culture | Bertram's Blog

Oh, My! The Pressure!

October 31, 2020 — Pat Bertram

Oh, the pressure!

It’s not just that today is Halloween, because no one comes to the door anyway. The next street over is where the activity is.

It’s not just that I had three big trees to plant, because I had help planting them.

It’s not just that this is the last Saturday before the election that might change our lives forever, because at this point, there’s nothing I can do about it.

It’s not just that daylight savings is ending with all the problems the time change brings because, well . . . there’s nothing I can do about that either. I could of course not change the clocks as I did (didn’t do?) one year when I was young and just deal with the wrong clocks, but since some clocks change themselves nowadays while others don’t, dealing with two different times is more confusion than I need.

It’s not just that today is another warm day in a string of warm days after the big freeze — that’s not where the pressure comes in; it’s that I had to drag out my hoses again as if we were heading toward spring rather than winter.

And oh, yeah, speaking of winter — it’s not just that winter is around the corner.

It’s that tomorrow begins a new month and I have to pick a tarot deck to use for the month. (I pick one card every day to see what it can tell me, though usually what it tells me is that it has nothing to do me with.)

Oh, my! The pressure! It’s not the same for normal people who have but one deck (or not decks at all). I have dozens of them! I suppose I could continue using the deck I’ve been using, though that one doesn’t really speak to me. Actually, none of the decks I’ve used so far seem to strike a chord, so I’ll have to keep trying out the various decks. I figure a month gives each deck a good tryout, and so here I am, back at the beginning of all this roundaboutation with me needing to pick a new tarot deck for November. I guess I’ll just close my eyes and grab one. And voila! That lessens the pressure.

(Out of curiosity, I looked up roundaboutation because MSWord says it’s not a word, and to be honest, I thought I was making it up, but it is actually a word that has been in use since the 1800s. Who knew?)

I hope your day is a lot less pressurized than mine. I’d say Happy Halloween, but I don’t know if saying that is acceptable any more or if it’s been changed to something more specific for those who subscribe to identity politics or something less specific for those who are too sensitive to deal with other people’s business. I sure as heck don’t need that kind of pressure, so I’ll just say, “Have a Happy ___” and let you fill in the blank.

***

Bob, The Right Hand of God is now published! Click here to order the print version of Bob, The Right Hand of God. Or you can buy the Kindle version by clicking here: Kindle version of Bob, The Right Hand of God.

What if God decided to re-create the world and turn it into a galactic theme park for galactic tourists? What then?

Posted in culture, life, tarot. Tags: choosing a tarot deck, end of daylight savings time, last Saturday before election, learning the tarot, planting trees, roundaboutation, turning clocks back. 2 Comments »

Interpreting the Tarot

October 29, 2020 — Pat Bertram

Today’s tarot card was the most confusing card I ever picked. The only consensus among the various interpretations I found was that it’s a card pertaining to work or money in some way.

One interpretation said it means making money by working for the law or outside the law. The same source said it means illegal money doomed to be squandered. Also, losing a seemingly secure asset or other financial troubles as well as the worry and suffering stemming from those troubles.

Ouch. So not a good omen!

And yet other interpretations are almost diametrically opposed to the first one, such as the card signifying hard work, tasks to be accomplished, saving money rather than squandering one’s earnings. Also, the rewards of honest labor as well as prudence, industriousness, patience, perseverance, diplomacy.

Still other interpretations talk of apprenticeship and mastery, such as learning the tarot. Working hard to improve one’s skills. Sheer determination and concentration to master those skills. It also offers assurance that the energy invested in one’s development will be worth one’s while.

Since I’m still not sure there is any value to my tarot studies, that interpretation seemed specifically geared toward me, as did the final one, which suggested that it’s time for me to work at improving my health and to stay vigilant about diet and exercise.

Although I am sticking to my diet — no sweets of any kind, no fried foods, no baked goods — I have been getting lax about exercise. I find myself not wanting to walk because I’m intimidated by the cold, of all things. That doesn’t portend well for me since we haven’t even hit really cold weather yet. Luckily, I have warm coats and other cold weather gear like hats, ear coverings, gloves, but eek. I am not ready for winter.

