Putting Grief into Perspective

July 2, 2012 — Pat Bertram

In light of all the horrors going on the world today — massive fires, floods, ghastly diseases — talking about my grief seems a bit self-indulgent. In my favor, my intent was never to get people to feel sorry for me, but merely to chronicle one woman’s journey through grief. I wanted to tell what it felt like to lose a life mate/soul mate since I’d never experienced such a massive onslaught of pain, both physical and psychical. In fact, I never even knew such hurt was possible.

Now that my pain has subsided to irritation and sensitivity, mood swings and easily hurt feelings, continuing to blog about my grief does seem a bit over the top as if I’m trying to dramatize myself. But again, that is not my intention. Grief lasts a long time and can cause much damage to the souls of the bereft if not allowed to follow a natural healing cycle, and these more petty side effects of grief are still part of the grieving process. Even when I’m mostly healed and grief assimilated into my life, there will still be the second half of the process to deal with — finding new meaning, new joy, perhaps even a new identity. And all those steps are worth chronicling.

I write this blog mostly for me (and also to show writers the truth about grief since many get it wrong), so any help other grievers glean from my writing is an added blessing. In other words, what I’m writing here in this post today is a reminder for myself of what I am trying to accomplish with these posts as well as trying to put my grieving into perspective.

Sometimes now, I am far removed from the initial pain, and I look back and wonder what the big deal was. So I lost my life mate/soul mate — others have endured such losses and not screamed their pain to the blogosphere. Was it really so hard? Um . . . yeah. It was excruciatingly difficult.

At the same time I marvel that I made such a big deal of my grief, I marvel that within two months of his death I managed to get his funerary arrangements made, his finances tied up, his “effects” and belonging disposed of, the house cleaned, our remaining possessions packed and stored, a new bank account set up, my driver’s license renewed, and make my way 1000 miles from home to look after my 95-year-old father. That’s a lot of work even for a person who isn’t grieving to do by herself. I have no idea how I managed to get all that done within such a short time, especially since I was reeling from a tsunami of agony and anger and angst.

In the two years and three months since his death, others have lost their spouses, their children, their parents, their health, their houses and all they hold dear, and my grief seems pale in comparison, but the truth is, all we can do is travel our own path. What might seem rosier in another’s life or what might seem more horrific, doesn’t change the truth of our own journey. And this is my path — following grief wherever it might lead me.

Posted in blogging, culture, grief, life. Tags: , , , , . 10 Comments »

Sundries

June 29, 2012 — Pat Bertram

Sundries are articles too numerous to be listed separately, and though I am going to list each sundry individually,  none of them need a separate blog post.

First — “sundry” is an adjective meaning “various,” so the way I used it here is wrong though it feels right and fits with “sundries,” which I did use correctly, so I’m leaving “sundry” here. If you want to fight about it, it’s only fair to warn you that my adjectives are stronger than yours. (Sorry, couldn’t resist the silliness, though perhaps I should have.)

Second — I am being interviewed on Susan Whitfield’s blog today, so be sure to stop by to learn more about me. (Though you probably know everything about me since you’ve been reading this blog for a long time, right?) Cick here for: Pat Bertram’s Light Bringer on Susan Witfield’s blog

Third — I am collaborating with six other authors to write a mystery online. Residents of Rubicon Ranch are finding body parts scattered all over the desert. Who was the victim and why did someone want him so very dead? Everyone in this upscale housing development is hiding something. Everyone has an agenda. Everyone’s life will be different after they have encountered the Rubicon. Rubicon Ranch, that is. We don’t know the ending, and will not know until the story is written. So stop by and see the story as it is developing. Welcome to “Rubicon Ranch: Necropieces”

Fourth — I have a fan page on Facebook. Don’t quite know what it’s good for, but if you feel like liking the page, you are welcome do so. Pat Bertram’s Fan Page on Facebook.

Fifth — I have been blogging every day since September 25, 2011, so this is my 278th straight blog post. I originally planned to blog daily for 100 days in a row, but somehow just kept up the habit. Do you think I can keep it up for another 87 days without running out of topics?

Sixth: You can get the latest Second Wind anthology, Change is in the Wind for only $.99 cents on Smashwords. Use the coupon code FC75E when purchasing.

I think that’s a long enough list to be considered sundries. Oh, just one more point — thank you to everyone who has supported this blog and me, especially during the past couple of years. You helped me get through some hard times.

Posted in blogging, life. Tags: , , , , . 2 Comments »

Three Simple Ways to Increase Views on Your WordPress Blog

June 22, 2012 — Pat Bertram

In my travels around the internet, I see a lot of blogs. There is nothing more annoying than to stop at an interesting article, want to see more by the writer, and have no other articles available to see. Many people use the standard archives widget, which is nothing more than a listing by date. What good does that do anyone? A date is not exactly a compelling reason to check out more of the blog.

