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When Life is Easy

October 18, 2020 — Pat Bertram

I’ve been feeling lazy lately. I’ve done what was absolutely necessary, such as water my plants and go to work, but other than that, I haven’t felt like doing anything except low energy activities like reading and playing on my computer. I haven’t even been doing much walking.

Worried that I was getting sick, I went to bed a little earlier last night, hoping it would help. And what a shock! I fell asleep almost immediately and didn’t wake up until 10:00 am. It is rare for me to sleep that long or that late, so rare that I can’t even remember when it was. Years ago, that’s for sure.

Anyway, I staggered out of bed, and that was the last staggering I’ve done for the past four hours. I woke up with so much energy that I’ve been charging around the house, turning the mattress, changing the sheets, doing laundry, cleaning the bathroom, dusting all surfaces, dry mopping and wet mopping the floors.

Wow! Where did all that energy come from? Apparently, whatever has been making me lethargic — exhaustion, barometric pressure changes, allergies, low grade infection, sadness over the state of the world or who knows what — has passed for now.

One thing I did not do yet was take a walk, but after my laundry dries, after I’ve folded it and put it away, and after I’ve relaxed with a cup of tea, I might go out for a bit. Unless my energy level crashes.

But for now, all is fine.

It’s too bad all life’s problems can’t be solved as easily — send everyone to bed to sleep off all the agitation and aggravation, the antagonism and acrimony that seems to be holding us all hostage.

Nothing is that easy, of course. It just feels as if it should be because everything feels easy for me today.

***

We’re getting closer to the October 20th publication date every day!

If you are planning to get a Kindle version of my new novel, Bob, The Right Hand of God, you can now pre-order on Amazon, and the minute the book is published, the book will appear in your Kindle. Click here to purchase: Kindle version of Bob, The Right Hand of God.

If you wish to buy a paperback copy, click here: Bob, The Right Hand of God, sign up for email notifications, and Amazon will let you know the minute it is for sale.

I truly hope this book will amuse you, entertain you, make you think and perhaps even dream a bit about what it would be like if God decided to recreate the world.

Posted in life. Tags: Bob The Right Hand of God, feeling lazy, humorous science fiction, Pre-order kindle book on Amazon, sign up for email notification on Amazon, trying to find the truth, waking up with energy. 2 Comments »

Interesting Times

October 17, 2020 — Pat Bertram

There is no citation, before 1936, for the Chinese curse, “May you live in interesting times.” It was one of the Chamberlains — Austen — who apparently first used the quote, and all he said was that an unnamed member of the foreign service had told him about it. People who have looked for the origin of the sentiment say the Chinese have never heard the curse, or at least the ones who were queried hadn’t heard of it.

Whatever the origin, it certainly does seem to be a curse to live in interesting times, as those of us who have so far lived through the “interesting” year of 2020 can attest.

John Zimirak wrote: “What if in October 2019, I’d told you that a Chinese virus would cripple our economy, close our churches, and strip us of the right of free assembly — except for violent, destructive, anti-police riots? That it would give Democrat governors virtual dictatorial powers, which they’d ruthlessly exploit, weaponizing public panic? Making a mockery of public health by dumping virus patients in nursing homes, while locking down churches? And that the Democrats would nominate one of the weakest candidates in their field, but exploit the effects of the Chinese virus to pull ahead in the presidential race? You’d have waved me off as a crackpot. But that’s exactly what has happened.”

Not everyone will agree with his analysis and his conclusions, but everyone will agree with some of it because here we are. Living in an interesting time.

Even more than living in an “interesting” time, we are living in an historical time. This year has been pivotal, and whatever happens after the election, no matter who wins, will also be pivotal to the USA. Some of the items on the platforms for the next four years may end up as permanent fixtures, unable to be undone. Even if people ever realize the truth of how we have changed, perhaps not for the better, there might not be any going back (or forward) to a more centrist position.

