Run, Run, Run Away

It’s a good thing I’m already planning a trip in May because I just want to run, run, run away. Originally, I wasn’t going to leave until the beginning of May with a possibility of not coming back, at least not until the end of summer, but I made a sort of promise to try to be back after Memorial Day, so now I’ve moved my departure date to late April to make sure I can do most of what I’d planned. The way I feel today, though I might move the date even closer.

I am tired of drama, other people’s negativity, and my reaction to both. I wish I could just let drama and negativity run down my back, but as an empath, I feel the energy. The problem is, if I run away from the bad energy, then I also run away from the good. Today at Hawaiian class, there was no drama; everyone quietly went about the business of practicing our dances. We were all moving as one, which is the way it is supposed to be, and I could feel the positive energy, could almost feel the strings connecting our arms as we raised them in unison, could almost see the aura of our single entity-ness. That is such a special joy.

And I would run away from friendship, which is much more valuable to me than my struggles to deal with those who enervate me.

People always say that if you run away, you take you with you, but in my case, that is not a problem. I do fine by myself. What I would carry with me, however, is my ever-worsening financial situation, which is something I will eventually have to face.

But not today.

Today I’m dreaming of life on the run. Or rather, life on the saunter. As much as that appeals to me, if I run away now, I also run away from the opportunity to continue conditioning myself to the backpack.

And I’d run away from the opportunity to learn more. I’ve been reading about the various troubles some people have with the trail community. Though most people seem to be supportive, there are a few elitists who think the thru hikers are the only ones who belong on the trail, a few who see the whole thing as an athletic endeavor, a few who are too insensitive to make allowances for those who are different. I doubt any of these folks would be a problem for me — I probably wouldn’t see them longer that it takes to say hello. My only worry would be that one of these folks would inadvertently push me over the edge of a mountain as they scurried by me.

I keep thinking the trail is not far from here, so just run away for a short backpacking trip and see what happens. But then I’d lose the benefit of having someone help me plan my first backpacking trip and to be standing by in case I run into problems I cannot handle.

Can you tell I’m psyching myself to continue the status quo for a bit longer?

So, I’ll stay for now.

Or go.

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Pat Bertram is the author of the suspense novels UnfinishedMadame ZeeZee’s Nightmare, Light BringerMore Deaths Than OneA Spark of Heavenly Fireand Daughter Am IBertram is also the author of Grief: The Great Yearning, “an exquisite book, wrenching to read, and at the same time full of profound truths.” Connect with Pat on Google+. Like Pat on Facebook.