In case anyone is curious what I wrote on a particular day, I do have the date widget, as you can see toward the bottom of my right sidebar, but I use a drop down box in place of a long list of dates. I also have “categories” toward the bottom of my left sidebar, but that is almost as useless. “Grief” and “writing” and “life” are almost as dull as a date. However, if you will look toward the top of my left side bar, you will see “Recent Posts” and “Top Posts.” Recent posts, obviously, are the most recent posts, and top posts are the ones that got the most views for the past forty-eight hours. This gives anyone who is interested in reading more of my articles a sampling of my writing. If you don’t use such widgets on your WordPress blog, why not? It takes only a few minutes to add the widgets.  Here’s how:

Rest the mouse cursor on the name of your blog in the top left hand corner until you get a dropdown box. Click on “widgets.” On the widget page, find “Recent Posts” and “Top Posts and Pages,” and drag them to your sidebar. If you have more than one sidebar, as I do, drag them to the sidebar where you’d like to see them featured. Title the widget if you want, or leave the title WordPress gives them, choose the number of posts you’d like to display, and click “save.” That’s it. Simple, right?

What’s even simpler is creating a page with an archive of all your posts. Supposing you have a lot of posts you are proud of and you want people to be able to see all your titles at a glance — it will take forever to list them, won’t it? Nope. Won’t take but a minute.  Here’s how:

Rest the mouse cursor on the name of your blog in the top left hand corner until you get a dropdown box.  Let the cursor rest on “new” then click “page.” Add a title to the page, then in the body of the post, write [a r c h i v e s]. Use the brackets, and don’t put spaces between the letters. I had to add spaces, otherwise you wouldn’t see the shortcode, you would only see the list of all my blog posts.

Now, the next time I visit your blog, I’ll have a reason to stay and read awhile.

Posted in blogging, internet, writing. Tags: , , , , , . 5 Comments »

How To Do an Online Interview

May 25, 2012 — Pat Bertram

I have a couple of blogs where I promote other authors, and so few authors follow the directions, I’ve become convinced writers have no idea how to read. Or perhaps they believe the directions don’t apply to them? Even so, bloggers cannot post what they do not have. So, for all you authors out there who are promoting your books, if you wish to be a guest on someone else’s blog, please follow the bloggers’ directions. The directions are there for a reason, partly to make it easier for the blogger, but mostly to make the interview or guest post as pleasing and compelling as possible to attract readers for your books.

If bloggers ask for a link to your book cover, please provide one. You have posted your book cover somewhere on the internet, right? So, provide that link. (For example, I have posted all of my book covers on the right sidebar of this blog and on my website, so I could provide either link.) If bloggers are going out of their way to promote you and your book, don’t make it harder by making them search for a photo or a link because generally, they won’t take the time. And, as I said, bloggers cannot post what they do not have.

If the blogger gives you an option where you can choose from a list of questions, please choose questions to which you can give full answers. Responding, “I don’t know” to a question is a waste of your time, the blogger’s time, and the reader’s time. If you don’t know, pick a question to which you do know the answer. Giving monosyllabic responses is just as bad. You’re a writer, right? Supposedly you know how to hook readers. So hook them. Tell them something interesting. Most writers say they have no message in their books, that they just want to entertain, so be entertaining.

Almost as bad as “I don’t know” is saying “It’s difficult to describe.” You’re a writer. Take the time to find the necessary words. And please, do not respond to a question with, “You’ll have to read the book.” There are 130,000,000 published book as of this very moment, so people have plenty of options. They don’t have to read your book. You have to make them want to read your book.

For my Author Questionnaire, I begin with the question, “What is your book about?” It’s the hook, the reason why we are all at the blog — to know about your book. So, please, don’t start your interview with boring questions like, “Is this your first book?” Why would the reader care if it’s your first book if they don’t know what it is about? And please give the title of your book. If you’ve done your job right, people are going to want to learn more about your book, but if you haven’t provided a title, how will readers know what it is?

Proof your interview or guest post. If your interview is full of typos, people will assume that your book is full of typos. If your grammar is sadly lacking, people will assume your book is as ungrammatical. And if your interview is boring, people will assume your book is also boring. So please, spend time on your presentations. It does you no good to carelessly throw together an interview, guest post, or excerpt, and expect readers to instantly fall in love with you and your work.

But most of all, follow the directions. I ask people to submit their interview as a comment reply on the blog, yet every day I get a message from someone asking for my email address so they can send me their interview. Um. No. If I wanted it sent via email, I would have provided the address.

Only about 10% of the people who do interviews for me provide everything I ask, which is why I am writing this blog. It’s a way of getting rid of my frustration and at the same time remind people to FOLLOW DIRECTIONS!

