Bertram's Blog

Ten-Year Anniversary of My Road Trip

January 13, 2026 — Pat Bertram

Daily writing prompt

Think back on your most memorable road trip.

It’s odd to think that my cross-country road trip was ten years ago! It doesn’t seem that so much time has passed, and yet, I’ve lived what seems a lifetime since then — moving (both into a new location and out of grief), becoming a first-time homeowner, landscaping the yard, meeting new people and making new friends.

Despite the vast change in my life during the past years, I never had any problems adjusting to anything that happened to me probably because of all the traveling that had gone before — the twenty-one week cross-country trip, the longitudinal trips, the half-cross-country trips (from California to Colorado). I really enjoyed all those trips, but now, I’m just as glad to stay home. (Though I tend to think part of that is not wanting to drive my geriatric car too much anymore. I shudder at times to think of my traveling solo all over the country in my ancient VW bug. I made it safely, but I’m not sure I want to test my luck.)

There was so much to see and do on all of my trips, but the most memorable one has to be that cross-country trip. I was out there by myself, doing what I wanted, going where I wanted, camping when I could, staying in motels when I needed to, visiting friends. Most of those friends were people I’d met online, and I was amazed and honored by how well they treated me, taking me to see the special sights and sites in their area. I experienced more of the continental USA during that time than I had in all my previous years.

Lucky for me, even though I do remember the trip, I don’t have to. I documented my travels, from the first hesitant raising of my first tent to the final feeling of loss at finding myself the same at the end as I was at the beginning.

And lucky for you, you can experience my trip for yourself by clicking on this link: Road Trip 2016.

Safe travels wherever you go!

***

Pat Bertram is the author of Grief: The Inside Story – A Guide to Surviving the Loss of a Loved One.

Posted in Adventure, home, life. Tags: cross-country road trip, dailyprompt, dailyprompt-1816, glad to stay home, longitudinal trip, settling down, travel, vintage VW bug. 4 Comments »

Saved by the Snow

January 12, 2026 — Pat Bertram

Daily writing prompt

What snack would you eat right now?

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It’s too bad that snack foods are so dangerously unhealthy, otherwise I could live on packaged snacks — crunchy, salty, cheesy, sweet, easily available, no cooking, no dishes — yep, sounds good! Despite that convenience, I don’t often eat foods normally labeled as “snack,” though in a way, everything I eat is a snack since one of the definitions of snack is “a very small meal,” and I seldom eat a large meal. (Unless it’s one of those rare occasions I visit a Chinese restaurant.)

Still, I have created a few snacks for myself, such as peanuts and chocolate chips or walnuts and raisins. Or best of all, dried oranges drizzled with dark chocolate. Yum.

But that’s not the question. The question is what snack I would have right now. Considering that I am limiting sugar intake this month (except for honey in my tea), as well as staying away from grains, my choices are limited. So what would I eat right? Probably a hamburger patty topped with cheese. Or perhaps the last of my Christmas gift summer sausage with a few pickle chips. Or even a little tuna salad.

What a boring food life I lead!

Luckily, I read a lot and can vicariously enjoy many delicious snacks through the characters. Though, come to think of it, too many women characters sigh and moan when eating something special as if they were having a sexual experience, and that’s not something I would ever do. Food is just . . . food. I suppose eating is a sensual experience (well, of course it is — taste is a sense) but considering how I have limited my diet, eating, even snacking, is more about staving off hunger than anything else.

But now this blog prompt has got me thinking about ice cream and chocolate and cheesy snacks. Resolutions are meant to be broken, right? It’s a good thing the roads are too slick for me to drive, otherwise I’d forget my healthy intentions and head out to the store. Whew! Saved by the snow.

Of course, I cook bake something, brownies, perhaps, but no. Too much work. It’s easier to stick to my resolution.

***

Pat Bertram is the author of Grief: The Inside Story – A Guide to Surviving the Loss of a Loved One.