Trump has been called the unobama, since he and his supporters are trying to roll back some of the policies they found unacceptable to the security of our nation. But what happens in the future when there is no more undoing of policies, policies that will punish either the silent conservative or the vocal liberal? It seems probable that one of those groups will be punished with policies they cannot live with because of how polarized we now are. What frightens me and so many other thinkers and overthinkers is that there seems to be no way to work our way back to a center where most people may be at least a bit satisfied with the future of our country. And satisfied with the present, of course, since it’s the present that will determine the future.

Interesting times, for sure.

This is also a time more than any other where the truth is hard to find. It used to be I could read a plethora of articles on all sides of an issue, and wherever they intersected, there the truth could be found. It’s not that easy any more. It’s still a matter of reading a plethora of articles, but now it’s also necessary to try to trace the premises of the articles back to the origin. And that takes work.

I used to think truth was all important. Actually, I still think that. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I thought everyone accepted the importance of truth. Of facts.

But then opinion became more powerful that fact. Not everyone can or will do the work to find the truth because it takes work to find the facts. But everyone can have an opinion regardless of the facts.

Now, reaction seems to be more powerful than opinion. Someone says or does something and long before the facts are known, even before the opinions start being bandied about, people react.

I’m not sure there is a resolution to this situation. After watching Judge Judy with the woman I take care of a few hours a week, and after seeing all the irrational people coming before the judge, I’m convinced there never will be an answer.

I hope I’m wrong. But either way . . . interesting times.

***

We’re getting closer to the October 20th publication date every day!

If you wish to buy a paperback copy, click here: Bob, The Right Hand of God, sign up for email notifications, and Amazon will let you know the minute it is for sale.

I truly hope this book will amuse you, entertain you, make you think and perhaps even dream a bit about what it would be like if God decided to recreate the world. Now those would be interesting times!

Posted in culture, life. Tags: Bob The Right Hand of God, humorous science fiction, living in an historical time, opinion more powerful than fact, Pre-order kindle book on Amazon, sign up for email notification on Amazon, trying to find the truth. 2 Comments »

Craning My Neck

October 16, 2020 — Pat Bertram

I’ve got a crick in my neck from watching huge flocks of birds flying overhead while I was out walking this morning. They weren’t geese — they didn’t have the same tight formation that geese use — but they seemed similar, at least from my viewpoint, standing on the ground far beneath the flocks, craning my neck to watch them for as long as they were in sight. The sounds they made were also different from those of a goose, more of a warble than a honk. I’ve spent the past hour or so trying to figure out what the birds are, and I think they are sandhill cranes. The sound is right, the time of year is right, and according to at least one map, the migratory path is right.

If I had my binoculars with me, I would have been able to see them more clearly. And, of course, if I had followed through on my plan to get a birding camera when I got here, I could have taken a photo instead of relying on this free image.

The last time I experienced such a vast migration was the turkey vulture migration I saw when I lived in California. Those might be unattractive birds when seen close up, but in flight, they are every bit as beautiful as the birds — the cranes — I saw today.

And those cranes certainly were beautiful and elegant.

I was especially delighted to see the cranes today — not just because they were a treat for my eyes and ears (though not for my neck), but also because of the reminder that despite all the sham, broken dreams, and the political machinations we are currently being subjected to, it’s still a beautiful world.

p.s. In case you’re wondering, my use of the word “craning” was no accident.

***

We’re getting closer to the October 20th publication date every day!

If you wish to buy a paperback copy, click here: Bob, The Right Hand of God, sign up for email notifications, and Amazon will let you know the minute it is for sale.

I truly hope this book will amuse you, entertain you, make you think and perhaps even dream a bit about what it would be like if God decided to recreate the world.

