Topping It All

Today’s building show wasn’t quite as dramatic as it was the first couple of days, though the work seemed even more intense. When the framing was being done, the walls going up, the rafters set, every hour saw a huge difference — from a concrete slab to an actual building in progress.

Even though it was just as exciting to watch the building going on today, the changes came more slowly since the various steps seemed a lot more intricate. Trimming the overhang to make way for eventual gutters. Creating the fascia. Applying the tarpaper for the roof.

Shingling.

Even starting in on the siding.

Tomorrow, a couple of the workers will be back to finish the roof and the siding, and then, oh, woe is me. No more excitement until next Monday or Tuesday when the next phase begins, though I’m not sure what that will be. Doors and window maybe? Electricity?

Too bad about The Bob, otherwise I’d want a huge garage christening party when it’s all done. Maybe I’ll do it anyway, even if it’s just with the folks who have been doing the work. After all, by this time, they’re family, right?

***

Pat Bertram is the author of Grief: The Inside Story – A Guide to Surviving the Loss of a Loved One. “Grief: The Inside Story is perfect and that is not hyperbole! It is exactly what folk who are grieving need to read.” –Leesa Healy, RN, GDAS GDAT, Emotional/Mental Health Therapist & Educator.

Moving Right Along!

Last night when I happened to glance out the window to the backyard, I was taken aback to see a huge wall looming in the middle of the yard. It kind of scared me, though I don’t know why except that it seemed so massive. Today, after they cut the door and window out of that wall, it seems to have shrunk to a more manageable size, and now that the walls are finished and the roof is going up, it’s beginning to look like a building.

It’s amazing to me how much they’ve gotten done in just a couple of days.

It also amazes me how agile and strong they are, with such a great sense of balance. I wonder what it would be like to be able to build a garage or fix leaky pipes, or concrete a foundation or put up a fence — all things they have done for me while I could only watch in awe.

Judging by how much lumber and such is still piled up out there, I sense that even though they are moving right along, there is still a long way to go.

Lucky me! More days of excitement coming my way . . .

***

Pat Bertram is the author of Grief: The Inside Story – A Guide to Surviving the Loss of a Loved One. “Grief: The Inside Story is perfect and that is not hyperbole! It is exactly what folk who are grieving need to read.” –Leesa Healy, RN, GDAS GDAT, Emotional/Mental Health Therapist & Educator.

Wonderful Surprise!

Look!

The workers came to start framing the garage today. Such a treat, having the garage that much closer to being workable, and especially, having something different in my life.

As much of a hermit as I am, it’s still been hard to be so isolated, especially when life has been the same, day after day after day.

But today, things were not the same. Nor are they the same tonight. While three of the men worked on the garage, one worked in the basement, concreting the floor beneath the water heater and fixing a leaking pipe. I was all set to be without water tonight so that the concrete could cure, which I could have handled — sort of like an indoor camping trip — but they managed to seal off the hot water pipes. So I have water! Cold water, but it’s still water.

They’re supposed to be back tomorrow to do more work, which will be great. Not just because of additional progress on the building project, and not just for the entertainment value, but to start using up the materials that have been littering my yard for months. It wasn’t so bad in the winter when I didn’t go out anyway, but now that I have a few plants to take care of, I do have to go out, and it’s rather unsafe trying to meander around equipment and stumbling across uneven ground.

I’m looking forward to having my yard back. Meantime, tomorrow should be another wonderful day filled with joy.

***

Pat Bertram is the author of Grief: The Inside Story – A Guide to Surviving the Loss of a Loved One. “Grief: The Inside Story is perfect and that is not hyperbole! It is exactly what folk who are grieving need to read.” –Leesa Healy, RN, GDAS GDAT, Emotional/Mental Health Therapist & Educator.

Desperate Dealings

My big adventure for the day? A walk to the grocery store!

Freedom!!

The walk back wasn’t so joyful. The items I bought turned out to be much heavier than I’d expected, mostly because I’d used a cart. Normally, I juggle everything I pick out, which guarantees I won’t be getting more than I can carry, but since I had my trekking poles with me, it seemed easer to use a cart. I didn’t get that much — just things like beans for chili, vegetables and a can of garbanzos for a salad, and fruit for snacks — but it loaded up my pack.