Posted in life. Tags: a very small meal, dailyprompt, dailyprompt-1815, food, health, healthy snacks, limiting sugar intake, nutrition, recipes, resolutions, Snacks, unhealthy foods. 8 Comments »

Reverse Memory

January 11, 2026 — Pat Bertram

I’ve often heard people say that as they get older, it’s easier to remember their childhood than what they had for breakfast. I wonder how old you have to be before that sort of reverse memory kicks in. Or is it more of a dementia thing than an elderly thing?

Studies have shown that after 75, people tend to start becoming truly elderly, leaping ahead in the aging game. Before that age, people’s bodies can keep up with healing whatever goes wrong, but after that age, the ability to heal slows, and so the infirmities add up. Is it the same with mental issues?

So far, my memory seems okay, with only the typical problems people of all ages have of not being able to dig a particular word out of their memory or getting sidetracked and forgetting food on the stove. I am not yet to the point where I forget what I had for breakfast while remembering my childhood. In fact, there’s little about my childhood I remember or even want to remember. I certainly don’t remember being this little girl, though she was (is?) me.

For the most part, I don’t think about the past. It seems irrelevant, and to an extent, non-existent since no one knows where the past is. Mostly, though, I don’t have any issues with the past. I’ve come to terms with any problems that might have lingered, worked through grief, and dealt with my regrets. I purposely did so because back when I was taking care of my father after Jeff died, I knew that someday I’d be needing to create a new life for myself, and I didn’t want to bring along any excess baggage.

So what happens if I get to the point where my short-term memory is shot and my long-term memory is all I have? Do I have to go back to thinking about things I stopped thinking about long ago?

It’s not just the past I don’t think about — I usually don’t think about the future, either. Just as that little girl I once was could never imagine my life today, I’m thinking that the woman I am today can’t imagine what my life will be as the years pass. Of course, I know where the highway of my life will end — where it ends for everyone. Still, I find it best not to look too far ahead, since such views can be worrisome.

A funny thought (or maybe not so funny) — I read so much, a book a day usually, that other people’s lives are more in my mind than my own. When I get to where I forget today and start reminiscing, will I remember those lives as my own? Probably not — considering how much I read — starting a new book as soon as the old one is finished — I don’t give any book enough time to slither from short term memory to long term storage.

As with most of what I think about, none of this matters. These are just idle thoughts to fill an idle mind.

Still, I do wonder.

***

Pat Bertram is the author of Grief: The Inside Story – A Guide to Surviving the Loss of a Loved One.

Posted in being me, dealing with old age, life. Tags: ability to heal slows down, After age 75, life, long term memory, mental-health, no regrets, not needing to remember the past, not wanting to remember the past, remembering the past, short term memory, writing. 3 Comments »

The Glad Game

January 10, 2026 — Pat Bertram

Daily writing prompt

Describe an item you were incredibly attached to as a youth. What became of it?

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Books have always been a part of my life, so it’s no wonder a few of the items I remember from my childhood were my books, all hand-me downs from my much older cousin. It’s possible they were even handed down to her, because they were old by the time I got them. Most I remember reading, but have no clear memory of author or title except for the Judy Bolton mysteries and a boxed set of five vintage Pollyanna books.

Whenever I got sick, I used to read those books. I must have been sick a lot since I read those books dozens of times. I gave away most of the books when I grew up, but I kept the Pollyanna books for years. A friend had once asked for them, and when I needed to downsize, I gave them to her. I have no idea what has happened to them since, but a single early edition of the Pollyanna books is worth about $2,000, which means the set would be worth a small fortune.

I can’t actually say I was incredibly attached to those Pollyanna books because obviously, I did give them away at some point. But no matter where they are now, and whatever they are worth today, all I know is that when I was a child, sick in bed, they were priceless.

Oddly, I was never enamored of her glad game — I could never see the point of being glad one didn’t need crutches when one wanted a doll (but oh, the irony that she ended up needing crutches after all!) — but I will play the game this once. I was very glad of those books!

