When Chaos Rains

Yeah, I know — the expression is when chaos reigns, but lately it seems as if chaos is raining down on me like an acidic shower that erodes everything it touches. Maybe things aren’t that bad. It’s possible I simply no longer have any perspective on the way things should be.

Take today for example. My car broke down last Wednesday, and every day since then the mechanic has promised to have the car ready for me. Normally, this wouldn’t be a problem except that my 97-year-old father is going through a medical crisis, and I’ve had to beg for rides to pharmacies for his medications, to doctors appointments, to and from the hospital. A lovely woman squired us around today, taking us not only to the doctor but to the hospital afterward when the same doctor who didn’t want to admit my father last Thursday decided my father needed hospital care after all.  My friend waited for me for arain while, then when I got tired of watching my father sleeping in the emergency room because they didn’t have a bed for him, we went out to dinner. Afterward, she took me back to the hospital so I could check on him once more, and it’s a good thing because they hadn’t fed him. And he was cold.

I got that straightened out, then my friend drove me home only to be met my demented brother who screamed obscenities at her. Cripes, she didn’t deserve that. Well, neither do I, of course, but her only “sin” was doing a good deed. She is used to dealing with the problems of the aged, so she understood what I was going through with my father, but now I feel bad for even asking her.

Luckily she, like everyone else in my life, knows the truth, so she didn’t believe brother dearest’s accusations that I’m killing the old man. (Where does he get this stuff?)

Perhaps I will get my car back tomorrow (with a hefty repair bill, I might add), but it’s no longer critical. I don’t need to worry about getting my father to the doctor’s office or to the hospital since he is already there. Well, sort of there. He’s parked in the emergency room with minimal care because even if they did have a bed for him, they don’t have the staff to man and woman it. Still, he’s right next to the nurse’s station, and she just got on duty and isn’t bored with the day yet, so he should be okay.

Me? I am so not cool. I lost my temper and screamed at my brother . I feel as if I should be above such base activities, but I am not always the person I want to be. Someday, perhaps . . .


Pat Bertram is the author of the suspense novels Light Bringer, More Deaths Than One, A Spark of Heavenly Fire, and Daughter Am I. Bertram is also the author of Grief: The Great Yearning, “an exquisite book, wrenching to read, and at the same time full of profound truths.” Connect with Pat on Google+. Like Pat on Facebook.

7 Responses to “When Chaos Rains”

  1. Millie Gordon Says:

    My middle son, 42, is dual diagnosed…mentally ill and a drug addict. He lives on the strret. He shows up every so often for a shower and to wash his clothes and to sleep without being in any danger, as so many homeless street people are at night. I never know who he will be when he comes hone, the gentle loving son who can’t do enough for me, taking out the trash, bringing in the mail, or the belligerant, foul-mouthed ugly smelly person who appears in his body and answers to his name. We are allowed to lose it and scream at them. Sometimes if we don’t, they won’t hear us. It’s payback, after all, they scream at us. I would suggest talking to someone at your local county mental health program to see if you have any options. Good luck. And good luck to your father with his health issues. Blessings on you.

    • Pat Bertram Says:

      It’s true. He simply doesn’t hear if I talk in my normal voice, mostly because he is too busy haranguing me. I seldom see the diffident and vulnerable person he once was, the brother who once cared for me.

      Thank you for your wise words. Blessing on you, too.

  2. Holly Bonville Says:

    Wow. That is a lot to deal with. I do hope you get your car back, I know what it is like to be without wheels. Hope your father is feeling better and that things ease up.

  3. rami ungar the writer Says:

    Perhaps when things are a little less crazy you should investigate getting your brother involuntarily locked up. As his closest relative, you can do it if a psychologist agrees he needs help.

  4. Coco Ihle Says:

    Pat, It seems to me you are exercising a great deal of restraint! I don’t know how you do it!!! My prayers are with you for strength and for some sort of a solution to your brother’s situation. A few days in the hospital for your dad should give you a little respite. I hope so. And i hope you get your car back right away without a big bill!!! Bless you!!!!!

    • Pat Bertram Says:

      Thank you for your support, Coco. Still no car, but for now, there is no emergency. And a wonderful dancing friend offered to loan me a car if I needed it. People are good. I forget that sometimes in the terrible cocoon of this household.

  5. cicy Rosado Says:

    Pat this soon will pass hang in there remember God is with you! oh the mirrors are going to be put up tomarrow at 3:30 and the same for the door the mirror fellow does doors too! see how god provides?

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