I would say it was too much to carry, but since I am back here, writing this blog, it obviously wasn’t too heavy.

One thing I bought that I had never before in my entire life purchased was a can of Beanee Weenees. Apparently, my desperation for something different to eat made me resort to such an ignominious act. Whether I eat the stuff or not is a different story, but it is there is my cupboard in case I have to deal with an even greater desperation for variety.

That wasn’t my first slip into abnormality, either. I don’t keep desserts on hand because I don’t need the temptation, but the other night I was so desirous of something sweet, I heated leftover rice and added chocolate chips and walnuts. The gooey mess was actually pretty tasty and I could almost talk myself into believing it was healthy.

Today, though, except for that one Beanee Weenee slip, I’m back to normal, with chili cooking and chicken baking and salad making.

The few people I have talked recently to have mentioned foods they have eaten or craved because they, too are desperate for something different. So many people used to eat out a couple of times a week, and now, unless they want to make the effort to get food to go, they are stuck eating their own cooking, and they are getting tired of it.

What about you? How do you deal when you get tired of your usual fare and desperately need something else to eat?

***

Pat Bertram is the author of Grief: The Inside Story – A Guide to Surviving the Loss of a Loved One. “Grief: The Inside Story is perfect and that is not hyperbole! It is exactly what folk who are grieving need to read.” –Leesa Healy, RN, GDAS GDAT, Emotional/Mental Health Therapist & Educator.

At it Again

It seems rather unfair that while we are dealing with isolation and the effects of the current crisis, we are still having to field spam calls and emails. You’d think they’d give us a rest from their machinations, but apparently uncertain times make people ripe for the picking. And these callers are not minor players, but corporations in themselves — big business.

Something else that’s adding to the burden of isolation is this allergy season. Everyone I know who has been sick enough and worried enough to get tested for The Bob turned out to be negative for any virus and positive for allergies. Is this a worse allergy season than normal? I don’t know. There doesn’t seem to be any information on any other medical crisis. All that anyone talks about is this novel virus, which I have dubbed “The Bob” because of a bit of dialogue in A Spark of Heavenly Fire.

Speaking of other medical crises — whatever happened to the seasonal flu? According to various articles before the onslaught of The Bob, this had been a particularly bad and atypical flu season. It started earlier than normal and with the wrong flu strain. Generally, the A types of flu came first, followed by the B types, but this year, the B came first, followed by a long A and B surge. According to the CDC, as of February 12, 4.6 million flu cases had been diagnosed so far this year. Then came all the talk about a novel virus, and that was the end of the information about this atypical flu season. What happened to it? Did it simply disappear? No one is saying.

Oops. Here I am at it again — talking about the ramifications of The Bob. I was going to stay away from any more discussion about this situation because it seems to upset people, but then came a whole slew of spam calls as well as learning about friends’ allergy problems, and it got me started questioning again.

Well, in for a penny in, for a pound or maybe, since I’m not British, in for a dime, in for a dollar. A friend sent me a link to a television interview with two doctors from Accelerated Urgent Care in California who have studied immunology and microbiology extensively. Whenever they’d say something that echoes my concerns — that isolating healthy people is damaging in the long run because it is the contact with all sorts of pathogens that builds up our immune systems, and that delaying non-viral-related hospital visits will place an undue strain on hospitals after the restrictions are lifted — the interviewers would interrupt and try to get them back on the party line: lockdown good; business as usual bad. The doctors very patiently stuck to their script and managed to say what they needed to, not just about the immune system but about seeing abuse and suicides on the rise.

Although it seemed to make the interviewers nervous, the doctors weren’t wearing masks because, as the doctors explained, they knew the truth how the immune system worked. They also said now that so many people have been tested and found to have or have had the disease, the fatality rate is so very much lower than was predicted. And that hospitals are way below capacity, doctors and nurses are being furloughed, and that anyone who dies with the coronavirus is considered to have died of the corona virus.