Is there something you once were glad to have owned?

***

Pat Bertram is the author of Grief: The Inside Story – A Guide to Surviving the Loss of a Loved One.

Posted in books, life. Tags: dailyprompt, dailyprompt-1813, Judy Bolton, Pollyanna, Pollyanna glad game, treasures from childhood. 4 Comments »

Mission Statement

January 9, 2026 — Pat Bertram

Daily writing prompt

What is your mission?

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For a couple of decades, my mission was to write the best books I could, to get published, and ultimately to make a living as an author. I succeeded in the first two, and despite my focus and determination, I never figured out how to accomplish the third task.

Eventually my focus shifted, and I felt as if my mission was to tell the truth about grief: that there weren’t any clearly defined stages to climbing out of the pain but instead was a chaotic spiral of never ending and ever recurring emotions, physical side effects, and mental fog; that grief lasted longer than anyone could imagine; and that eventually you would become the person who could handle the soul-searing loss.

I kept at my truth-telling long after people told me I should “drop the mantle of grief” because so many grievers were helped by my raw writings, though to be honest, in real life, I did learn to cloak my sorrow, mostly to keep other people from feeling bad about my situation.

As the years passed, and I became the person I needed to be to survive the death of the person who made my life worth living, I felt less need to continue the mission. Those writings are all there for new grievers to find, but I no longer have anything to say on the subject.

Now my focus is taking care of myself so I can remain strong and independent and living in my own house until my road ends. This is not a mission so much as an intention. There’s no feeling as if this focus is a calling, no sense that it’s a quest, just a vague attempt to do the best I can for myself each day.

Maybe someday I’ll find another mission, but for now, I’m just as glad to drift, dealing with what comes as it comes, without an all-consuming purpose.

***

Pat Bertram is the author of Grief: The Inside Story – A Guide to Surviving the Loss of a Loved One.

Posted in being me, grief, life, writing. Tags: dailyprompt, dailyprompt-1812, having a mission, living well, surviving the death of a loved one, taking care of myself, the spiral of grief, the truth about grief. 10 Comments »

More Things In Heaven and Earth

January 8, 2026 — Pat Bertram

Daily writing prompt

What are your thoughts on the concept of living a very long life?

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What a person thinks about the concept of a long life is rather meaningless since one lives the years one is given, and thinking beyond that is rather pointless. But so are most hypothetical musings. I have no thoughts whatsoever on the long lives of other people (or other creatures — the prompt did not specify long life for humans). There have been accounts of alchemists who have cracked the code of life and managed to evade death, though I have never found the truth of that rumor. It’s possible, I suppose. As Hamlet said, “There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.”

As for a long life for myself, um . . . no. Most people nowadays who live many years beyond what the actuarial tables say they could live, end up frail, sometimes helpless, feeling useless, and occasionally beset by dementia and other bewildering complications. I so do not want that for myself. Until, of course, I get to that point, then I’m sure, like everyone else in that situation, I will do everything I can to keep on living another day.

What is a long life, anyway — outliving your usefulness? Living to one hundred or beyond? Living biblical years of nine hundred or a thousand? It seems that long life to one creature is but a blink to another. To Methuselah, the bristlecone pine in the Inyo National Forest that is almost 5,000 years old, our puny ages would be as nothing.

But speaking of me (which is what this blog always comes down to), if I could have remained young, strong, healthy, vibrant, active, full of youthful energy, and joints that would never give out, living to be as old as Methuselah (either the biblical person or the tree person) would be great. I’d walk the world — literally walk. Just start out on foot, and keep going, looking at everything I pass, musing on everything I see, talking to people I meet, learning what languages I can, watching the years go by as I tramp forever.

It seems that a major problem of a great age, even when one maintains one’s vigor, is boredom. Walking the world, would be a great way to stave off boredom and keep oneself young in spirit to match that ever young body.