As for the interpretations of this particular card that seemingly have nothing to do with me — it shows that the cards are truly open to interpretation. They can mean whatever anyone says they mean within certain parameters. Will that make learning the cards any easier? I don’t know. So far, I’m still taking the cards one day at a time.

Actually, I’m taking everything one day at a time, or at least I’m working on it.

***

What if God decided to re-create the world and turn it into a galactic theme park for galactic tourists? What then?

Posted in culture, life, tarot. Tags: apprenticeship and mastery, eight of pentacles, intimidated by winter, lax about exercise, sticking to my diet, studying the tarot, tarot is open to interpretation. 3 Comments »

Without Sense or Sensibility

October 24, 2020 — Pat Bertram

Yesterday I wrote about how the country is ever more divided, and I used an example of how the move to a national popular vote will make rural areas subject to the whims of the major cities, even though those folks know nothing about the problems of rural areas. I responded to a comment left on the blog with, “those people seem to want to control everything without sense or sensibility.” And then it dawned on me — they really do want to control everything.

I thought the move to a popular vote rather than the electoral college was about the big city liberals controlling who would be president for the foreseeable — and unforeseeable — future, but it could also be about setting up a de facto government outside of the White House. Without the electoral college (or with the electoral college if the states all decide to push their electoral votes to whoever wins the popular vote as the Colorado liberals have voted to do) there would be a second national powerbase. If by any chance the liberals didn’t secure the government through votes, they could fight it with the power of the states themselves.

It seems as if this would put the “total” in totalitarianism. I don’t know if it could ever happen, but a lot of things are going on that I never thought could happen, so who knows.

It’s kind of funny, although I tend to be a centrist, able to see all sides — the best and the worst they have to offer — this current political climate is so skewed that it rocks me out of that centrism. Too many easily disproved lies have become hardened facts in many voter’s eyes, and I end up defending candidates to whom I normally wouldn’t give a single thought. (I don’t care who votes for whom, but when someone cites one of these “facts” to me as the reason not to vote for a particular person, the injustice and stupidity of it gets my dander up.)

I truly hope I can get back to my old cynical view of the world, thinking it doesn’t matter who runs what — one lying crook or corrupt politician, seemingly without sense or sensibility, is the same as another. I do know that regardless of what I think or who is elected to office, the leftists will continue their encroachment on the schools. That is where the true power lies — in the unformed minds and hearts of the young because they are the future.

Yeah, cynical for sure, but there is comfort — and perhaps even a measure of peace — in cynicism.

***

What if God decided to re-create the world and turn it into a galactic theme park for galactic tourists? Considering the mess we’ve gotten ourselves into, it might be an improvement. Or not.

Click here to order the print version of Bob, The Right Hand of God.
Click here to purchase the Kindle version of Bob, The Right Hand of God.

Posted in culture, life. Tags: big cities vs rural areas, centrism, Cynicism, finding peace in cynicism, national popular vote, popular vote vs electoral college. 6 Comments »

The Great Divide

October 23, 2020 — Pat Bertram

More and more, the United States seems to becoming un-united, polarized by democrats vs. republicans, liberals vs. conservatives, socialists vs. capitalists, big government vs. less government, rich vs. poor, equity vs. equality, the powerful vs. the powerless, those who want to uphold the constitution vs. those who want to make it more flexible, as well as the divisions caused by the various gender and melanin issues.

More important to me since I live in a small, isolated community, is the ever-growing divide between big cities and rural areas. One issue that concerns rural folks all around the country is the push toward a popular vote. If this were enacted, not only would policies that affect rural areas be decided by major cities within the state, they’d more probably be decided in New York City and Los Angeles, with perhaps Chicago and Houston chiming in, since those are the four largest cities in the USA. The Colorado Legislature has already passed a measure that all our electoral votes would go not to the candidate the people in Colorado voted for, but to whoever won the popular vote nationally. The only reason this is not now law is that it has to be voted on by the people. If it’s passed, it would lock rural areas out of the voting process completely because their vote simply would not count.

Which brings us to another divide within the state. Colorado used to be republican, but because of the vast numbers of people moving to Denver from California and New York as well as Texas, Denver — the capitol — is now democrat while the rest of the state is republican. It doesn’t sound like it would be that much of an issue, unless you live in a county far removed from Denver and its power-hungry politicians.