Perhaps that’s where all the seasonal flu deaths have gone? Swallowed up in The Bob statistics?

I don’t know, but it is a question I don’t see answered anywhere.

In case you haven’t yet downloaded a free copy of my novel  A Spark of Heavenly Fire about a novel pathogen that caused a pandemic and forced Colorado to be quarantined, click here to get your free ebook: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/1842. Be sure to use the coupon code WN85X when purchasing.

***

Pat Bertram is the author of Grief: The Inside Story – A Guide to Surviving the Loss of a Loved One. “Grief: The Inside Story is perfect and that is not hyperbole! It is exactly what folk who are grieving need to read.” –Leesa Healy, RN, GDAS GDAT, Emotional/Mental Health Therapist & Educator.

Blowing in the Wind

Today has been a challenging day for reasons other than health — either mine or the world’s.

I was all set to go out for a walk this morning when the winds came up. Not breezes. Full winds. Since I was already dressed and not at all gruntled — I’m still feeling a bit ruffled by the minor (very minor) storm some of my posts have created — I figured this would be the perfect time to prune the dead branches from some bushes I’d transplanted because the unpleasant task wouldn’t ruin a good mood or a good day. Considering that most of the bushes that needed to be cut back were native roses, it turned out to be rather a prickly situation. Even with thick work gloves on, I still managed to draw blood.

After I’d wrestled the dead branches into the dumpster, I waited for the winds to calm down so I could run a necessary errand, but it didn’t happen. So I had to uncover my car while the winds were blowing. That turned out to be much the way I imagine it would be if one tried to fold up one’s parasail while one is blowing in the wind. Normally, I could have walked to do my errand — the bank is a mere three blocks away — but now only the drive-up is open. So, considering the battle to unwrap the car and fold up the cover, drive to the bank, head down the road a couple of extra miles to make sure the car got it’s weekly workout, then come back and recover the car, the errand took three or four times what it normally would.

Such are the adventures of my day.

I looked at the weather forecast — a rather foolish endeavor since in the past couple of months, few of those predictions turned out to be correct — and noticed that next week should be very warm, and the week after that quite hot. In the nineties. So I am trying to enjoy this cooler weather, wind notwithstanding.

But it’s March. Winds are to be expected.

Wait! March? No, it’s April! I seem to have lost a month somewhere along the line. Maybe the winds blew it away.

***

Pat Bertram is the author of Grief: The Inside Story – A Guide to Surviving the Loss of a Loved One. “Grief: The Inside Story is perfect and that is not hyperbole! It is exactly what folk who are grieving need to read.” –Leesa Healy, RN, GDAS GDAT, Emotional/Mental Health Therapist & Educator.

Why Am I Doing This?

Lately, I’ve been getting some rather hostile comments. I used to let such comments remain published, thinking it was cheating to only keep comments from people who more or less agreed with me or who disagreed with me in an agreeable manner, but I see no reason to accept all comments anymore. After all, it is my blog.

Still, when I get too much negative feedback, I wonder why the heck I’m doing this. I certainly don’t need any more unpleasantness in my life — there is enough coming my way without opening the door for more. But writing this blog has always been about me, my thoughts, my struggles to get through grief, my struggles to create a new life for myself, my times of joy and sorrow. Even more than that, though, writing is a way of getting thoughts out of my head when I can’t get rid of them any other way.

And this current situation has certainly made the thoughts go round and round, so much so that I get dizzy from trying to make sense of it all.

Yesterday, someone left the following comment on my Lockdown Protests post:

Please stop promoting your uninformed and harmful opinions. Yes, speech is free but death is not. Stop pretending to be a medical professional and stick to whatever it is you imagine to be your area of expertise. I, for one, wouldn’t take your advice about anything. Keep quiet and stick to whatever you know, which seems to be nothing at this point. Maybe your fictional work is more up your fictional alley.

The comment would have upset me more except for the erroneous assumptions — I don’t pretend to be a medical professional, I don’t offer advice, and I admitted I didn’t know the truth of what is going on, though I did give a brief synopsis of some of the things people are protesting about.

