You’d think that someone who says she writes for herself would write whatever she wants, and that would be true if I saved the writing for myself alone as I did with the journal I kept after Jeff died. Once a piece is written, however, and I go to post it, things change. Suddenly, it’s not just for me but for anyone who wants to take a peek into my life and thoughts and emotions.
For example, I tend to stay away from anything controversial, and if by chance I happen to mention something that could be construed as political, I edit it out because it’s just not worth the backlash. So perhaps it’s not self-censorship so much as it is simply editing to make a more universally accepted piece. Or do I mean peace?
Either way, I do sometimes second guess what I write, not just when it involves world affairs, but also when it involves people in my life, especially if I know they read this blog. In fact, I’m sitting here right now debating about whether or not I should mention something that recently happened. (Apparently, I decided to go ahead with the article, because here I am.)
A few days ago, I accompanied a friend to an appointment. I’ve driven with her hundreds of miles over the years, so I’m familiar with her driving, and I’ve never been concerned about safety, but that day, she was driving erratically, swerving from lane to lane, cutting in front of cars she apparently couldn’t see, seemed to have no depth perception, had a hard time hearing, could barely handle the steering wheel. Bizarrely, she had no idea what she was doing. To her, all was fine, she was just tired after a sleepless night. In fact, when I later mentioned that it would have been better to have cancelled the appointment, she said she had no idea there was any need.
I wondered if she’d been having a mini stroke, so when she next went to the doctor, I urged her to tell him the story. She did. What she discovered is that all out-of-whackness was caused her insomnia the previous night.
That is why this story is important and why, even though I worry my friend might think my writing this might be a betrayal, I ignored my inclination for self-censorship and posted it anyway. If you have a sleepless night, especially if you are getting up in years, please stay home even if you feel fine. Truly, the symptoms she showed were traumatic and life-threatening (for me too) and are common side effects of a sleepless night. It makes me wonder how many people are going about their lives as if everything is fine, when in fact, it isn’t.
I’m lucky in that I don’t worry about not sleeping. If I have a rare sleepless night, I just stay home the next day. And if I ever can’t because of an appointment, I hope I am as smart as I am urging you to be and cancel the appointment.
It’s funny how small things can have such devastating effects. We never think of a sleepless night as being life threatening in the short run, but it is or it can be.
So be careful. Please. And don’t drive if you’ve had a sleepless night.
***
Pat Bertram is the author of Grief: The Inside Story – A Guide to Surviving the Loss of a Loved One
Bertram's Blog 
May 30, 2026 at 11:28 am
I’m glad to know you both ended up okay after that incident. People die from car crashes or similar every day, and it is important that we not only obey traffic laws, but make sure we’re taking care of ourselves, and not drive if we’re not 100% unless absolutely necessary. Considering that we’re operating giant metal machines weighing several tons and zooming around at high speeds, the chances of regretting it later are too risky.
Hopefully you posting about it makes some people think more about their driving habits (especially here in Columbus, where it seems like half the drivers ever obey traffic laws).
May 30, 2026 at 12:22 pm
You’re right about taking care of ourselves, especially as you point out that so many people tend to think traffic laws are a suggestion.
May 30, 2026 at 1:02 pm
And then they act so surprised when they get in a crash and there are consequences!
May 30, 2026 at 11:58 am
It would never have occurred to me not to drive after a night of little sleep, so thank you for this.
May 30, 2026 at 12:23 pm
It wouldn’t have occurred to me either, but it was terrifying to see what happens.
May 30, 2026 at 1:39 pm
I’m pretty sure your friend would understand you’ve written out of concern and compassion for her wellbeing. If she’s elderly, though, like me she might think that if she waited on a good night’s sleep before keeping an appointment, she might never get there! I rarely have a “good” sleep.
Then, too, one’s judgement can be affected and we may not believe we could be a danger on the road. Anything that threatens our sense of independence can be hard to admit. In my case, I haven’t driven anywhere in years thanks to my arthritis knees. I’m fortunate to have my husband as a built-in chauffeur.
May 30, 2026 at 3:41 pm
I hope you’re right about her understanding. I think she’s like you, in that she seldom has a good night’s sleep, but still, not sleeping at all is different. What surprised me is that a person can think all is fine, and if I weren’t there, she would never have realized how off her perception was. That’s what made me decide to write about the episode after all — it’s scary to think that we can be sure everything is fine when it isn’t, and if we’re alone, we have no way of knowing the truth.
I still drive, though I don’t go far anymore, just a few miles out of town to keep the car going, and that’s about all. If someone doesn’t invite me to go along on a shopping trip, I just buy what I can around here or online. I have no idea what made me stop driving long distances. Despite its vast age, the vehicle is kept running well by my trustworthy mechanic, so it’s not that. I guess I just don’t trust other drivers.
May 30, 2026 at 5:03 pm
So many drivers don’t seem to apply the concept of driving defensively, so we have to be the ones taking extra care.
We rarely go beyond the local stores and our church except for a once or twice a year trip to our lakeside cabin — a seven hour journey. That’s starting to take more energy than my husband has. Our son has offered to come and get us in future, but he’s over four hours away from us, so that would require a lot of extra driving for him. We don’t mind our increasing age (most of the time), but dislike it when it causes us to be a burden on others.
May 30, 2026 at 5:08 pm
Understandable. No one wants to be burden, especially if it’s unavoidable.
May 30, 2026 at 7:58 pm
I would never have thought of that. Thank you for the warning.
May 31, 2026 at 4:28 pm
This is valuable information. I would have been really scared.
Sometimes, people do not want to hear it; it is good your friend listened to you.
I just found out I am suffering of light sleep apnea. Used to be an early birds and be in great shape in the morning. Now, I am sluggish and wake up late feeling tired. I thought is was due to grief after my husband passing, 4 years ago, and also a med I take known to cause fatigue. My internist had me take a home sleep test and here it is. Unfortunately, I do not think there is a remedy for this except sleeping with oxygen, and I don’t feel I am at this stage now.
All this to say, how much lack of sleep, or poor sleep can affect our daily function.
May 31, 2026 at 6:26 pm
Yes, poor sleep definitely can affect our daily functioning in scary ways. I think what scared my friend the most is she had no idea what was happening. Best of luck with dealing with your apnea. So not fun!
June 4, 2026 at 8:03 pm
Thank you for this Public Service “Announcement” — it’s the sort of thing we can be glad you don’t self-censor.