The latest mess we locals been handed is that some woman legislator in Denver decided that private prisons have to go for some murky reason I’ve never been able to discover. As far as I can tell, there are only two such prisons besides one in a major city: one in this county and one in a nearby county. Both counties have about the same population — approximately 5,000 people spread out over 1,541 square miles. With agriculture pretty much dead around here, there is basically only one business that employs more than a few people and pays them well— the prison.

Because of that one crotchety woman’s campaign against these prisons, the county stands to lose millions in annual payroll, almost a million in goods and services such as utilities, and more than a million in property taxes. Those property taxes help pay for fire control, ambulance, schools, library, the senior center and various other services this town needs. Without the prison, the people who live here — already an impoverished lot, with only prison workers and a few others making a decent living — will have to pick up the slack, with higher property taxes (as well as lower property values), higher utilities, and probably a whole slew of other problems that will stem from these major issues.

The county commissioners, of course, are working to keep this prison open, but it’s a hard slog when no one in power in Denver has any clue as to what is going on in the far reaches of the state.

We’re already isolated by distance and politics and economic standards (I’m sure you figured that out since I was actually able to buy a house here when there is no way I’d ever even be able to afford to rent a room in a ramshackle house in a place like Denver). I can’t imagine what would happen to this town if Denver has its way. If they decided to keep the prison and turn it into a state-run facility, it wouldn’t solve the problem — jobs would be lost, pay would not be as great, and the property taxes would still be lost since government installations don’t have to pay taxes.

Normally, I wouldn’t write about such a local issue (or maybe I would, what do I know?) but this particular conflict seems to mirror what is happening all over the country — an ideologic divide that is so great and polarized that there seems to be no way to bridge the gap.

It used to be that we in the USA all wanted the same thing — equality, prosperity, freedom — or at least most of us did. The party lines were drawn by the difference in how people wanted to go about achieving those ends.

Now the division is created not in trying to come together to achieve the same end, but in trying to achieve completely different ends, which is exactly what is going on here.

Whatever happens, either locally or nationally, I don’t see a long-range solution. Even if the local folks can save the prison and hence the town, the greater problem — the growing polarization in the country will remain.

***

What if God decided to re-create the world and turn it into a galactic theme park for galactic tourists? Considering the mess we’ve gotten ourselves into, it might be an improvement. Or not.

Click here to order the print version of Bob, The Right Hand of God.
Click here to purchase the Kindle version of Bob, The Right Hand of God.

Posted in culture, life. Tags: big cities vs rural areas, democrat vs republican, different national goals between parties, getting rid of private prisons, liberals vs conservatives, national popular vote, socialists vs capitalists, the powerful vs the powerless. 8 Comments »

The Beaming Light

October 19, 2020 — Pat Bertram

Today’s tarot card pick was the sun, or as this particular deck calls it, “The Beaming Light.” That’s the only sun I get today since the real beaming light is hidden behind clouds, a rarity in these parts. Still, the sun card is sufficient since it speaks of glory, gain, riches, success, creativity, and happiness.

I like the coincidence of the sun being the nineteenth card of the major arcana and this is the nineteenth day of the month. I’m not reading anything into that coincidence because I don’t think such a fluke has happened before, so there doesn’t seem to be any meaning to such a concurrence — it’s simply time for the numbers to coincide.

There is another interesting coincidence, however, that I would like to read something into (assuming there is any truth to the tarot). I did an online reading at a tarot site today, and the final card (the likely outcome) was the sun, too.

Which means to me that the significance of the sun is doubly correct! The sun certainly is bringing brightness to my day. Although tomorrow is the official publication day, my newest book, Bob, The Right Hand of God is available for sale on Amazon right now, a day early.

Such a pleasant surprise!

You can buy the print book today and have it delivered to you in about a week. Click here to order: Bob, The Right Hand of God. Or you can buy the Kindle version today and it will appear on your Kindle tomorrow. Click here to purchase: Kindle version of Bob, The Right Hand of God.