In fact, I came across a couple of articles today that said the very same thing I did: Instead Of ‘Flattening The Curve,’ We Flattened Hospitals, Doctors, And The U.S. Health Care System. And: If Half the Country’s Deaths Were in Montana, Would New York Shut Down?

I shouldn’t be sitting here explaining myself — what and why I write is no one’s business but my own. Still, these thoughts are in my head, and I need to get them out so I can enjoy the rest of this warm, sunshiny day.

So now they are in your head! Lucky you.

***

Pat Bertram is the author of Grief: The Inside Story – A Guide to Surviving the Loss of a Loved One. “Grief: The Inside Story is perfect and that is not hyperbole! It is exactly what folk who are grieving need to read.” –Leesa Healy, RN, GDAS GDAT, Emotional/Mental Health Therapist & Educator.

Lockdown Protests

I don’t know the truth of the protests against the lockdowns — there seems to be a lack communicate as to what is going on, especially since the same photo of a fellow carrying a flag with a swastika is being shown in various far-flung locations. But that is nothing new — the same photo that supposedly showed the crowds on the newly-opened Florida beaches ended up in California newspapers, ostensibly showing people on those beaches too. It was an old photo, anyway. Friends who have been to the beach posted photos of the truth — that the few people who are making use of the beaches are staying far away from one another.

I’m not a protester at heart. Nor am I protesting this current situation (though I do question it), but I can understand why people are protesting.

Considering that more than half the deaths of this current virus occurred in the New York metropolitan area, and considering that 21% occurs in 41 other states combined, you can see the scope of the problem — people are being forced out of their jobs for something that is not really affecting them, and might not ever affect them.

In Colorado, the majority of deaths are in the front-range cities, and those are the cities getting the money from the stimulus bill, though the economies of the less populated and poorer counties are every bit as devastated, especially since they have had to prepare for an emergency that hasn’t yet happened. (Apparently, those front-range counties got the money directly, and the rest was sent to Colorado to distribute to the rest of the counties, but as of now, the state is keeping the funds to offset a shortfall in their budget.)

The measures that are being taken to prevent an outbreak are killing people, just in a different way. There is already an ongoing fight to keep the economy alive here in my corner of Colorado because the Colorado legislature wants to demolish the private prison system that is the single major employer left in the area. With that gone, with small businesses gone, with no money from the stimulus package, many services in this and other counties will be suspended indefinitely, especially those catering to the most vulnerable people — the very people they are trying to “protect’ with their draconian measures.

No one around here is protesting. No one is really even complaining, though people are hurting., not just financially, but culturally and socially. People who have looked forward to high school graduation exercises — both students and parents — are being denied that right of passage. This is a town of churchgoers, and they are all being denied the comfort of those gatherings. Town festivals and other activities that bring money to the area are cancelled. People want things to go back to normal as soon as possible, and eventually, the highly populated places will be able to return to a semblance of normality since they have a big enough tax base and enough people to get things going again, but that does not hold true in the small areas that are following the rules but have no severe outbreaks. In the entire southeast section of the state, there have been a total of 23 cases, and 1 death. People say these state-wide measures are necessary to protect us, but protect us from what?

There was a terrible flu going around here at the end of December, the worst flu most people who got it ever had, with fever, dry cough, difficulty breathing. Considering that this corona virus has been around since the middle of November, and people have been traveling around the world during that time, it’s entirely possible this area has already had its outbreak. There was a terrible outbreak in West Virginia around that same time, and that has been identified as this same virus or a mutation of it.

I keep saying no one knows the truth of this situation and it’s true — there are so many different aspects that are being shoved into the shadows because they don’t fit anyone’s agendas. No one, certainly, wants to even mention the possibility of a previous outbreak and the questions that would arise from it.