(If I haven’t scared you off, click here to find the directions for my Author Questionnaire.
Click here to find the directions for my Character Questionnaire.
And click here to Let me post your excerpt!)

Posted in blogging, How to, writing. Tags: , , , , , . 4 Comments »

I am going to be on blog talk radio today!

May 7, 2012 — Pat Bertram

I am going to be on blog talk radio today speaking to Jo-Anne Vandermeulen. Or should I say, she will be speaking to me? Either way, we will be discussing my new book, Grief: The Great Yearning, why I wrote it, and why the book is important. If time allows, we’ll also talk about how I help other writers and perhaps we might touch on more general topics, such as the future of books. (Jo-Anne wanted a list of ten topics for us to discuss. I guess she didn’t realize I could talk for hours about grief and its unwelcome role in our lives.)

The show is a half an hour, from 6:30pm ET to 7:00pm ET (3:30pm PT to 4:00pm PT). I hope you will tune in to listen, but if you can’t, well . . . blogs are forever, and blog talk is no different. The show will be available whenever you get a chance to check it out. It should be a good show. Not only is 30 minutes a manageable block of time, there will only be one guest (me!) and one host, so it should be a dynamic show. And anyway, you’ve been wanting to hear what I sound like, so here is your chance!

Link to show: Talk Radio Network with Friend and Author Pat Bertram

Guest call-in number: (347) 857-3752

Posted in blogging, internet, life. Tags: , , , , . 4 Comments »

Comment Spam

April 26, 2012 — Pat Bertram

Sometimes the most amusing comments that are posted on the internet are the mangled bits of spam that clog the blogoshere. Here the most current ones that graced this blog:

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This last one actually makes sense, but then it would have to since it’s promoting a site called “genius love” (a site so dangerous, my internet protection wouldn’t let me check it out):

6. The difficulties you meet will resolve themselves as you advance. Proceed, and light will dawn, and shine with increasing clearness on your path.

Posted in blogging, internet, writing. Tags: , , . 3 Comments »

Finding Time to Write

April 24, 2012 — Pat Bertram

I’ve been trying to get back into writing, but I never seem to able to find the time. There are always so many things that need to be done. Take yesterday, for example. I started out the morning answering emails. I don’t get as many emails as most people, but still, writing responses to the ones that required my attention took me over an hour.

Then I wrote a simple blog post. It was a recap of on online discussion, so it shouldn’t have taken me long, but it did. I’ve heard that people should allocate twenty minutes to updating their blogs, but somehow, my twenty-minute blogs end up taking hours. Writing is how I think, and sometimes it takes a while for the thoughts to coalesce. Sometimes it takes a while to find the right words to express the thoughts. And sometimes it takes a while to edit and copyedit the article to make sure it’s readable and that my point is clear. All those “a while”s added up to three hours yesterday.

When I finally posted the blog, I took time out for a walk and a meal, then I returned to the computer and had an email conversation with a friend who had also suffered the loss of her mate. Since she seems to have reached a place of peace, I wanted to know how she did it. I know I can go on alone since I am doing it, but the thing that still makes me feel as if I’m about to fall off the earth is that he is dead. No matter how well I do, no matter how much peace I attain, he will always be dead. Of course she had no answers for me — one person’s way of learning to live without is not the same as another’s — but she did say something that struck a chord: “the world comes back.” This was an important conversation for me, and I’m glad I had the time to spend, but still, writing my side of the exchange took a couple of hours.

I love comments on my blog, and always enjoy communicating with those who do comment, but that takes time. Yesterday evening, it took me almost an hour to write my responses.

And finally, Facebook. Need I say more? Well, maybe I do. I had several messages that required replies, discussions that needed input, updates that cried out for comments. In all, that added a couple more hours of writing to my writing time.

That’s when I realized why I have no time to write — I spend all my time writing! So, to find time to write, all I need to do is stop writing.

Posted in blogging, internet, life, writing. Tags: , , , , . 6 Comments »

Writing Worth Reading

April 22, 2012 — Pat Bertram

In a world where anyone can write a book and get it published regardless of  its merit or readability, authors have come to believe they can write however they wish. And of course, they can. Who is going to stop them? There are no longer any gatekeepers to the world of publishing. But still, writing is about communicating. If a writer cannot communicate what he or she wants to say so that another person can follow the story or article without sorting through typos, unruly punctuation, or poor sentence structure, then the writer has failed.

Whether we are bloggers, content producers for various websites, novelists, these are all tenets we must heed:

1. Use dynamic verbs and concrete nouns, and keep adjectives and adverbs to a minimum. Watch for word qualifiers such as “a little,” “quite,” “somewhat.” They undermine our authority and make our writing seem indecisive.

