Desperate Dealings

My big adventure for the day? A walk to the grocery store!


The walk back wasn’t so joyful. The items I bought turned out to be much heavier than I’d expected, mostly because I’d used a cart. Normally, I juggle everything I pick out, which guarantees I won’t be getting more than I can carry, but since I had my trekking poles with me, it seemed easer to use a cart. I didn’t get that much — just things like beans for chili, vegetables and a can of garbanzos for a salad, and fruit for snacks — but it loaded up my pack.

I would say it was too much to carry, but since I am back here, writing this blog, it obviously wasn’t too heavy.

One thing I bought that I had never before in my entire life purchased was a can of Beanee Weenees. Apparently, my desperation for something different to eat made me resort to such an ignominious act. Whether I eat the stuff or not is a different story, but it is there is my cupboard in case I have to deal with an even greater desperation for variety.

That wasn’t my first slip into abnormality, either. I don’t keep desserts on hand because I don’t need the temptation, but the other night I was so desirous of something sweet, I heated leftover rice and added chocolate chips and walnuts. The gooey mess was actually pretty tasty and I could almost talk myself into believing it was healthy.

Today, though, except for that one Beanee Weenee slip, I’m back to normal, with chili cooking and chicken baking and salad making.

The few people I have talked recently to have mentioned foods they have eaten or craved because they, too are desperate for something different. So many people used to eat out a couple of times a week, and now, unless they want to make the effort to get food to go, they are stuck eating their own cooking, and they are getting tired of it.

What about you? How do you deal when you get tired of your usual fare and desperately need something else to eat?


Pat Bertram is the author of Grief: The Inside Story – A Guide to Surviving the Loss of a Loved One. “Grief: The Inside Story is perfect and that is not hyperbole! It is exactly what folk who are grieving need to read.” –Leesa Healy, RN, GDAS GDAT, Emotional/Mental Health Therapist & Educator.

What I Should Be Doing

I did a quiz about what I should be doing for the next six months. This is the response I got:

For real!! Admittedly, the quiz was sponsored by a sporting goods store focused on hiking, but still, to get such a response seems . . . prophetic.

For sure do I seek change. In fact, I desperately need a change. And I certainly am ready to strap on my boots and just take off. It sounds so wonderful to go where the wind blows and the trail goes. But though my mind (and will) are strong, the body is still so weak. My ability to carry a twenty-five pack for any length of time has more to do with growing stubbornness than growing strength, which makes me wonder about any sort of multi-day hike.

I keep telling myself all I have to do is get through the next two months, and then I can head north. I do not want to come back, but I promised, and much as it pains me, I try to keep my promises.

But then, who knows?

Actually, what my heart really longs for is to go back home to Jeff, but that is not a possibility since he’s gone, so the PCT will have to do.


Pat Bertram is the author of the suspense novels UnfinishedMadame ZeeZee’s Nightmare, Light BringerMore Deaths Than OneA Spark of Heavenly Fireand Daughter Am IBertram is also the author of Grief: The Great Yearning, “an exquisite book, wrenching to read, and at the same time full of profound truths.” Connect with Pat on Google+. Like Pat on Facebook.