My Mental Landscape

August 31, 2026 — Pat Bertram

“People will allow their faults to be shown them; they will let themselves be punished for them; they will patiently endure many things because of them; they only become impatient when they have to lay them aside.”— Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

“A man does not mind being blamed for his faults, and being punished for them, and he patiently suffers much for them; but he becomes impatient if he is required to give them up.” — Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

I’m not sure which of the above quotes is the real one — I’ve seen both quoted and can’t find a definitive source. I suppose the difference could be in the translation, but either way, they basically say the same thing — that people are okay with being shown their faults and being blamed for them; they only resist when they are asked to change.

Does this still hold true today? It seems as if nowadays, no one admits to any fault. If they are shown what might be considered a fault, they not only fight the allegation of “fault,” but also insist on holding tight to that particular behavior in the belief that they can act anyway they want and to heck with everyone else.

I get the impression that today people are taught that they are perfect the way they are, and to a certain extent, I do believe that’s true since each person is uniquely themselves and beyond compare. But the problem with that idea is that it doesn’t give people any reason to try to improve, because why should they if they are already perfect? And without any incentive to better themselves, they can fall into a depressive state, because part of them — the part that needed the affirmation — still believes they fall short. A terrible thing to believe — that you are perfect, that you are the way you are and will always be that way because the truth is, no one really is perfect, and to believe otherwise seems to bring with it a whole lot of hopelessness.

(To be perfect in the eyes of God, as many people believe, is completely different than being perfect in one’s own eyes and in the eyes of others. It’s possible to accept a God-given perfection while at the same time accepting one’s human limitations.)

If, on the other hand, a simple word was added to the affirmation, it would make more sense. You are perfect the way you are for now. That way, you can celebrate who you are while you are doing your best to improve yourself. Being kinder, perhaps. Not being as self-absorbed, for sure.

This is all hypothetical, of course, because when it comes to me, I am perfect. Um, that’s a joke. Sort of. I don’t deal with perfections. I deal with today, and always today arrives with the attempt to do better than yesterday. Exercise more or eat better food or be less judgmental or clean house or whatever. Just something that makes me a bit more than I was yesterday, and perhaps a bit less than I will be tomorrow. On the other hand, if someone pointed out my faults, I would bristle, bite my tongue and try to ignore them. (Both the person and the faults.) I’ve always been my own worst critic, and since I do periodically clean my mental house and take stock of my emotional responses, I am wounded by criticism when it is heaped on me by others.

So, am I agreeing with Goethe or refuting him? I don’t know. I’m just wandering through my mental landscape, seeing what I can see.

 

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Pat Bertram is the author of Grief: The Inside Story – A Guide to Surviving the Loss of a Loved One

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Expunging Flaws

September 8, 2019 — Pat Bertram

There are many words and phrases I would like expunged from the English/American language, such as “veggies” (I don’t see what’s wrong with “vegetables”), intestinal fortitude (a meaningless phrase since all that is necessary is “fortitude”), executive decision (a phrase that is often misused in place “decision” when someone is talking about a simple personal decision rather than a decision made for a group or a decision with executive power).

My latest problem word is “flaws.” To be honest, there is nothing wrong with the word, just with the concept, especially when it comes to people. This is a word loved by writers who insist it’s necessary to write “flawed” characters for them to be believable, but I have always and will always disagree with this premise.

Tell me honestly, except for a few physical attributes that you might not like about yourself, do you think you have flaws? No, of course you don’t. You think you have problems. You laugh about your quirks. You are beset with internal conflicts. You might even have a list of traits that you try to work on, such as trying to be kinder or more disciplined, but you don’t have flaws. You are who you are. All the parts, good and bad (and who is to say which are which) make up your character.

And if you do think you have flaws, why do you think so? Aren’t you perfect in what you are — you? Who else can be you? Who else can you be?

To have flaws means to have imperfections that mars a person or thing. Why would any part of you be an imperfection? Why would you allow anyone, even yourself to think you are intrinsically imperfect?

You might have things you dislike about yourself. Other people might see things they dislike about you. But why are these flaws? These traits are the very fabric of your being.

Who gets to define perfect? Imperfection? Flaw? And why would we give anyone the power to define such terms?

We are who we are.

Often, we try to “improve” ourselves with diet, exercise, different thoughts, different activities, but these are all just gild on our already perfect selves.

I might not have paid attention to the latest batch of “flaw” words, might have continued to keep my irk to myself, but I recently read an article that attempted to list all the flaws in a certain person in the public eye, and oddly, the article had a completely different impact on me than it should have. All those “flaws” combined to make an incredibly unique human, someone perfect in and of themselves. Hated, of course. Loved, to be sure. Scorned. Admired. Vastly rich according to some people. Bankrupt according to others.

But, oh such a perfect individual.

As are we all.

When we look at a scene, at a flower, a field, we don’t see “flaws,” we don’t even notice imperfections because any supposed imperfection is lost in the whole. And, as with humans, who is to say what those imperfections might be? A flower is perfect in its perfection. A bucolic scene is perfect in and of itself.

Are we less than the fields? The flowers?

Nope.

To think of ourselves as flawed seems to put us above whoever or whatever happened to create us. It’s as phony an idea as the Persian rug makers who purposely put a flaw into each of their rugs supposedly because of their belief that only God can make something perfect. That speaks to me of arrogance, to believe you are so absolutely perfect you have to create a flaw to make yourself less than perfect.

Billions of years ago, the universe was born. Through untold eons it learned how to fashion various life forms, and finally, it formed a semblance of a human being. A million years later, our present species came into being, and many thousands of years after that, I was born. You were born. Each of us is the culmination of an untold number of twists and turns in creation. How can the end result not be perfect?

So, change the thing you don’t like about yourself, but don’t believe that thing is a flaw. It is not.

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Pat Bertram is the author of Grief: The Inside Story – A Guide to Surviving the Loss of a Loved One. “Grief: The Inside Story is perfect and that is not hyperbole! It is exactly what folk who are grieving need to read.” –Leesa Healy, RN, GDAS GDAT, Emotional/Mental Health Therapist & Educator.

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