Email Absurdities

Sometimes life online gets a bit too absurd for me. Once a long time ago, I had a fellow author I met on Facebook as a guest on my blog. Back then, I was less concerned with giving out my email address, and besides, at that time, you couldn’t include attachments in FB messages, so I really had no choice.

Computer attackEvery once in a while I’d get a promo message from him, but those emails were sporadic, so they simply got swallowed up in the great maw of Yahoo mail. More recently, I got a couple of mass emailings asking for support for his indigogo campaign. He is still a long way from his goal, and so needs the help of his “friends” to help fund his project.

After the first email, I sent him a message asking him to remove me from his mailing list. Just a pleasant non-confrontational request. (I despise group emails unless I am actually part of a group, and even then, I don’t particularly like them though I have to tolerate them.) Today, I got another email from him again asking for support.

I messaged him back: I have asked you to please remove me from your mailing list. A favor I did once a long time ago — having you as a guest on my blog — should not be punished by unwanted emails. Please remove me from your mailing list. I admit this wasn’t the kindest of messages, but since I am connected to thousands of authors all over the internet, the deluge of promos gets to be a bit much.

He responded: Just to let you know, I removed you from my contact list so you will never receive any emails from me again. Breathe easy. The punishment for your kindness is over. Thanks and good luck.

Me: Thank you

Him: You’re welcome. Please stop emailing me. I no longer want to hear from you. Ever.

I didn’t respond, of course, but a little later I got another message from him: I’m very sorry that I’ve upset you. It will never happen again. Ever. You will never hear from me again. Ever.

Then, fifteen minutes later, I got yet another message: Thanks for your understanding that I’m only human and have made a mistake. It will never happen again. Ever. Good luck.

Ah! The joys of the internet age.


Pat Bertram is the author of the suspense novels Light Bringer, More Deaths Than One, A Spark of Heavenly Fire, and Daughter Am I. Bertram is also the author of Grief: The Great Yearning, “an exquisite book, wrenching to read, and at the same time full of profound truths.” Follow Pat on Google+. Like Pat on Facebook.

7 Responses to “Email Absurdities”

  1. Paula Kaye Says:

    I didn’t know whether to laugh about this or say ‘ew creepy’ Good luck I hope he is gone for good now

  2. Carol Says:

    I’m not sure if that’s ridiculous or obnoxious!! At least he has a sense of humour. I thought your request was very nicely worded.

    I have no patience for mass mail-outs and I block people who put me on a list without my permission. I also have no patience for requests to fund personal projects. I don’t get why people think others should give them money just because there’s something they want/would like to do and can’t afford it/don’t want to pay for it themselves. It seems to happen a lot on the internet. I’d be too embarrassed to ask for a handout from anyone in person, but I guess the anonymity of the internet makes people bold.

    • Pat Bertram Says:

      When I first heard of this type of “crowd funding,” I thought the point was to throw your idea out there in case anyone was looking for an investment or a tax break or whatever. At one time, I’d considered doing it, but when I found out the truth, that the way to meet your goal is to ask for handouts from your friends and contacts (hound them!), I got turned off from the whole idea. Like you, I don’t understand why people think others should give them money simply because they want to do something and can’t afford it.

  3. Malene Says:


    Even though we have never met and even though I wouldn’t consider us true cyberfriends, I have to tell you that your blogs make me smile, nod in agreement and sometimes weep. I am grateful for your writings and can’t believe what kindred spirits we are.

    In a very strange way, I have love for you in my heart.


    P.S, This particular post made me laugh 🙂

    • Pat Bertram Says:

      So nice to know that we have touched each other’s lives. While sometimes online life is as absurd as this email exchange, sometimes it is profound. I appreciate the profoundness in our exchanges.

  4. ShirleyAnnHoward Says:

    Hearing you tell it, I have to laugh. If that happened to me, I’d need a pack of Tums and a bottle of aspirin.

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