A huge irony to this situation is that hospitals are going broke. People with cancer and other severe diseases aren’t being treated. Elective surgeries and any surgery that isn’t absolutely necessary are being postponed. All to make way for a crisis that in many cases isn’t occurring. The end death rate of the virus will be the same whether or not we have lockdowns. Lockdowns can slow the spread but not stop it (unless we continue them forever or force people to get a hurried-up vaccine that so many do not want). The initial point of the lockdowns was to save the hospital system, but the hospital system in most areas is under no strain at the moment. In fact, people who have had to go to the hospital are shocked by how unbusy they are. So what is the point of lockdowns now? Even worse, when the crisis has more or less passed and hospitals revert to a more normal operating agenda, the backlog of case will overwhelm the system for years to come.

Not all countries are doing lockdowns. (Sweden, for one, is pretty much continuing business as usual.) Moderate social distancing seems to work as well as keeping people at home.

One of the most interesting statistics I read (and cannot find the source again) is that the overall death rate right now is no higher than it normally is. Partly, this disease is nowhere near as fatal as it was assumed to be — in various studies, half the people tested either had it or have it with no symptoms, which brings the death rate more in line with the seasonal flu. And partly most deaths in both cases (this virus and the seasonal flu) belong to the same demographic. The elderly. The immuno-compromised. The frail and vulnerable. People who are at risk no matter what happens.

To me, one of the most damming aspects of this whole situation is how politicized it is. A medical crisis should be just that — a medical crisis, not a power grab by various factions who only have their own interests in mind, people who want to control us.

We all have our own interests in mind, of course, but most of us are putting up with these draconian measures because we believe that life matters. We are willing to protect the weak and vulnerable. But only up to a point, and that point is when we lose our livelihoods and even homes. (Although some mortgage companies and landlords are making concessions to these perilous times, others are not.)

And so the devastation continues.

Some people are still afraid of getting sick, but more and more, people are afraid of what is going to happen in the future. And they are getting angry. They want answers. They want information and proper statistics. The statistics we are getting are skewed — it’s been mandated that the medical profession be aggressive when listing causes of death, so there is no way to know how many people died with the virus or of the virus. The version the “official” experts offer as to what is going on is not the same as the version non-politicized experts are offering. No one knows who to believe, so they pick their level of truth, and they stick to it.

This disease is not a hoax, but the way it is presented to us makes the measures combatting this disease seem like a hoax especially the way they keep downplaying the false “facts” that the whole lockdown scenario was based on. These “facts” were nothing more than a projection, which turned out to be far less than accurate, which even the “official’ experts now admit. And a projection is just that — a projection. One possible scenario. And from that has been extrapolated all the hardships that are being dished up to us.

Although I am feeling as if I am being unjustly imprisoned (especially since Colorado will be extending the stay at home orders for seniors only), I would follow the procedure anyway. I don’t like getting sick, but quite frankly, that is my business. If people don’t want to get sick, they too can stay home. But I am not sick. Nor is anyone around here. (Except from allergies. So many of us are dealing with dry coughs and sinus congestion that has nothing to do with any flu.)

But I can understand why people are protesting. They are not sick. They don’t know anyone who is sick. They don’t know anyone who died, and yet they are forced into a situation where they stand to lose so very much.

At the same time, there were (and are) those who scream for the government to do something.

This whole situation has gone on too long to simply open the doors and tell people to go about their business, because there would be repercussions from that, too. But it’s gone on too long not to do that very thing.

I don’t know what the answer is. And the truth is, that no matter what the “experts” say, no one does.

***

Pat Bertram is the author of Grief: The Inside Story – A Guide to Surviving the Loss of a Loved One. “Grief: The Inside Story is perfect and that is not hyperbole! It is exactly what folk who are grieving need to read.” –Leesa Healy, RN, GDAS GDAT, Emotional/Mental Health Therapist & Educator.

Living in Lockdown

The stay-at-home order won’t be extended in Colorado when it expires in a few days, though there will only be a limited opening of businesses and interactions with people. Social distancing is still to be observed.

But . . . the senior population is still in lockdown, allowed to go out only when absolutely necessary. Apparently, agism is alive and well, especially since in many cases older folks are way more vulnerable to the effects of isolation than they are to any pathogen. Still, I’ll go along with the order since it doesn’t make much difference to the way I live my life though it is beginning to make me feel imprisoned.

