accepting less than perfection

My Mental Landscape

August 31, 2026 — Pat Bertram

“People will allow their faults to be shown them; they will let themselves be punished for them; they will patiently endure many things because of them; they only become impatient when they have to lay them aside.”— Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

“A man does not mind being blamed for his faults, and being punished for them, and he patiently suffers much for them; but he becomes impatient if he is required to give them up.” — Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

I’m not sure which of the above quotes is the real one — I’ve seen both quoted and can’t find a definitive source. I suppose the difference could be in the translation, but either way, they basically say the same thing — that people are okay with being shown their faults and being blamed for them; they only resist when they are asked to change.

Does this still hold true today? It seems as if nowadays, no one admits to any fault. If they are shown what might be considered a fault, they not only fight the allegation of “fault,” but also insist on holding tight to that particular behavior in the belief that they can act anyway they want and to heck with everyone else.

I get the impression that today people are taught that they are perfect the way they are, and to a certain extent, I do believe that’s true since each person is uniquely themselves and beyond compare. But the problem with that idea is that it doesn’t give people any reason to try to improve, because why should they if they are already perfect? And without any incentive to better themselves, they can fall into a depressive state, because part of them — the part that needed the affirmation — still believes they fall short. A terrible thing to believe — that you are perfect, that you are the way you are and will always be that way because the truth is, no one really is perfect, and to believe otherwise seems to bring with it a whole lot of hopelessness.

(To be perfect in the eyes of God, as many people believe, is completely different than being perfect in one’s own eyes and in the eyes of others. It’s possible to accept a God-given perfection while at the same time accepting one’s human limitations.)

If, on the other hand, a simple word was added to the affirmation, it would make more sense. You are perfect the way you are for now. That way, you can celebrate who you are while you are doing your best to improve yourself. Being kinder, perhaps. Not being as self-absorbed, for sure.

This is all hypothetical, of course, because when it comes to me, I am perfect. Um, that’s a joke. Sort of. I don’t deal with perfections. I deal with today, and always today arrives with the attempt to do better than yesterday. Exercise more or eat better food or be less judgmental or clean house or whatever. Just something that makes me a bit more than I was yesterday, and perhaps a bit less than I will be tomorrow. On the other hand, if someone pointed out my faults, I would bristle, bite my tongue and try to ignore them. (Both the person and the faults.) I’ve always been my own worst critic, and since I do periodically clean my mental house and take stock of my emotional responses, I am wounded by criticism when it is heaped on me by others.

So, am I agreeing with Goethe or refuting him? I don’t know. I’m just wandering through my mental landscape, seeing what I can see.

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Pat Bertram is the author of Grief: The Inside Story – A Guide to Surviving the Loss of a Loved One

Posted in being me, life. Tags: accepting less than perfection, being blamed for faults, being perfect, dealing with today, Goethe quote, no one is perfect, trying to do better. 4 Comments »

Leaving Well Enough Alone

June 20, 2020 — Pat Bertram

I’m one of those people who can’t leave well enough alone. In fact, until just now, writing “well enough,” I didn’t even understand what those words mean. Well, yes, of course I knew what they mean, but it’s such a common phrase that I’ve never actually stopped to contemplate the meaning in that particular construct.

“Well enough” is good enough for most projects, though I never aim for such a low expectation. Although I tend to aim for perfection, I am willing to settle for something a bit less. The problems come in deciding what that “less” is. If something offends my sense of balance or perspective, for example, I keep trying to even things out until . . . oops. I go too far in the other direction and have to scrap the whole project. For the most part, I’ve learned to do one attempt at fixing whatever it is that bothers me, and then let it go.

But I couldn’t let my bench project go (the design seemed wrong, somehow), and I didn’t want to ruin the bench, so I photoshopped the photo I posted of the bench to see if a fuller border would work. Then I printed the photo, and played around with different designs for the center, so that when I painted, I wasn’t winging it as I so often do.

I think it turned out well.

At least that inner critic is silent and if it ever raises its voice to me, I’ll ignore it. The silly thing is, that often what offends disappears into the background, and I never even notice it. For example, when I stuccoed over the dog door in the corner of the house, I thought I did a terrible job. So I stuccoed over the stucco patch and made matters worse. I did leave it alone (though sometimes I wonder if I should try again), and I hardly ever notice the patch. It’s just . . . there.

Well, soon the bench will be “just there” too, and it won’t matter that I spent so much time on redoing the design. It I’ll probably never actually see it again except in periphery. Or in case I purposely look at it.

Still, I’m glad that in this case I didn’t leave well enough alone. At least, I think I am.

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Pat Bertram is the author of Grief: The Inside Story – A Guide to Surviving the Loss of a Loved One. “Grief: The Inside Story is perfect and that is not hyperbole! It is exactly what folk who are grieving need to read.” –Leesa Healy, RN, GDAS GDAT, Emotional/Mental Health Therapist & Educator.