What I Should Be Doing

I did a quiz about what I should be doing for the next six months. This is the response I got:

For real!! Admittedly, the quiz was sponsored by a sporting goods store focused on hiking, but still, to get such a response seems . . . prophetic.

For sure do I seek change. In fact, I desperately need a change. And I certainly am ready to strap on my boots and just take off. It sounds so wonderful to go where the wind blows and the trail goes. But though my mind (and will) are strong, the body is still so weak. My ability to carry a twenty-five pack for any length of time has more to do with growing stubbornness than growing strength, which makes me wonder about any sort of multi-day hike.

I keep telling myself all I have to do is get through the next two months, and then I can head north. I do not want to come back, but I promised, and much as it pains me, I try to keep my promises.

But then, who knows?

Actually, what my heart really longs for is to go back home to Jeff, but that is not a possibility since he’s gone, so the PCT will have to do.

***

Pat Bertram is the author of the suspense novels UnfinishedMadame ZeeZee’s Nightmare, Light BringerMore Deaths Than OneA Spark of Heavenly Fireand Daughter Am IBertram is also the author of Grief: The Great Yearning, “an exquisite book, wrenching to read, and at the same time full of profound truths.” Connect with Pat on Google+. Like Pat on Facebook.

7 Responses to “What I Should Be Doing”

  1. Terry Allard Says:

    My heart goes out to yours in your last sentence…for me although my body can’t go home to my husband, my soul is a much less confined traveler.

    • Terry Allard Says:

      I noticed as unusal you never replied. Was there a reason?

      • Pat Bertram Says:

        I”m sorry. I don’t know what happened. I thought I responded. Your comment made me wonder if my itch to travel is my soul’s way of trying to be unconfined. I wish neither of us had to deal with the separation from our loved ones. Sending you thoughts of peace today.

        • Terry Allard Says:

          Thank you for your wishes of peace. Yesterday I went alone to the Broadway musical “BEAUTIFUL” to see how it would be. It actually went pretty well…the many 60’s love songs performed made me grateful I had known the kind of love the songs described. Baby step in a soul travel log.

          • Pat Bertram Says:

            I’m glad you got out. Yes. Baby steps, but it’s still hard. Every step you take closer to a renewal of life, is one step farther away from the old life. And yet, what choice do we have? Still, baby steps get us where we need to be.

  2. paulakaye Says:

    I so totally hear that final sentence. You need to work on getting strong and go do that hike. You’ve talked and dreamed of it for so long…Peace, friend!


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