Look What I Found!

I was walking around my yard today, enjoying a bit of sunshine, and look what I found!

Such a glorious ending to a few not-so-pleasant days. Oh, I’m fine, there’s nothing really wrong, I’ve just had to deal with changing my primary email address as well as wherever I used that email for online sites. This change wasn’t by choice and I’m not happy about it, but it was necessary.

A few years ago, the free email that was provided by my website domain provider was changed to a paid Outlook account. I was so daunted by the idea of making the change, that when I got a good deal on Outlook, I went ahead and paid ahead for several years. (Money that is now wasted.) I’ve gradually been changing over as I open new accounts or lose friends or whatever, but last week Microsoft informed me I would have to download an authenticator to my phone so I can continue using the email account. The bizarre thing is that this particular email was never able to be downloaded to my phone, and the authenticator doesn’t work for PCs, so they were demanding something utterly unnecessary. I was supposed to have two weeks until the authenticator was mandatory, but since I knew how discouraging the whole process would be, I started immediately to do the work. Good thing. Instead of having two weeks, I ended up with a single week. Luckily, I think I got everything, and if I didn’t, I will just have to presume it’s not important.

Along the way, as I had to update accounts, I ended up deleting one or two. Pinterest, for example. I never did understand that site, and when I tried to update the email address, they wouldn’t do it unless I provided a date of birth. I gave a fake one, of course, then when I was finally able to access the site, I deleted the whole thing.

At least, that was easy. Worse, I found two places for my online banking where I needed to change the address but alerts still went to my old address. I had to call to the bank to get them find the third place. Both the gas company and the internet company had those same issues. One important account had nowhere to change the address, so another call. And then, of course, there were all those places where I used a different email address but used my primary one for backup.

With any luck, I made all the changes, but oh! What a mess!

Then, considering that Microsoft was the company that put me in this situation, I decided I needed to back up all my pictures and documents elsewhere in case they do the same thing with that email. I had used OneDrive to back up my previous computer just because it was an easy way to move them to my new computer. (Which, come to think of it, is now elderly in computer years.) And then, because I was in a snippy mood, I ended up deleting photos and documents I haven’t looked at in years. (Snippy meaning not happy, snippy meaning feeling like snipping things away.)

So, finding those sunny crocus faces beaming at me this morning sure made my day brighter.

***

Pat Bertram is the author of Grief: The Inside Story – A Guide to Surviving the Loss of a Loved One.

When You’ve Seen One Shopping Center . . . You’ve Seen a Mall.

I went to a mall today to do an errand for someone. This was only the second time I’ve been in a mall in over ten years, and I walked around in amazement. What did anyone want with any of that . . . stuff? What did they do with it? Why would they even want it?  I saw tons of things (several tons, actually) but not one item caught my eye.  That’s not true. Two things caught my eye — a mannequin in a store window with a huge Christmas bow in place of her head and a sign outside another store that said: The entire store is buy one get one free. Such a great sale — if I had the money to buy one store, I’d get a second absolutely free!! Did that include the merchandise,  or just the name and empty shelves? Alas, I could find no answer to my query, only blank stares

The title of this blog post came from an email that’s going around, and if you are another lexiphile (lover of words) like me, you will get a kick out of my punting this list around. (Did you catch my cleverness? Two word plays in one!! Kick and punt, and pun-ting because most of these are puns.) I can already hear your groans, either because you’ve seen these before, or because you haven’t.

Lexiphile’s list:

You can tune a piano, but you can’t . . .  tuna fish.

A dentist and a manicurist married. . . . They fought tooth and nail.

To write with a broken pencil is . . . Pointless.

When fish are in schools they sometimes . . . Take debate.

A thief who stole a calendar . . . Got twelve months.

The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes . . . Was on shaky ground.

The batteries were given out . . . Free of charge.

A will is a . . . Dead giveaway.

If you don’t pay your exorcist . . . You can get repossessed.

With her marriage, she got a new name . .. . And a dress.

Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I’ll show you . .. . A-flat miner.

You are stuck with your debt if . . . You can’t budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia : . . . The LAN down under.

A boiled egg is . . . Hard to beat.

When you’ve seen one shopping center . . . You’ve seen a mall.

Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was . . .. Resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? . . . He’s all right now.

If you take a laptop computer for a run you could . . . Jog your memory.

A bicycle can’t stand alone; . . .. It is two tired.

In a democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism, . . . it’s your Count that votes.

When a clock is hungry . . .. It goes back four seconds.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine . . . Was fully recovered.

He had a photographic memory . . . Which was never developed.

Those who get too big for their britches will be . . . Exposed in the end.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair, . . . She thought she’d dye.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger . . . . Then it hit me.

Proving I Am Human

My email provider has apparently decided I am not human. Every time I try to send an email, it posts strangely twisted letters for me to identify to prove that I am not a machine. Since I have a hard time seeing some of the twists and turns, occasionally this email provider kicks me off its site for not being human.

Does anyone else see the irony of trying to prove to a computer that I am other than it? And losing?

Perhaps the computer should be trying to prove to me that it exists. Or at least that it knows what it’s doing. My email provider says there has been too much spam being sent from my IP address, which is why they need this proof of humanity (as if humans never send junk email) but the IP address they say is mine, the email address all that spam is originating from is in Kansas City. Huh? What does that have to do with me? I am more than a thousand miles away from Kansas, though maybe I fell down a rabbit hole without being aware of it? No, wait . . . rabbit holes have to do with Wonderland, not Kansas. Must be all this email jabberwocky that’s confusing me. Or perhaps to a computer — which I may or may not be — Wonderland and Oz are the same place.

I do understand the rationale behind the captchas — spam is getting way out of control. In the last few weeks, three people I know had their email accounts hacked, and two lost the accounts and everything in them. At least a dozen Facebook friends had their profiles hacked in the past couple of days and naked photos were posted through their accounts (photos that have over five hundred thousand likes, I might add — apparently I’m going about social networking all wrong. I’m lucky to get five likes per post).

And on top of all this, every few minute a png file tries to open itself on my computer, files with bizarre names such as jkjsylddw.png or qwxxcvjks.png. Perhaps a computer or two has decided I’m one of them and they are coming on to me?

Ah, well, I’ll just have to continue traveling the twisted path of trying to prove I am human. But I still think it’s bizarre I have to continually prove it. I mean, whatever happened to “I think, therefore I am”? Shouldn’t that be proof enough?