he returns to this country. It’s not exactly kind or generous or sensitive, but it’s the truth of me right now.)
I’ve also been doing well with my yard — the leaves from my neighbors’ trees will start falling any day (perhaps even later today because of the high winds we’re dealing with), but until it’s time to rake those leaves or to water the grass again, there’s nothing for me to do outside. What a change! Admittedly, I earned the change. I’ve been spending three or four hours every day digging up Bermuda grass, weeds, and dead annuals in preparation for winter wildflower sowing. I also spent several of those days digging up, hacking apart, and replanting the New England aster. If even half of them survive the winter, I’ll be having to deal with maybe a hundred plants next fall. But that’s not for another year.
I’ve also been doing well with cleaning house — everything is as spotless as I can get it, so there’s no inside chore niggling at me, either.
So, with nothing to do today except read and relax and fix a couple of meals, I’m doing really well!
And speaking of “well,” Here’s a well of a different sort. It’s funny, but I wished for a wishing well, and look! I got my wish! I had to fix the roof that was falling apart, and I shingled it with leftover shingles, and now — oh, what a beauty!
I threw wishes into the well for your wellbeing, so I hope it works and that you’re doing well, too.
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Pat Bertram is the author of Grief: The Inside Story – A Guide to Surviving the Loss of a Loved One. “Grief: The Inside Story is perfect and that is not hyperbole! It is exactly what folk who are grieving need to read.” –Leesa Healy, RN, GDAS GDAT, Emotional/Mental Health Therapist & Educator.
Bertram's Blog 
October 23, 2022 at 1:41 pm
Glad to hear you’re doing well, Pat. You doing anything spooky for October?
October 23, 2022 at 4:02 pm
Spookier than visiting with family? Nope. Though I did hang a Halloween mobile in my garage window. Does that count?
October 23, 2022 at 4:12 pm
Is it visible from the street?
October 23, 2022 at 4:28 pm
Unfortunately, it’s only visible from inside the garage.
October 23, 2022 at 4:34 pm
Next question: do you normally want trick or treaters?
October 23, 2022 at 9:31 pm
Not particularly, which is good since almost no one comes down this street.
October 24, 2022 at 8:09 am
Then as long as you’re satisfied, then that’s all that matters.
October 24, 2022 at 6:06 am
Glad to read that you are doing so well. Jean Curlander Chun was here for a 2 week visit last month. She (like) had never been here. Look her up in our year book. All is well here. No more mowing for the winter, just lady bugs.
October 24, 2022 at 8:00 am
(
“A friend recently died, and I dread seeing her husband, also a friend, when he returns to this country. It’s not exactly kind or generous or sensitive, but it’s the truth of me right now.” I guess that’s how many of my friends feel like right now about seeing me.
October 24, 2022 at 8:52 am
There’s a word for it: compassion fatigue.
October 24, 2022 at 6:13 pm
Maybe another could be “iterative grief fatigue”?
October 24, 2022 at 8:03 pm
Definitely