So yes! This is definitely a day of beaming light and happiness and all the good things I could wish for myself. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that the rest of the “sun” comes true too — the glory, gain, and riches that will come from people discovering, reading, loving Bob, The Right Hand of God.

Posted in books, culture, life. Tags: believing in coincidences, Bob The Right Hand of God, humorous science fiction, new book published, Pre-order kindle book on Amazon, the beaming light tarot card, the sun tarot card. 1 Comment »

Interesting Times

October 17, 2020 — Pat Bertram

There is no citation, before 1936, for the Chinese curse, “May you live in interesting times.” It was one of the Chamberlains — Austen — who apparently first used the quote, and all he said was that an unnamed member of the foreign service had told him about it. People who have looked for the origin of the sentiment say the Chinese have never heard the curse, or at least the ones who were queried hadn’t heard of it.

Whatever the origin, it certainly does seem to be a curse to live in interesting times, as those of us who have so far lived through the “interesting” year of 2020 can attest.

John Zimirak wrote: “What if in October 2019, I’d told you that a Chinese virus would cripple our economy, close our churches, and strip us of the right of free assembly — except for violent, destructive, anti-police riots? That it would give Democrat governors virtual dictatorial powers, which they’d ruthlessly exploit, weaponizing public panic? Making a mockery of public health by dumping virus patients in nursing homes, while locking down churches? And that the Democrats would nominate one of the weakest candidates in their field, but exploit the effects of the Chinese virus to pull ahead in the presidential race? You’d have waved me off as a crackpot. But that’s exactly what has happened.”

Not everyone will agree with his analysis and his conclusions, but everyone will agree with some of it because here we are. Living in an interesting time.

Even more than living in an “interesting” time, we are living in an historical time. This year has been pivotal, and whatever happens after the election, no matter who wins, will also be pivotal to the USA. Some of the items on the platforms for the next four years may end up as permanent fixtures, unable to be undone. Even if people ever realize the truth of how we have changed, perhaps not for the better, there might not be any going back (or forward) to a more centrist position.

Trump has been called the unobama, since he and his supporters are trying to roll back some of the policies they found unacceptable to the security of our nation. But what happens in the future when there is no more undoing of policies, policies that will punish either the silent conservative or the vocal liberal? It seems probable that one of those groups will be punished with policies they cannot live with because of how polarized we now are. What frightens me and so many other thinkers and overthinkers is that there seems to be no way to work our way back to a center where most people may be at least a bit satisfied with the future of our country. And satisfied with the present, of course, since it’s the present that will determine the future.

Interesting times, for sure.

This is also a time more than any other where the truth is hard to find. It used to be I could read a plethora of articles on all sides of an issue, and wherever they intersected, there the truth could be found. It’s not that easy any more. It’s still a matter of reading a plethora of articles, but now it’s also necessary to try to trace the premises of the articles back to the origin. And that takes work.

I used to think truth was all important. Actually, I still think that. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I thought everyone accepted the importance of truth. Of facts.

But then opinion became more powerful that fact. Not everyone can or will do the work to find the truth because it takes work to find the facts. But everyone can have an opinion regardless of the facts.

Now, reaction seems to be more powerful than opinion. Someone says or does something and long before the facts are known, even before the opinions start being bandied about, people react.

I’m not sure there is a resolution to this situation. After watching Judge Judy with the woman I take care of a few hours a week, and after seeing all the irrational people coming before the judge, I’m convinced there never will be an answer.

I hope I’m wrong. But either way . . . interesting times.

***

We’re getting closer to the October 20th publication date every day!

If you are planning to get a Kindle version of my new novel, Bob, The Right Hand of God, you can now pre-order on Amazon, and the minute the book is published, the book will appear in your Kindle. Click here to purchase: Kindle version of Bob, The Right Hand of God.

If you wish to buy a paperback copy, click here: Bob, The Right Hand of God, sign up for email notifications, and Amazon will let you know the minute it is for sale.

I truly hope this book will amuse you, entertain you, make you think and perhaps even dream a bit about what it would be like if God decided to recreate the world. Now those would be interesting times!

