I find myself restless more often than not lately, and the return of dark and dreary days — cold, dark and dreary days — isn’t helping.
It’s time for me to drive again, and I considered doing so, except when I stepped outside, the cold drove me back inside. One of these days, I might have a garage, in which case driving will be a matter of pushing a button or two to get into the car, but for now, the vehicle is still out in the open and blanketed with a car cover. It’s been almost five years since the car was restored, so perhaps it doesn’t need to be babied as much. Or maybe it needs to be babied more. But whichever, it’s still more trouble than it’s worth to unpack the car and drive somewhere.
There’s no place to go, anyway, except to the grocery store, and if I went there, I’d want something more than healthy food. It seems as if this time is one that calls for treats to offset all the restrictions. Although I would really like to have had something to make me and the day feel less dreary, I opted for health.
I made salads for the next few days.
I also made a stir fry and cut up vegetables for dipping. It didn’t help with the restlessness, of course, but I could feel good about what I was eating. Besides, I no longer know what a treat would be. I could get flour and sugar to make cookies or something like that, but then, with being isolated by myself, there would only be me to eat them.
Still, the stir fry was good, and there’s enough left for another meal tomorrow, though tomorrow, who knows — I might give in and go for something a lot less healthy.
Unless, of course, the sun is shining — then I might try to do something out in the yard. That’s different, since it’s not something I can do in the winter. But then, I’d be frustrated at all the building supplies taking up space in my yard instead of being put to use.
Eek. What a life!
Actually, despite everything, I still have it good and count myself lucky that restlessness is the worst of my problems. I wouldn’t even mind being so restless since it’s something that I’m used to, but this restlessness seems to be fueled by the dread of what is going to happen because of these draconian measures and how this whole plague-ridden mess is going to be used against us in the future.
But that’s the future. Today, I’m okay. Today, I’m lucky. Today, I’m grateful.
***
Pat Bertram is the author of Grief: The Inside Story – A Guide to Surviving the Loss of a Loved One. “Grief: The Inside Story is perfect and that is not hyperbole! It is exactly what folk who are grieving need to read.” –Leesa Healy, RN, GDAS GDAT, Emotional/Mental Health Therapist & Educator.
Bertram's Blog 
April 17, 2020 at 8:41 am
It’s very interesting to read how people are coping with this crisis.
April 17, 2020 at 11:08 am
I understand your restlessness, but for different reasons. Spring for you is just around the corner. Do you have all the tools you will need for trimming, planting & fertilizing? You can start making a list of all you want to do in your yard. I know there is a LOT of stuff I need to do in my yard & I don’t get a lot done most days!! Good luck waiting for spring. If you have snow in your yard, make snow angels or snowman!
April 17, 2020 at 4:12 pm
It’s supposed to be nice the next few days, so I’ll go out and do some work on the yard, at least those spots that are not covered with building materials.
April 17, 2020 at 3:53 pm
About that whole “Dragonian measures and how it will be used against us…” yep! I’m so furious how all of this is being handled and people’s far-differing reactions. I find I strongly dislike those I used to like and quite liking those I didn’t like before. But those who are already trying to use it to push their agenda – yikes! Don’t peek into LinkedIn if you don’t want to see that. I try not to look anywhere and keep to my normal schedule as much as possible but even somebody who mostly lives in solitude anyway is ready to break out for some live music, Mexican food and margaritas! Scrolling through my videos on my iPhone, I’m now thinking that Nashville evacuation from Florida during Hurricane Irma was a party! Lol!
April 17, 2020 at 4:11 pm
During the last presidential election, I lost respect for so many people so fast, and yet, my current loss of respect is even worse. People are so accepting of what they are told and try to vilify those who take exception at how it is handled, as if we are personally going around killing people. The latest research shows that there is no difference in countries that are shutting down and those that aren’t — the disease is doing it’s thing, and will be gone in its own time. This is beginning to seem a lot like control for control’s sake. One odd thing I am noticing is that so often when the news media mentions that someone tested positive, they never mention if the person is sick or not.
April 18, 2020 at 6:41 am
Well… I can certainly relate to these thoughts, as i see people frantically “disinfecting” and “decontaminating” after every venture into the community. You can drive yourself crazy worrying about potential infection, and people spraying Lysol disinfectant all over the place are not doing their lungs any favors. Sheesh.
Also I’m sorry to point out that there are some eerie echoes to the early months and years of AIDS pandemic, in that some of the same players and same factors are making a reappearance. “Testing positive” or “testing negative” is one such. Also, it’s my understanding that Dr Fauci was at the helm or at least in a similar position of authority back in those early days, which is kind of interesting and coincidental. And people of color and people in poverty or those forced to crowd into substandard housing/unsanitary conditions, or close quarters of some kind (buses, homeless shelters) esp. the ones with underlying medical issues, are the ones affected the most nowadays, just as back in the day. What’s old is new again.
April 18, 2020 at 7:08 am
You’re right! I hadn’t made the connection. It is exactly like the stigma of HIV — you’re condemned by what’s in your body, even if it is merely there and not doing any harm. And testing positive is treatied like a crime. I just watched a video a friend sent about Fauci, and yes, he and others who are involved in this situation were involved in that one, too. I remember once, a very long time ago, when I was first learning about how much we were controlled and how much more controlled we would become, I asked Jeff how I would know if something was propaganda. I don’t remember his answer, something about the more we learn, the better prepared we will be, I think. And here we are in this propagandized world, and it’s easy to see the truth (or at least some of it) because the pattern is there.
April 21, 2020 at 2:59 pm
And now they’re comparing it to Aids as if the words “tested positive” is a death sentence. As if we *must* test people and track them. A real power grab is going on, for sure. Like the song says, “Everybody wants to rule the world.”
April 21, 2020 at 5:48 pm
I’m hoping enough people realize what is going on that mandatory tests and vaccines never come to pass, but too many people are looking for salvation rather than looking beneath the rhetoric. I read an article today that said despite the deaths by this virus, the actually overall death rate has not increased. That helps put things into perspective.