Posted in life. Tags: Bob The Right Hand of God, humorous science fiction, Pre-order kindle book on Amazon, Sandhill crane migration, sandhill crane sound, sign up for email notification on Amazon, still a beautiful world, What if God decided to recreate the world. 4 Comments »

Back to Normal

October 15, 2020 — Pat Bertram

Despite one odd reminder of The Bob, my life seems as if it’s back to normal, or as normal as it gets since Jeff died. Now that the library is open again, I’ve been going at least once a week to say hi and check out an armload of books. I’ve made a couple of forays to the historical museum, once to be briefed on a project I’m going to do for them (listening to living history recordings and then turning them into short presentations for various exhibits) and once for an Art Guild meeting. The meeting was fun — it’s been months since I was able to attend a meeting. At first, they stopped the meetings because we couldn’t plan and prepare for any guild projects, then when the meetings began again, I was working.

Everyone was there when I arrived, and when they excitedly said hello, I brandished my very elegant hat and swept a flourishing bow. Someone mentioned that it seemed as if I were a star. Of course, I agreed.

I’ve also met a new resident (an artist/musician from Austin), heard about an artist from New York who moved here to open a studio, and learned that as of now, there are no houses for sale.

Big, big changes for such a tiny town! Apparently, I slipped into the door of affordable houses before it could slam shut behind me, Or, it could be that the door had been closing all along, and it waited for me to come before it latched itself.

Next week, with any luck, my contractor will come and continue working on my various projects. He’d planned to come on Tuesday, but the gas company had the alley closed off and dug up to install new lines.

Despite all this seeming activity, I mostly spend time by myself, read, skim articles on the internet, play games on my computer, walk when the weather and I agree on suitability. And do my daily tarot card study.

Today’s card, the same one I got a couple of weeks ago, warned me about the folly of worrying about things I cannot change, and to salvage what peace I can from the chaos around me. Good advice and so needed. Although I normal don’t pay a lot of attention to politics, I’ve been worrying about the changes this next election will bring no matter who is elected, and yet, from the most recent spates of free speech suppression, I realize the changes are already here, incubating in the schools and the unformed minds of the young. If the legacy press as well as sites such as Twitter and Facebook can suppress the truth about one candidate’s son’s graft and the lies that were told about the candidate selling us out to China, if kids can be expelled from school for sharing conservative points of view (non-incendiary points of view, I might add), if dictionaries can change their definitions overnight to turn a common phrase into one that is verboten, then we’re lost. And if we’re lost, then there’s nothing I can do about it except make sure I remain found.

What’s that Rudyard Kipling poem? Something about keeping my head when all about me are losing theirs and being lied [to] but not deal in lies . . . Well, then, there would be one person in the world who is not a problem.

So, normalcy. My sort of normalcy.

As for the odd reminder of The Bob — I am working for a woman who has a nurse who works for a woman who belongs to an agency where an employee tested positive for The Bob. Not close at all, really, but too close for complacency.

Hmm. I might have to stop calling the Chinese virus “The Bob.” I wouldn’t want people to think my new book Bob, The Right Hand of God has anything to do with The Bob flu.

And yay! We’re getting closer to the October 20th publication date every day.

If you are planning to get a Kindle version of my new novel, Bob, The Right Hand of God you can now pre-order on Amazon, and the minute the book is published, the book will appear in your Kindle. Click here to purchase: Kindle version of Bob, The Right Hand of God.

If you wish to buy a paperback copy, click here: Bob, The Right Hand of God, sign up for email notifications, and Amazon will let you know the minute it is for sale.

I truly hope this book will amuse you, entertain you, make you think and perhaps even dream a bit about what it would be like if God decided to recreate the world. I especially hope the book sells big. Admittedly, that would catapult me out of my recent return to normalcy, but that’s the sort of change I could go for.

Posted in culture, life. Tags: Bob The Right Hand of God, dictionaries changing definitions overnight, Pre-order kindle book on Amazon, sign up for email notification on Amazon, suppression of free speech, tarot card, What if God decided to recreate the world, worried about the election. Leave a Comment »

Six Days Until Publication!