There’s been no indication of when the library will reopen, and who knows — since I’m one of the locked-down seniors, they might not even let me in when it does open for business again. Social distancing, you know. I still have a couple of weeks’ worth of emergency books left, and I can extend that a bit by watching the DVDs I borrowed from a friend months ago, and then . . . who knows. It’s up to the vagaries of bureaucrats who seem to think we all live in big cities rather than in relatively unpopulated and impoverished counties as some of us do.

A ludicrous aspect of this situation are the emails I keep getting from various businesses, such as insurance companies and utilities, telling me they have my best interests at heart. Not enough to lower prices, of course, just enough to annoy and mystify me. For example, I’ve had appliance insurance for the past year that covered all the major appliances including my washer, and the company is changing over to a new policy that only covers the furnace, water heater, range, and air conditioner. My washer is acting up, and even though the new policy doesn’t go into effect for another week or so, they won’t send anyone out to fix my washer. Apparently, although I’ve been paying the premium, they’d already cancelled the original insurance without telling me.

And my internet provider sent an email saying that to ensure the safety of their customers, they will continue to do critical repairs, but added, “we’ve modified our processes so our technicians can complete exterior work as usual, while relying on our customers to complete interior work.” What the heck? We have to do our own repairs?

On a lighter note (perhaps), the garden frog I’d ordered months ago came in today. Although the statue photographed for the catalog looked happy, this one looks sad or at least pensive. Considering there is not yet a garden for the poor thing, no wonder it doesn’t seem all that pleased to be here.

But where there are plants, there’s hope, and I do have some plants in the ground, including a few lilacs that had to be moved when the garage foundation was put in.

It’s gloomy and windy today, but there is a 50% chance of rain, which would be nice. Not just for my incipient garden, but for a change.

And oh, do I need a change! I think I’ll brave the wind and go out for a short walk. Maybe the activity will blow away some of the feelings of isolation and imprisonment.

***

Pat Bertram is the author of Grief: The Inside Story – A Guide to Surviving the Loss of a Loved One. “Grief: The Inside Story is perfect and that is not hyperbole! It is exactly what folk who are grieving need to read.” –Leesa Healy, RN, GDAS GDAT, Emotional/Mental Health Therapist & Educator.

 

Deep Thoughts. Or Not

My last few posts have been more think pieces than my usual diary-like posts as I tried to figure out the truth of what is going on, but today, there isn’t a single thought in my head. Not a deep thought. Not a silly thought. Just . . .

It’s been a pleasant day so far, but I’m not sure it has anything to do with thinking, overthinking, or no thinking. It’s more a matter of having accomplished something.

I’d ordered some summer bulbs a few months ago, thinking my garage would be done by now and I could start landscaping, but nope. Not a single wall has gone up. Even worse, the yard is cluttered with building materials, the things that are supposed to stored in the garage, a metal carport that has already been traded but not yet taken away, and leftovers from the fence and other projects.

Still, the bulbs were just sitting in their packing materials, probably crying out for the sun, so I found a place for them in the yard that won’t be in the way of the workers when/if they ever show up.

I even connected a hose to the front yard water faucet, which is not as easy as it might seem. In fact, last fall when I tried to connect a hose, water spewed all over the place. Enough came through the hose that I was able to water the bulbs I’d just planted. (Some of which recently peeked above the ground, saw who was going to take care of them, and committed hari-kari instead of waiting for my ignorance to do the job for them. Others didn’t even bother checking to see what was going on.) Today, I cleaned the rust from the nozzle with Vaseline, and then the nozzle screwed on.

Such excitement, right?

I hope your day is as pleasant as mine is.

***

Pat Bertram is the author of Grief: The Inside Story – A Guide to Surviving the Loss of a Loved One. “Grief: The Inside Story is perfect and that is not hyperbole! It is exactly what folk who are grieving need to read.” –Leesa Healy, RN, GDAS GDAT, Emotional/Mental Health Therapist & Educator.