Despite Hamlet’s words to Horatio, I tend to think such a dream truly is impossible since I am way past the youthful body stage of my life. I am grateful for the years I’ve had, look forward to more years, and hope that however long my life turns out to be, that I will find a way to enjoy each day.

Wishing the same for you, too.

***

Pat Bertram is the author of Grief: The Inside Story – A Guide to Surviving the Loss of a Loved One.

Posted in Adventure, dealing with old age, life. Tags: boredom, dailyprompt, dailyprompt-1811, health, life, long life, Methuselah, walking forever, writing. 2 Comments »

When Tried and True Isn’t Tried and True

January 7, 2026 — Pat Bertram

One of the many irritating things about having lived so many years (and admittedly, not the worst thing by any means) is that tried-and-true products are no longer tried and true. People argue that we don’t remember things exactly as they were, which could be possible in some cases, but I don’t believe it.

For example, Hershey’s cocoa powder is not the cocoa of my childhood. I do remember that long-ago powder — dark and rich and a tad bitter. Back then, the powder could not be directly mixed with liquid, it had to be mixed with sugar and a little water, heated on the stove until a paste formed, and milk gradually added. A long drawn-out process, hence (perhaps) the proliferation of hot cocoa mixes.

Now, the cocoa powder easily mixes with water, no heat necessary. The few times I make hot chocolate, I merely add the powder to honey, add enough water to make a paste, add milk, mix, then stick it in the microwave, and it’s done. Simpler, actually than using a packet, and healthier.

That dissolvability is not really an issue. I seldom make hot chocolate, and anyway, for that purpose, the new cocoa is better than the old cocoa.

Also, although the flavor is much blander than the original cocoa, it’s easy enough to double the chocolate a recipe calls for to get the necessary richness.

There is one recipe where the modern cocoa makes a huge difference, so much so that I no longer make the meal. It’s a meat dish, where the meat is dredged in flour, browned, then water and a teaspoon of cocoa powder is added, and as my mother said when she gave me the recipe, “cooked forever.” That gravy cooked up so dark that when I was young, I called it “black meat.” And in my family, the name stuck. The last time I made the recipe, the gravy turned out to be a sickly greyish-brown with none of the rich flavor of the earlier dish. My siblings found the same issue. Which to me proves that the change in the product has nothing to do with a faulty memory, and everything to do with a tried-and-true product being not so tried and true.

I don’t know what the change in the cocoa is. Supposedly the company processes it the same way, but perhaps they press out more of the cocoa butter than they used to. Or perhaps the beans they use are different.

Years ago I read that cacao trees were becoming extinct. Since they are best grown on cleared rainforest land in the shadow of the forest, and since the clearing of the forests was supposed to be curtailed, the habitat the trees needed would supposedly disappear. So who knows why chocolate is still prevalent. Perhaps there is a chocolate bean scarcity and what we call chocolate is mostly something that can best be described as “not chocolate.” Or they found a way to grow the trees without clearing rain forests. Or . . . whatever.

While the difference in what is available today and what used to be available is sometimes an irritant, I’ve made accommodations, and anyway, it’s a small annoyance in comparison to the major irritants of age, such as joint issues and aches that don’t seem to want to go away.

Still, if you ever find yourself on a time machine, will you do me a favor and on your way back pick up a couple boxes of the old Hershey’s Cocoa Powder for me? I would surely appreciate that!

***

Pat Bertram is the author of Grief: The Inside Story – A Guide to Surviving the Loss of a Loved One.

Posted in dealing with old age, life. Tags: black meat, changes in cocoa powder, changes in processing cocoa, Hershey's cocoa powder, hot chocolate, irritants of growing older, memories of childhood, time machine. 3 Comments »

Aged Thoughts

January 6, 2026 — Pat Bertram

So far this year, I’ve kept up with my resolutions and intentions, as well as inadvertent plans. “Inadvertent plans” meaning those things I’ve been doing without ever actually planning to do them, such as daily blogging.