October 14, 2020 — Pat Bertram

An excerpt from Bob, The Right Hand of God for you:

A kid in his late teens or early twenties with drooping trousers that exposed his dingy blue boxer short waited by the front counter, a wire cage at his feet. Approximately eighteen inches high, the enclosure appeared to be filled with scarlet, blue and yellow feathers.

A low-pitched squeak came from the mass of feathers, and Chet realized a live scarlet macaw had been scrunched into the cage. He clenched his hands and glared at the kid. I’d like to stuff you into a space half your size and see how you like it.

The kid grinned, displaying large teeth and a tongue ring. “Some dude told me you buy used pets. How much will you give me for this . . . um . . . this parrot?”

“A hundred.”

“A hundred dollars? You trying to cheat me? It’s worth at least a thousand.”

The bird looked half-dead from mistreatment and starvation. When raised in a loving atmosphere, a macaw was an affectionate creature, but when mistreated, it could be vicious. Even if the bird survived, it would probably be unsalable.

“A hundred and twenty. Take it or leave it.” You little shit.

“You can’t do that.”

“I’m not the one trying to peddle an almost dead bird.” Chet started to walk away.

“Okay, okay, but I want cash.”

Chet strode to the cash register and pulled out six twenties. The kid grabbed the money and bolted from the store, almost tripping on his pant legs.

The orange cat circled the cage. The macaw let out another feeble squeak.

Chet lifted the cage and gently set it on the counter. “You’ll be free in just a minute, little one.”

He went into the back room for a dish of nuts and seeds, a peeled banana, and a bowl of water. He set them in front of the cage, then opened the door and stepped back.

The bird did not move.

Maybe he should try to pull it out? No. One thing the creature didn’t need was more rough handling. It would come out when ready.

While he waited for the macaw to extricate itself, he popped another lemon drop into his mouth.

The candy dissolved into tart nothingness, and still the macaw didn’t move.

Without warning, the exotic birds in their oversized cages flapped their wings, squawking and screaming. The dogs yipped. The snakes coiled and uncoiled. The fish churned their waters.

And from a distance came the sound of gunfire.

***

We’re getting closer to the October 20th publication date every day!

If you wish to buy a paperback copy, click here: Bob, The Right Hand of God, sign up for email notifications, and Amazon will let you know the minute it is for sale.

I truly hope this book will amuse you, entertain you, make you think and perhaps even dream a bit about what it would be like if God decided to recreate the world.

Posted in books, fiction, writing. Tags: Bob The Right Hand of God, Dark humor, Excerpt from Bob the Right Hand of God, humorous science fiction, Pre-order kindle book on Amazon, sign up for email notification on Amazon, What if God decided to recreate the world. Leave a Comment »

Freedom Vs. Security

October 13, 2020 — Pat Bertram

I spent much of the morning researching identity politics because it’s the hot issue of our time (one of them anyway), and I figured I should know what it is. From what I can figure out, after distilling what truth I could find in the midst of all the rhetoric is that some people believe each special group deserves special consideration. Each group, that is, besides white Christians and white males. Those two are fair game. Otherwise, the issue is about equity, not equality. Equality is about treating everyone the same regardless of their group identity. Equity is about treating everyone unequally, depending on that identity. A simplistic definition, I know, but that seems to be the basis of identity politics in a nutshell.

To many people, equality is the way to achieve . . . well, equality. All people are equal regardless of race, color, creed, gender, whatever. While to others, equity is about achieving . . . I don’t know exactly. Inequality, for sure since some people are more favored than others. But it’s also about racism. Instead of a color-blind society, we are moving toward a society that is divided ever more by race, creed, etc.

At one time, we in the USA all wanted the same thing — equality, prosperity, freedom — or at least most of us did. The party lines were drawn by the difference in how people wanted to go about achieving those ends.

Now the division is created not in trying to come together to achieve the same end, but in trying to achieve completely different ends. In my life, I’ve never seen such a division in the goals between the parties. I’ve never seen such blatant Marxism being bandied about. Never seen a lot of what’s going on, that’s for sure. I’ve especially never seen so much suppression being forced on us in the name of freedom.