Posted in culture, life. Tags: Bob The Right Hand of God, humorous science fiction, living in an historical time, opinion more powerful than fact, Pre-order kindle book on Amazon, sign up for email notification on Amazon, trying to find the truth. 2 Comments »

Back to Normal

October 15, 2020 — Pat Bertram

Despite one odd reminder of The Bob, my life seems as if it’s back to normal, or as normal as it gets since Jeff died. Now that the library is open again, I’ve been going at least once a week to say hi and check out an armload of books. I’ve made a couple of forays to the historical museum, once to be briefed on a project I’m going to do for them (listening to living history recordings and then turning them into short presentations for various exhibits) and once for an Art Guild meeting. The meeting was fun — it’s been months since I was able to attend a meeting. At first, they stopped the meetings because we couldn’t plan and prepare for any guild projects, then when the meetings began again, I was working.

Everyone was there when I arrived, and when they excitedly said hello, I brandished my very elegant hat and swept a flourishing bow. Someone mentioned that it seemed as if I were a star. Of course, I agreed.

I’ve also met a new resident (an artist/musician from Austin), heard about an artist from New York who moved here to open a studio, and learned that as of now, there are no houses for sale.

Big, big changes for such a tiny town! Apparently, I slipped into the door of affordable houses before it could slam shut behind me, Or, it could be that the door had been closing all along, and it waited for me to come before it latched itself.

Next week, with any luck, my contractor will come and continue working on my various projects. He’d planned to come on Tuesday, but the gas company had the alley closed off and dug up to install new lines.

Despite all this seeming activity, I mostly spend time by myself, read, skim articles on the internet, play games on my computer, walk when the weather and I agree on suitability. And do my daily tarot card study.

Today’s card, the same one I got a couple of weeks ago, warned me about the folly of worrying about things I cannot change, and to salvage what peace I can from the chaos around me. Good advice and so needed. Although I normal don’t pay a lot of attention to politics, I’ve been worrying about the changes this next election will bring no matter who is elected, and yet, from the most recent spates of free speech suppression, I realize the changes are already here, incubating in the schools and the unformed minds of the young. If the legacy press as well as sites such as Twitter and Facebook can suppress the truth about one candidate’s son’s graft and the lies that were told about the candidate selling us out to China, if kids can be expelled from school for sharing conservative points of view (non-incendiary points of view, I might add), if dictionaries can change their definitions overnight to turn a common phrase into one that is verboten, then we’re lost. And if we’re lost, then there’s nothing I can do about it except make sure I remain found.

What’s that Rudyard Kipling poem? Something about keeping my head when all about me are losing theirs and being lied [to] but not deal in lies . . . Well, then, there would be one person in the world who is not a problem.

So, normalcy. My sort of normalcy.

As for the odd reminder of The Bob — I am working for a woman who has a nurse who works for a woman who belongs to an agency where an employee tested positive for The Bob. Not close at all, really, but too close for complacency.

Hmm. I might have to stop calling the Chinese virus “The Bob.” I wouldn’t want people to think my new book Bob, The Right Hand of God has anything to do with The Bob flu.

And yay! We’re getting closer to the October 20th publication date every day.

If you are planning to get a Kindle version of my new novel, Bob, The Right Hand of God you can now pre-order on Amazon, and the minute the book is published, the book will appear in your Kindle. Click here to purchase: Kindle version of Bob, The Right Hand of God.

If you wish to buy a paperback copy, click here: Bob, The Right Hand of God, sign up for email notifications, and Amazon will let you know the minute it is for sale.

I truly hope this book will amuse you, entertain you, make you think and perhaps even dream a bit about what it would be like if God decided to recreate the world. I especially hope the book sells big. Admittedly, that would catapult me out of my recent return to normalcy, but that’s the sort of change I could go for.

Posted in culture, life. Tags: Bob The Right Hand of God, dictionaries changing definitions overnight, Pre-order kindle book on Amazon, sign up for email notification on Amazon, suppression of free speech, tarot card, What if God decided to recreate the world, worried about the election. Leave a Comment »

Freedom Vs. Security

October 13, 2020 — Pat Bertram

I spent much of the morning researching identity politics because it’s the hot issue of our time (one of them anyway), and I figured I should know what it is. From what I can figure out, after distilling what truth I could find in the midst of all the rhetoric is that some people believe each special group deserves special consideration. Each group, that is, besides white Christians and white males. Those two are fair game. Otherwise, the issue is about equity, not equality. Equality is about treating everyone the same regardless of their group identity. Equity is about treating everyone unequally, depending on that identity. A simplistic definition, I know, but that seems to be the basis of identity politics in a nutshell.

