Feeling Vulnerable

I’ve been doing a good job the past year or so trying to keep focused on the day rather than what might happen in the future, especially when it comes to my precarious financial situation and my advancing years, but the exorbitant increase in house insurance shocked me out of my complacency, and I’ve been feeling unsettled and vulnerable.

Knowing so many people who are getting The Bob adds to the feeling of things being out of kilter. It certainly doesn’t help that one of the library books I got was about electric grid of the entire United States being destroyed, which reminds me how vulnerable we really are. If the electricity goes out, so will heat, plumbing, communication, and transportation. Which means after a few weeks, people will be dying en masse of dehydration and disease and starvation since water won’t be coming into the house, wastes won’t be going out, and food won’t be distributed to the stores. Just what I do not need to be reading when I am feeling vulnerable to begin with!

I’m not sure how I would handle such a calamity as the book portrays, but I did buy some bottled water today to have just in case. I have camping equipment, including a little stove that works with twigs and other readily available bio-fuel, and a solar powered charger, so I could charge a phone, assuming there would be anyone to call. I have learned from camping that one can keep a whole lot warmer at night if you sleep in a tiny tent inside a larger tent, and I could set up the double tents inside the house, so my tiny sleeping area would be warmed by whatever body heat I could engender.

I also have solar lights outside my house, which, if necessary, could be brought inside.

It seems surprising that a book written in the past year or so didn’t mention the ubiquitous nature of such lights. The author just talked about it being totally dark at night. Around here, when the electricity goes out, there are still quite a few lights on because of solar lighting. But then, this is a relatively sunny area; maybe other areas aren’t as accessible to solar power.

For my own peace of mind, I’ll have to ignore the vulnerable feelings of the past few days and go back to believing (all evidence to the contrary) that I will be fine. Even if it’s an illusion, it’s still important for me to act as if everything will work out. Because who knows — things could continue working out for me, and it’s possible (at least according to some theories) the belief itself will make things come true.

And if all else fails, there are all those origami cranes I am folding to ensure my good fortune.


What if God decided S/He didn’t like how the world turned out, and turned it over to a development company from the planet Xerxes for re-creation? Would you survive? Could you survive?

Click here to buy Bob, The Right Hand of God

15 Responses to “Feeling Vulnerable”

  1. Heather Foldessy Says:

    Hi Pay…you are so talented! I love the origami birds you are making. They are beautiful!!

  2. rami ungar the writer Says:

    I think there are survivalist guides for just this sort of situation. They’re all about how to survive in the case of such a disaster. Have you checked any of those out?

  3. Uthayanan Says:

    Emergency Kit Lists From Japan
    You can download pdf files
    Japanese people live with every day of earthquake alerts.
    Some times there everyday experience helps to have a good survival kit.
    Have a nice day.
    I am still very mush confused and perturbed by grief other matters I try to fight with everyday to not get Feeling Vulnerable

    • Pat Bertram Says:

      Grief is confusing because there are really no answers and no way to put it behind you. I got used to the confusion and so will you.

      • Estragon Says:

        I still have lots of confusion. Something that does help me put things in perspective though…

        There are probably a million ways in which the universe is trying to kill us every day. As far as we know, the universe will, without exception, eventually succeed with one of those million ways. It’s inevitability, not vulnerability.

        Looked at another way, 999,999 of the ways won’t get you, so why worry about them and go to extreme lengths in a futile attempt to prevent them. Better to just eat sensibly, get some exercise, look both ways before you cross the street, and otherwise just make the best of the time you have between now and whenever the universe inevitably succeeds.

  4. Uthayanan Says:

    Pat I Forget to tell you. Your origami beautifully done.
    You are a painter so you can change colors or color unique.
    Anyway I respect always artist choice.
    With my japanese classes I have learned origami and calligraphy but never applied.
    May be later. You are doing like meditation.
    Nice art pleasure. Keep going.

    • Pat Bertram Says:

      Yes, to me, making origami cranes is like meditation. I have been thinking of cutting some white squares and coloring them to see how that would work with origami technique. We’ll see!

  5. Kathy Says:

    Yikes! This sounds like an episode of “The Blacklist!” Btw, I downloaded a sample of “Bob, the Right Hand of God” and realized my husband would probably love it, so he read the sample and then bought the book and is just finishing it now. He pretty much inhaled it over the weekend!

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