Email Absurdities

Sometimes life online gets a bit too absurd for me. Once a long time ago, I had a fellow author I met on Facebook as a guest on my blog. Back then, I was less concerned with giving out my email address, and besides, at that time, you couldn’t include attachments in FB messages, so I really had no choice.

Computer attackEvery once in a while I’d get a promo message from him, but those emails were sporadic, so they simply got swallowed up in the great maw of Yahoo mail. More recently, I got a couple of mass emailings asking for support for his indigogo campaign. He is still a long way from his goal, and so needs the help of his “friends” to help fund his project.

After the first email, I sent him a message asking him to remove me from his mailing list. Just a pleasant non-confrontational request. (I despise group emails unless I am actually part of a group, and even then, I don’t particularly like them though I have to tolerate them.) Today, I got another email from him again asking for support.

I messaged him back: I have asked you to please remove me from your mailing list. A favor I did once a long time ago — having you as a guest on my blog — should not be punished by unwanted emails. Please remove me from your mailing list. I admit this wasn’t the kindest of messages, but since I am connected to thousands of authors all over the internet, the deluge of promos gets to be a bit much.

He responded: Just to let you know, I removed you from my contact list so you will never receive any emails from me again. Breathe easy. The punishment for your kindness is over. Thanks and good luck.

Me: Thank you

Him: You’re welcome. Please stop emailing me. I no longer want to hear from you. Ever.

I didn’t respond, of course, but a little later I got another message from him: I’m very sorry that I’ve upset you. It will never happen again. Ever. You will never hear from me again. Ever.

Then, fifteen minutes later, I got yet another message: Thanks for your understanding that I’m only human and have made a mistake. It will never happen again. Ever. Good luck.

Ah! The joys of the internet age.


Pat Bertram is the author of the suspense novels Light Bringer, More Deaths Than One, A Spark of Heavenly Fire, and Daughter Am I. Bertram is also the author of Grief: The Great Yearning, “an exquisite book, wrenching to read, and at the same time full of profound truths.” Follow Pat on Google+. Like Pat on Facebook.