To many people, equality is the way to achieve . . . well, equality. All people are equal regardless of race, color, creed, gender, whatever. While to others, equity is about achieving . . . I don’t know exactly. Inequality, for sure since some people are more favored than others. But it’s also about racism. Instead of a color-blind society, we are moving toward a society that is divided ever more by race, creed, etc.

At one time, we in the USA all wanted the same thing — equality, prosperity, freedom — or at least most of us did. The party lines were drawn by the difference in how people wanted to go about achieving those ends.

Now the division is created not in trying to come together to achieve the same end, but in trying to achieve completely different ends. In my life, I’ve never seen such a division in the goals between the parties. I’ve never seen such blatant Marxism being bandied about. Never seen a lot of what’s going on, that’s for sure. I’ve especially never seen so much suppression being forced on us in the name of freedom.

I don’t know what got me started on this — I actually came here to post another excerpt from my book that’s coming out in a week (October 20!). I suppose it makes sense that I’m thinking of freedom, because that’s the underlying theme of Bob, the Right Hand of God — how much freedom we’re willing to give up for security, and how much security we’re willing to give up for freedom.

If I were to write the book today, I’d have to add a third theme, about how much freedom we’re willing to give up for the sake of equity, because that seems to be one of the themes of our time. Maybe I will pursue this third theme if I ever decide to write a sequel to Bob, the Right Hand of God.

For now, the theme of freedom vs. security is still a good one, especially considering all the freedoms we’ve given up in the attempt to save us from disease.

If you wish to buy a paperback copy, click here: Bob, The Right Hand of God, sign up for email notifications, and Amazon will let you know the minute it is for sale.

I truly hope this book will amuse you, entertain you, make you think and perhaps even dream a bit about what it would be like if God decided to recreate the world.

Posted in culture, fiction, writing. Tags: Bob The Right Hand of God, equity vs equality, freedom vs security, Identity politics, Pre-order kindle book on Amazon, sign up for email notification on Amazon, What if God decided to recreate the world. 2 Comments »

Being Reminded

October 11, 2020 — Pat Bertram

It was too windy for me to go for a walk today, so I worked around the house — dusting, dry mopping, wet mopping, and various other chores. What struck me as I was pampering my house is how many people contributed in one way or another to my being here, through small inheritances and other legacies, furniture donations, help in fixing up the place, in oh, so many ways. I don’t like thinking that people had to die for me to be here, but the love they left behind is something I do like to think of. At times, it feels as if the house wraps me in comfort and safety, which I particularly needed to be reminded of today.

Elections don’t normally affect me one way or another, but this one has me scared for what it portends for our country. I’m particularly aware of the revolution going on that will upend the core beliefs of many of us and make the world a lot less safe. With potential new taxes, with new mores, with the lack of any desire on the part of some leaders to stop the looting in various cities (in fact, some nominees actually approve of looting and want to keep it going), there will be no way to keep what we have from the grasp of the various powers if they want to take it. (Not that this is anything new. It’s just that I never had anything before to be taken so it never seemed personal.)

Although I knew this revolution was going on, and has been going on for many decades in one form or another, I never thought to see it gaining ground so rapidly. I figured I’d be gone by the time this country became unrecognizable. Luckily, I live in the back of beyond where people still believe in accountability, responsibility, family, equality, freedom, law and order, less rather than more government, and all the other strengths of a stable society, so maybe I won’t feel the effects as much as I fear.

But whether those big changes come soon or are still several years away, for today, I am surrounded by all the love invested in this house. And that’s a great place to be. And a wonderful thing to be reminded of.

And speaking of being reminded, let’s not forget that in nine days, my latest novel, Bob, The Right Hand of God will be published! If you would like to be notified by email when the book is available, click here: Bob, The Right Hand of God, sign up for email notifications, and Amazon will let you know the minute it is for sale.