Of course, this is only the fifth day of the new year, but still — to be keeping up with all I want to do is pretty impressive. At least, it is to me.

What’s funny is how much time everything takes. I knew things took a lot of time, which is why I got lackadaisical about doing them. Blogging, by the time I write, rewrite, edit, add images, figure out tags and actually post the thing takes a couple of hours. Exercise — both the stretching (which includes therapy for my knees) and walking — takes another hour. And cooking, eating, and cleaning up after myself as well as other household chores and personal maintenance takes another hour or two or even three.

Lately it seems as if once I’ve done what I’ve planned, there isn’t a whole lot of time left of the day. Admittedly, I am trying to do more, and the day ends early. Despite the end of the creeping darkness and the gradual returning of the light, sunset comes quickly: today the sun will set at 4:47 pm.

Even taking all that into consideration, the day seems to disappear, which makes me wonder if I am moving slower. Is it possible that one can move slowly without knowing it? It doesn’t seem as if I take a longer time to do the things I’ve often done, and yet, the hours evaporate.

A lot of things change around a person without their being aware of it, such as age. Even in late middle age and early old age, we still feel the same as we always did, and despite occasional twinges and a few wrinkles (well, perhaps more than a few!) we tend to think we still look the same. People used to tell me how young I looked, and yet, I was often given a senior discount without requesting it, which told me that I might look good for my age, but when it comes to comparison with young workers, I must look ancient.

Even if our minds slow, we don’t really notice because we are always at home in our own minds. So perhaps it’s the same with movement. We seem to move with the same level of effort, but the effects of that effort, obviously, change with the years, but when does that change come, and will we know it?

None of this really matters, of course. I do what I can when I can, move at a comfortable pace, and as long as there are enough hours to accomplish what I want to accomplish each day, it’s no one’s business (maybe not even my own) about how much of the day is left to read and relax.

Still, I do wonder how much slower I am moving, and how it will affect me during the coming years. Luckily, I don’t often give in to such aged thoughts, which helps me forget the number of years heaped on my head.

***

Pat Bertram is the author of Grief: The Inside Story – A Guide to Surviving the Loss of a Loved One.

Posted in being me, blogging, dealing with old age, life. Tags: at home in our own minds, changes with age, fifth day of new year, goals, inadvertent plans, intentions, mental-health, moving slowly, new year, new years resolutions, resolutions, writing. 2 Comments »

Gardens on my Mind

January 5, 2026 — Pat Bertram

Yesterday, I watered my lawn. Perhaps it didn’t need the moisture, but when the temperature gets up to 74 degrees this time of year, it’s better to be sure the grass has the water it needs. I read and blogged about eighteenth century gardens. And I made a few sketchy notes in my new RHS Gardener’s Five-Year Record book, though there’s not a lot to record this time of year. Mostly, I just mentioned the weather and that the larkspur seedlings are making themselves at home.

This seems an odd time of year to be thinking of gardening, and yet for most people this is when the fun is — looking through catalogs and planning what to buy to fill in one’s garden. Not me, though. I usually wait until the local hardware store stocks up on plants and get whatever is available. Or I wait until fall and buy chrysanthemums and whatever else likes to be planted so late in the year.

Still, I have gardens on my mind. In the back of my Gardener’s Record Book, is a section to list any gardens I wish to visit. That’s a section that will remain blank. Any gardens I wanted to see, I already have, as well as a few gardens I’d never heard of until I was actually there.

For example, when I went to stay with a friend during my 2016 Cross-country trip, she took me to see Fort Worth Botanical Gardens. The highlight of that visit was the exotic butterfly garden in their conservatory.

She also took me to see the Chandor Gardens, a series of formal gardens created by Douglas Chandor, a renowned English portrait painter. Living artistry was certainly his calling!

The Calloway Gardens in Georgia was a garden I found on my own. I was lucky to get there just when the Azaleas were in bloom, and oh, my! So lovely.