2. Action first; reaction second. Cause first, effect second. “He finished smoking his cigar, then he aired out the room.” Not: “He aired out the room after he finished smoking his cigar.” When we don’t use the proper sequence, our writing seems unfocused.

3. Use active voice; too much use of passive makes our writing seem muffled.

4. Don’t be clever just for the sake of cleverness, don’t complicate the obvious, and don’t be unconventional for the sake of being exotic; ultimately, our readers will feel used or confused, and we will lose them.

5. Punctuation, spelling, and grammar do count. Content is important, but what good is all our wisdom if we come across as dolts?

6. Strive for clarity, economy, grace, and dignity. We can string words together, but without at least a couple of these particular elements, our writing will not be worth reading.

Posted in blogging, How to, writing. Tags: , , , , . 4 Comments »

Introducing the Best Multi-Author Blog in the Blogosphere

April 13, 2012 — Pat Bertram

Have you checked out the Second Wind Publishing blog lately? If not you’re missing a treat. It’s turning out to be one of the best blogs around, certainly the best multi-author blog and the most multi-talented.

Today’s feature is the brilliant and vastly amusing Pet Fashion Faux Paws by Mickey Hoffman, author of School of Lies and Deadly Traffic:

“Next we have the Sex Kitten look. Unfortunately (or conversely if you’re so inclined) this section does not describe feline sex. If you want to hear about that, kitties, you’ll have to read a different publication. The Delta Pet Inquirer is a family-friendly magazine! Anyway, ruched lace, chiffon and sequins are not alluring when draped on a fur coat.  From our research we’ve come to understand that the entire purpose of a lace nightie is to show bare skin and unless you’re a member of the hairless cat breed, that’s not going to happen” [Click here to read the whole post.]

Noah Baird, author of Donations to Clarity, gives us an irreverent but hilarious look at the Easter Bunny and various other goodies in You Don’t Know Easter:

“So, why the egg? I tell my kids the rock used to cover JC’s tomb happened to be shaped like an egg. Presto! Tradition! The reality is more mundane. Christians didn’t eat meat or dairy during Lent. Back in JC’s day, eggs were considered . . . dairy. Dairy was any animal-derived foodstuffs rendered from an animal without shedding its blood. This is way before we had a FDA or a congress to tell us what food is. Considering congress classified pizza sauce as a vegetable, things haven’t improved much.” [Click here to read the whole post.]

Coho Ihle, author of She Had to Know, talks about her The Rude Awakening when she discovered that a friend had skin cancer.

“Since I was an entertainer much of my adult life, I did a lot of sunbathing both in the sun and in tanning booths. I can remember being a bit reckless about wearing sunscreen, too. Witnessing this experience sent me directly to my dermatologist for a skin cancer screening for the first time. I can’t believe I’d never had that done before. I came out just fine, but I implore all you out there who think you are immortal, like I did, PLEASE go for a screening right away. It could save your life.” [Click here to read the whole post.]

Sherrie Hansen, author of Night and Day and the Maple Valley trilogy, explains why becoming a writer after the age fifty has it’s advantages in What Story Is Your Life Telling?

“I was recently approached about answering some questions for an article because I was an author who was over 50, a writer whose career as an author didn’t begin until I was past 50 years old.  The question’s implication resulted in a lot of things floating through my evidently half-addled, 55 year old brain: What does she think I am, older than dirt? That it’s a miracle I can still write, old as I am? Once I got over my indignation, however, I started to think about what it is really like being 55, and how life is different now than when I was 25, 35 or even 45.” [Click here to read the whole post.]

JJ Dare, author of False Positive and False World talks about expecting one thing and getting another in Southern Heat and Naked Books.

“ ‘Never judge a book by its cover’ takes on new meaning when you realize that the cover is more than the jacket. It’s everything. The promotion and hype, author appearances, and interviews are parts of the cover. While the overall “cover” of the book can increase its popularity, the true test comes once the naked story is laid bare.” [Click here to read the whole post.]

Posted in blogging, internet, life. Tags: , , , , , , . 8 Comments »

Help! I Need Blog Talk Radio Topics

April 10, 2012 — Pat Bertram

I’m scheduled to be interviewed on a blog radio show in a couple of weeks. I’m not sure how that happened because I never actually said I’d do it. Still, there it is. Or rather, there I will be. The problem is, they want me to send them a list of five things I would like to discuss about me and my work, and I don’t have anything in particular I’d like to say. (Seems strange, doesn’t it? It’s their show, so obviously they have some sort of agenda. I have no agenda, yet I have to supply the questions.)

So, I’m asking you: what topics should I send them? Is there anything about my books or writing you’d be interested in hearing about? Any noteworthy questions you were asked in an interview that you’d like to pass along? Any questions about books or writing that haven’t been asked ad nauseum? Anything?

Posted in blogging, internet, writing. Tags: , , . 10 Comments »
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