In my last post, I told you that I got kicked out of my grief support group. The facilitator cancelled the meeting this week to give us time to “self-evaluate.” If we are functioning in the normal world, we are not to return. Since we didn’t want to leave the newest member of the group without support at this critical time, we went on a picnic during the regular meeting time. Chances are, if the facilitator hadn’t said anything, several of us would have left the group in the next couple of months anyway, but this whole situation has brought us closer together. Like disaster survivors.
We’re all going to the scheduled meeting next week. (What’s he going to do? Give us grief? That doesn’t scare us. We’ve been there.) We want to find out the truth, whether the directive was instigated by hospice, by the facilitator himself, or in response to a complaint. And then we’ll see what happens.
Perhaps I have stayed with the group longer than absolutely necessary, but even if I’m just there to be around those who understand, what’s wrong with that? My grief is dissipating, (though I am troubled by an upsurge in tears the past three weeks). Mostly I feel like I’m disappearing from life. Don’t feel quite real.
The truth is, I’m functioning well in the normal world (except for the small matter of being unable to write). It’s the abnormal world of grief I have problems with.
June 23, 2011 at 3:26 pm
Good for you for not letting this go. There is something very wrong here. Grief has its own timetable and for people who are supposed to specialize in this stage of life, they seem very ignorant and uncaring.
June 23, 2011 at 7:17 pm
It really is absurd. After a year of telling us grief has no timetable, they’re telling us the same thing everyone else does: Get on with your life. Sheesh.
June 24, 2011 at 7:51 am
I’m so sorry this happened to you. I will also say, things happen for a reason. Perhaps the path for you to understand and come to terms with your own grief is meant to be by helping others with theirs. You’re a leader. An organizer. And that sense of purpose and outrage may be the very thing you need at this point in your life. The thing that will shake you up and help you take that next step. Check into meeting rooms at your local library. Schools. The mall. Each other’s homes. Change is hard. But it sounds as if the universe is offering you a new direction…
June 24, 2011 at 4:02 pm
Nothing makes a person want what they have more than telling them you are taking it away. As a mom who is forever needing to weed out the old and broken toys the kids haven’t played with in years, I know this lesson all too well.
Functioning in the real world is very different from learning to live in the real world again. You go through the motions expected of you, but as just an empty shell, absent of you.
What they really need is stages of groups, like the stages of grief. They may be kicking you out of the early stages grief group, but perhaps its time to teach them how to make a group for those needing support past those first few months.
The hospice director sounded like she was exercising the classic avoidance technique. She knows what’s going on and may have even lit a fire under the facilitator for not getting people through and out of his group fast enough. After all, if you do this sort of thing long enough, you will become desensitized to the pain and needs of the people you are supposed to be helping and will start thinking of it as just business.
June 24, 2011 at 8:00 pm
Reading these comments above lead me to agree with them. LOL Seems like they could have arranged several groups, even if with one facilitator or several. Just dumping you all out on the street like you’ve overstayed your welcome is unthinkable.
But I do believe you’re a leader and this may your next avenue of helping others as is your writing your grief book. I wish you and your group the best of luck finding a place to meet.