I don’t know what got me started on this — I actually came here to post another excerpt from my book that’s coming out in a week (October 20!). I suppose it makes sense that I’m thinking of freedom, because that’s the underlying theme of Bob, the Right Hand of God — how much freedom we’re willing to give up for security, and how much security we’re willing to give up for freedom.

If I were to write the book today, I’d have to add a third theme, about how much freedom we’re willing to give up for the sake of equity, because that seems to be one of the themes of our time. Maybe I will pursue this third theme if I ever decide to write a sequel to Bob, the Right Hand of God.

For now, the theme of freedom vs. security is still a good one, especially considering all the freedoms we’ve given up in the attempt to save us from disease.

If you wish to buy a paperback copy, click here: Bob, The Right Hand of God, sign up for email notifications, and Amazon will let you know the minute it is for sale.

I truly hope this book will amuse you, entertain you, make you think and perhaps even dream a bit about what it would be like if God decided to recreate the world.

Posted in culture, fiction, writing. Tags: Bob The Right Hand of God, equity vs equality, freedom vs security, Identity politics, Pre-order kindle book on Amazon, sign up for email notification on Amazon, What if God decided to recreate the world. 2 Comments »

Good News for Kindle Owners

October 12, 2020 — Pat Bertram

If you wish to buy a paperback copy, click here: Bob, The Right Hand of God, sign up for email notifications, and Amazon will let you know the minute it is for sale.

We’re getting closer to the October 20th publication date every day! I truly hope this book will amuse you, entertain you, make you think and perhaps even dream a bit about what it would be like if God decided to recreate the world.

An excerpt from Bob, The Right Hand of God for you:

The chiming of the bell over the door reverberated through the quiet store. All day the animals, especially the birds, had been uncharacteristically silent. Chet thought John was right about something strange going on. But what? Not a storm. Usually the extra electricity in the air preceding a storm made the creatures animated, not lethargic. Unless, perhaps, the storm was gathering strength, like a tidal wave sucking water away from the shore before crashing down upon it.

Deciding he had too active an imagination, Chet went to wait on his customers—a woman and a little boy in search of a puppy.

“I’m sorry. I don’t sell puppies.” While managing a pet store in the mall, he learned the horrors of puppy mills, and now that he had his own store, he refused to support those businesses.

“Kitty!” The boy toddled over to the orange cat and squatted down to study it.

The cat stared back, its emerald eyes narrowed to slits.

“Does it have a name?” the woman asked.

“I’m sure it does.”

“Well? What is it?”

“I don’t know. He never told me.”

Her brows drew together. “How much do you want for it?”

“He’s not for sale; he’s my business partner. But I have a litter of kittens that will be weaned in another week.”

“I really wanted a puppy.”

“Would you please take one step to your right, Ma’am?”

“What?”

Chet gestured to the knee-high frilled lizard that had released itself from the cage and, on its hind legs, was running laps from wall to wall.

Stifling a shriek, the woman scooped up the boy and scurried outside.

Chet reached into a pocket for the small bag of lemon drops he always carried and popped one in his mouth while he watched the little dragon. The zoo had kept it in a cage too small to allow it freedom of movement, and a muscle in a hind leg had atrophied, but now that it got plenty of exercise, the leg seemed to have healed.

When the lizard finished its laps and scampered back to its cage, Chet looked down at the orange cat. “Would you watch the store for me? I’d like to run next door to see if Rosemary has any stale flowers for the tortoises.”

The cat licked a paw then washed behind an ear.

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

***

Pat Bertram is the author of Grief: The Inside Story – A Guide to Surviving the Loss of a Loved One. “Grief: The Inside Story is perfect and that is not hyperbole! It is exactly what folk who are grieving need to read.” –Leesa Healy, RN, GDAS GDAT, Emotional/Mental Health Therapist & Educator