Don’t Get in a Lather

I got an email from my brother yesterday with “My Pride and Joy” in the subject line. I wondered if perhaps he finally got the dog he wanted, or even a new car, but this is what he sent:

He sent the same photo to a friend in London, and his friend paid him back with this photo of Bolt near the finish:

A fab idea dawned on me — I could play the game, too, and send him a photo to pledge good cheer. The thrill wasn’t there, though, and it would gain me nothing at all. The idea didn’t seem bold enough or have the right tone, and anyway, it might cause a cascade of suds as a payback. Still, someday or some era I might. Perhaps when the tide comes in.

When You’ve Seen One Shopping Center . . . You’ve Seen a Mall.

I went to a mall today to do an errand for someone. This was only the second time I’ve been in a mall in over ten years, and I walked around in amazement. What did anyone want with any of that . . . stuff? What did they do with it? Why would they even want it?  I saw tons of things (several tons, actually) but not one item caught my eye.  That’s not true. Two things caught my eye — a mannequin in a store window with a huge Christmas bow in place of her head and a sign outside another store that said: The entire store is buy one get one free. Such a great sale — if I had the money to buy one store, I’d get a second absolutely free!! Did that include the merchandise,  or just the name and empty shelves? Alas, I could find no answer to my query, only blank stares

The title of this blog post came from an email that’s going around, and if you are another lexiphile (lover of words) like me, you will get a kick out of my punting this list around. (Did you catch my cleverness? Two word plays in one!! Kick and punt, and pun-ting because most of these are puns.) I can already hear your groans, either because you’ve seen these before, or because you haven’t.

Lexiphile’s list:

You can tune a piano, but you can’t . . .  tuna fish.

A dentist and a manicurist married. . . . They fought tooth and nail.

To write with a broken pencil is . . . Pointless.

When fish are in schools they sometimes . . . Take debate.

A thief who stole a calendar . . . Got twelve months.

The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes . . . Was on shaky ground.

The batteries were given out . . . Free of charge.

A will is a . . . Dead giveaway.

If you don’t pay your exorcist . . . You can get repossessed.

With her marriage, she got a new name . .. . And a dress.

Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I’ll show you . .. . A-flat miner.

You are stuck with your debt if . . . You can’t budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia : . . . The LAN down under.

A boiled egg is . . . Hard to beat.

When you’ve seen one shopping center . . . You’ve seen a mall.

Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was . . .. Resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? . . . He’s all right now.

If you take a laptop computer for a run you could . . . Jog your memory.

A bicycle can’t stand alone; . . .. It is two tired.

In a democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism, . . . it’s your Count that votes.

When a clock is hungry . . .. It goes back four seconds.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine . . . Was fully recovered.

He had a photographic memory . . . Which was never developed.

Those who get too big for their britches will be . . . Exposed in the end.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair, . . . She thought she’d dye.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger . . . . Then it hit me.

Judi Fennell — Going with the Flow

I have an exciting day ahead of me today. I am a guest on Judi Fennell’s blog talking about mermaids and mountains, and Judi is here talking about mermen and humor. Judi is the author of  In Over Her Head, the newly-landed Wild Blue Under, and the soon-to-be-netted Catch of a Lifetime. As you will see in the following article, Judi writes fairy tales with a twist:

Thanks, Pat, for having me here today. 

As some of you may know, I write a paranormal romance series about Mermen. Yes, Mermen. I figured if there were mermaids in stories, there had to be Mermen, right? Otherwise how would you get more little mermaids… 

I didn’t really start out to write a series about Mermen, though. That’s the funny part. I was writing a series about modern twists on fairy tales: Cinda Bella, Beauty and The Best, and Fairest of Them All. For my story, I chose The Little Mermaid, and figured the best way to twist that was to make him the Mer. So I did, made the Human a female, stuck her under the sea, tossed in some stolen diamonds (literally tossed them into the sea), added a sucker-less remora fish named Chum, a mafioso-type great white named Vincent, the mother of all sea monsters (Ceto from Greek mythology), stirred in some other mythologies, a couple of pop cultural references, manipulated our language to be sea-appropriate, and voila, In Over Her Head was born, the title a play on so many things having to do with the story I don’t think I can remember all of them. 

I had such a blast writing this story and laughed to myself the whole time. 

The funny thing is, I hadn’t exactly been planning to write humor. It wasn’t until Chum showed up and opened his mouth, that I realized this could be a comedy. And once I made that realization, I figured, what the heck. Whatever pun or silly comment I came up with… in it went. That’s when the story started flowing. (And, yes, pun totally intended.) 

Actually, there are a lot of puns in the story. On purpose. I mean, you can’t write a sea-themed story with a whole civilization and not play with the language. That’s it in a nut shell becomes That’s it in a conch shell. I think you might want to sit down becomes I think you might want to rest on the bottom, Son-of-a-bitch! becomes Son-of-a-Mer! and so on. There’s a line about Johnny Depp in there that got me my agent and readers have told me I hooked them (see? they just keep coming!) with the heroes’ names in the first two books – they’re twin brothers, one is the Heir to the throne, the other is The Spare, and their names are Rod and Reel. Yes, you are supposed to role your eyes, and go with the flow. Not quite campy, but the stories don’t take themselves too seriously. 

 Now, I’ve always had a wacky sense of humor that either gets some chuckles or some eye-rolling. Never would I have said that I’d be writing romantic comedy. I still scratch my head at that. Me? Funny? Hmmm… But, for whatever reason, it’s working for me, so you can bet I’ll keep swimming with it. Or, actually, in my next series about genies, I’ll keep flying with it. (Ah, to have a real magic carpet…) 

So here’s some of the fun from Judi’s latest release: Wild Blue Under excerpt.

And if that’s not enough excitement, I’m Reading at the Beach with Vicki Newell. (We have a theme going here! Vicki even provides the proper sound effects.) So please stop by and say hi: We Are Story

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