Calloway Gardens calls the Overlook Azalea Trail the most beautiful place on earth, though that claim is rivaled by the Crystal Springs Rhododendron Garden in Portland. Another gorgeous place that a friend in Portland took me to.

Though not technically a garden, the Antelope Valley Poppy Preserve in California is up there with the best in beauty.

And though not a garden at all, the Painted Desert in Arizona certainly acts as if it is.

Despite all that loveliness, I have to say that there is nothing like one’s own garden. Even though mine doesn’t have the panoramic beauty of those gardens I visited, mine finds its beauty in the work I’ve done, the thought I’ve put into it, and the fact that it is here and not in some far-flung state.

***

Pat Bertram is the author of Grief: The Inside Story – A Guide to Surviving the Loss of a Loved One.

Posted in gardening, life. Tags: Antelope Valley Poppy Preserve, Calloway Gardens, Chandor Gardens, Crystal Springs Rhododendron Garden, exotic butterfly garden, Fort Worth Botanical Gardens, living artistry, Painted Desert. 2 Comments »

Gardens, Now and Then

January 4, 2026 — Pat Bertram

I recently finished reading a book that was so unmemorable, just about the only thing I remember is how bad it was. I certainly don’t remember the title or the author. I do remember, however, all the talk of eighteenth-century gardens.

I didn’t know that there were various styles of gardens. I just figured people did what I am doing — create their own garden using the space, the climate, the soil, and their own sense of practicality to best utilize the area.

I started with a gravel border around my house to protect the foundation, which unfortunately didn’t keep one corner from collapsing. Luckily, that’s fixed, now. Whew!

Then I figured out where I would want to walk in the yard, and had pathways put in. When I moved here, there were only weeds and rocks and uneven ground to trip the unwary, so those pathways were important, especially as I knew I wouldn’t be getting any younger. (Though, who knows. Stranger things have happened, I’m sure.)

When the old garage was torn down, the concrete slab in front of that derelict building was left in place, so I used that as a foundation for a gazebo. And where the garage was, I had a raised garden built.

The rest of the yard, I filled in with bushes, grass, a couple of trees, and lots of flowers. That part of the garden is always a work in progress since plants die, seed themselves, and new flowers beg to be planted.

So, there is some balance in my yard: a few distinct areas, a couple of places to sit, grassy areas, places to grow vegetables. Best of all, it gives me something different to look at with every turn of the path.

Apparently, this isn’t the way everyone gardens, or even the way people used to garden. The Hanging Gardens of Babylon were definitely planned out. They weren’t actually hanging gardens (if they even existed), but were “overhanging” gardens, supposedly built as ascending terraces, planted with trees, bushes, and flowers, to create a luxurious green hill.

In the eighteenth century (what all this was leading up to), gardens were geometric, with the various pieces of the geometry shape enclosed by hedges to create outside rooms. A pleasure garden for picnicking. A kitchen garden. flower gardens. Topiary gardens. Gazebos and other outbuildings. Water décor such as fountains and ponds. And tree-lined paths to connect the sections.

The Spanish Garden at Newstead Abbey by Trevor Rickard is licensed under CC-BY-SA 2.0

Such gardens, as well as gardens before and after, needed architects to get everything correct. Even though in my haphazard way, I have a few elements of an eighteenth-century garden, such as distinct garden areas, paths, and a gazebo. Unlike eighteenth century gardens, I have grassy areas, as well as wild areas. But then, I didn’t set out to create such an historical garden. Didn’t even know they existed, to be honest.

Admittedly, my yard is a lot smaller than the usual eighteenth century garden, and I spent a fraction of the cost, but that was never the point. The point, for me, was . . . Hmmm. I’m not sure what the point was of creating my garden. What I wanted when I moved here was a work-free yard, one that took care of itself. And yet, what I have is . . . well, a mini park that takes a lot of work!