Posted in culture, home, life. Tags: afraid of this election, Bob The Right Hand of God, lack of law and order, looting, revolution, the back of beyond, the love invested in my house. 4 Comments »

Learning the Tarot

October 6, 2020 — Pat Bertram

I’m still doing my one card a day tarot study, though I’m not sure if I’m learning anything. The whole thing confuses me — if the card tells me what I already know about myself, then it seems unnecessary. It it’s supposed to help me see where I am going, then that too seems unnecessary since I will know what I know when I get there. And if it’s about delving deeper into my psyche and coming in contact with my higher self — well, so far that hasn’t happened.

It’s possible the lack is in the tarot itself. After all, the tarot is only a deck of cards — specialized cards, but still just cards. Although each card is assigned a meaning of sorts, a core truth, the cards are open to interpretation, so whatever a person thinks the card means that particular day is the meaning, and that meaning can be different on a different day. This all seems too imprecise and ambiguous for my logical and concrete mind.

It’s possible the lack is in me, not just my inability to intuit any meanings, but my inability to connect with any particular deck. It’s possible I’ll be able to find such a deck — after all, I have dozens of them. Each month I use a different deck, and so far, the ones I’ve used are off-putting. The artwork doesn’t speak to me, and the symbolism of the artwork seems specious at best. Still, I’m sure I will find an affinity with at least one, and then we’ll see if my studies take a different turn.

Having said that, I’ve been keeping track of my daily card, and I do see a pattern to the cards I pick, vague though that pattern might be, because the same cards seems to show up again and again. For example, the king and queen of pentacles show up at least once every month, sometimes two or three times. Since I pick a card randomly, this repetition seems to indicate that more than mere chance is at work. If I used the same deck all the time, I’d think that perhaps the card hadn’t been shuffled well enough or was sticky or had some sort of defect that made the card stand out, but I use a different deck every month.

These two cards do seem to be a reflection of my life. The queen, in a few words, represents someone who is secure in her personal possessions and in her place in life, and the king refers to stability and not having to prove oneself. Since the cards are open to interpretation, and since every tarot writer has assigned various meanings, these few words don’t tell the whole story, but they suffice for the purposes of this article.

Another and seemingly opposite card that I get frequently is the ten of swords which spells ruination, disaster, calamity, though this seems to reflect my thoughts about the current USA situation rather than my own. The card is also a reminder that though I can’t change the actions of another person, I can change how I respond, which seems a timely reminder, for sure.

The cards I pick are mostly swords and pentacles. Very few cups or wands. Very few of the major arcana, though The Tower shows up periodically, which among other things, points to changes — a release of tension that has been building up, a flash of sudden insight, or maybe a warning.

So does any of this mean anything? I don’t know. My daily card pick is helping me get used to the tarot, and it is getting me familiar with the various way experts interpret the cards, so that’s something. The card itself sometimes seems to refer to me, sometimes it seems to refer to what’s going on in the rest of the country, sometimes it seems to be a reflection of my worries. But does it add anything to what I know? Not that I can see.

Sometimes the cards tell me I am more intuitive than I know, other times they seem to think I rely on my intellect. Either way, does it matter?

I do try to find a bit of advice in the daily card, as I did with the ten of swords mentioned above, but these are merely reminders of what I already know.

I suppose it’s possible that after years of study, I might find . . . something. But then, that’s not the point of my studying. I have the cards, and I do find the array of the different decks compelling, and if there is any esoteric knowledge hidden in the cards, I’d like to know what it is. But more than that, it’s about connecting with my deceased brother, the one who collected the cards. “Connecting” might be the wrong word since I’m not trying to connect with him in any psychic way. It’s more that I am connecting with my memory of him, with the private person buried beneath his polarizing personality, the beloved brother I lost way before his death.

That connection, if nothing else, does give my daily card reading a meaning.

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Pat Bertram is the author of Grief: The Inside Story – A Guide to Surviving the Loss of a Loved One. “Grief: The Inside Story is perfect and that is not hyperbole! It is exactly what folk who are grieving need to read.” –Leesa Healy, RN, GDAS GDAT, Emotional/Mental Health Therapist & Educator