This is not another “ideal life” post, but it comes close. For sure, though, it’s a post about gratitude.
I am utterly and sincerely grateful for my simple life.
I just talked to a woman who has a four-hour daily commute for work, an Australian fiancé, a young son she has sole custody of, all of which turns her life into a logistical . . . well, not nightmare, because her son and her soon-to-be husband are not nightmares, but it creates an untenable situation. He can come here and they can get married, but once he’s applied for a green card he can’t go back to Australia for more than a year. And the same if she were to get married there. They don’t want to live here particularly, but they can’t take the child out of the country until he’s old enough to decide for himself where he wants to live. And if the fiancé moves here, he loses a great job, moves to a place he doesn’t particularly like, and leaves his extended family behind.
As we talked, she mentioned a few other logistical problems. Then we moved on to other topics, such as a mutual acquaintance who is dealing with some of the same issues, though he doesn’t mind living in Thailand with his new wife until she’s able to come to the USA. He has people here who take care of his house for him (me being one of them), but still, he’s been up in the air for over a year about what is eventually going to happen.
And a close relative recently married a Vietnamese woman who was twice turned down for a visitor’s visa. Now they have to go through the lengthy wait for immigration and then a visa (two different bureaucracies, apparently. It’s possible to be okayed for immigration but turned down for a visa.) She doesn’t want to be a US citizen, he doesn’t want to live there permanently (though they are hoping for six months in each place), so I don’t quite know how all that will work out.
But . . . and it’s a big but for me — it’s not my problem!!!
I don’t travel so I don’t have the possible nightmare of falling in love with someone from another country who may or may not be eligible for a move to this country. Frankly, I have no intention of ever being with anyone again. No falling in love, no getting married, no living with anyone. So, see? Simple!! I have no small children to take into consideration, no elderly parents, no horrible commute, no travel expenses.
It’s just me, my house, my simple life.
Maybe it’s a bit insensitive of me to be giving thanks for this simplicity when friends and relatives are dealing with such complexity, but this is the way things turned out for me. Usually at this point, I add a caveat about being aware that on a moment’s notice, things in life can change drastically (perhaps worse but possibly better) but I decided not to do that. I’m just going to bask in the simplicity — and gratefulness — of today.
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Pat Bertram is the author of Grief: The Inside Story – A Guide to Surviving the Loss of a Loved One
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