This morning, it suddenly seemed absurd my researching narcissism and obsessing about one extremely unimportant individual in my life, and I had to laugh. Not that narcissism is absurd — the personality disorder has ruined many lives — but I have more important things to obsess about, such as my upcoming trip to visit my sisters. (One sister invited us other two to visit her around Mother’s Day to make chocolate-covered pecan and caramel turtles in honor of our mother.) Now that is something worth obsessing about!
It’s entirely possible this narcissism thing could be a way of distracting me from the impending visit and the very real problems that could arise. Not that I am expecting problems, as such, but the truth is, my two sisters and I have never been alone together, and I mean never. We’ve all been together with other family members. We’ve each of us been alone with one other sister, but never in memory have just the three of us done anything together, possibly because we are so far apart in age. If I really thought there would be more than a little discomfort I would opt out, but I think, despite us three being almost opposites (visualize a unilateral triangle), we are mature enough — or old enough — to manage a weekend together.
Still, I am driving up to Seattle instead of flying to give me the opportunity to escape if need be. Or perhaps I’m driving because I need an excuse for an adventure, a reason to run away from my problems. Oh, who cares why I am driving. I want to. It’s as simple as that.
I am planning to take a couple of weeks to get there, which will allow me to visit friends along the way, to visit a few national parks and monuments and wilderness areas, and to do some camping and hiking and perhaps see some wildflowers.
Just the thought of being in the open feels like a breath of fresh air on my soul. I hope the reality is the same. (I must admit I have a few reservations about my arm, but one way or another, I manage to do what is necessary, so I’m sure I will be able to continue doing so.)
I’d more or less considered not coming back to the desert at all, just continuing to travel, but since I promised to be back for a dance performance, I’m paying my room rent to give me a place to return to.
I really don’t want to spend another summer in the desert — it’s impossible to do much walking, not even in the early morning, and I would like to continue my backpack practice in preparation for a long hike. On the other hand, I don’t really want to be on the road when other people are out in force, and besides, it’s hot almost everywhere in the summer. Maybe not as hot as here, but still hot.
But that is a decision for another time.
Today the only decision I have to make is what national park land to research, what maps to print out. I wish I could be totally spontaneous, and just go without any sort of plans, but my idea of spontaneity is to drive. And drive. And keep on driving. That kind of driving becomes almost a zen-like experience, because as soon as a thought passes through your mind, you’ve left it behind, but it doesn’t satisfy my need for adventure.
So, I’ll close this post and go open my atlas and see where it will take me.
Wishing us all the best of adventures!
***
Pat Bertram is the author of the suspense novels Unfinished, Madame ZeeZee’s Nightmare, Light Bringer, More Deaths Than One, A Spark of Heavenly Fire, and Daughter Am I. Bertram is also the author of Grief: The Great Yearning, “an exquisite book, wrenching to read, and at the same time full of profound truths.” Connect with Pat on Google+. Like Pat on Facebook.
March 26, 2018 at 6:04 pm
It’s not hot here in the summer. Just sayin’.
March 26, 2018 at 7:00 pm
I admit, I do think about that . . .
March 26, 2018 at 6:06 pm
I’d like to be able to just hop into the vehicle, fill her up and just keep driving 50 years younger I probably would 😦
March 26, 2018 at 7:07 pm
Technically, if you could drive fast enough, it could happen. But for me — fifty years younger? Too much — then I’d have to live all this time over. But to feel a bit younger? Maybe. If I could go back to before I destroyed my arm, I would like that. Where can I get on that highway?
March 26, 2018 at 9:03 pm
wish I knew; I see a stop sign coming up, think it says ‘Roads End”
March 26, 2018 at 11:56 pm
But there is some road left. I’m glad you’re spending it with me!
March 26, 2018 at 6:39 pm
Ah, you’re driving so you can stop by and see me too! Looking forward to it. Not a sister, but a sister-in-words.
March 26, 2018 at 7:02 pm
A real sister’s trip! You’re definitely a sister-in-words. Wanda is my sister from another mother, And then my sisters from the same mother. And of course I will see you. We already have a date!
March 27, 2018 at 8:54 am
A road trip sounds Heavenly! I used to burn up the miles to/fro California and the PNW. Will live vicariously through you until my summer trip.
March 27, 2018 at 3:23 pm
Actually, a road trip does sound heavenly. I am so glad I am the one who gets to go. If you’re familiar with the PNW, and since this is a vicarious trip for you, is there any place I should visit for you?
March 27, 2018 at 10:38 pm
Driving sounds perfect, Pat. How far it is it? I’m on the other side of the world and know little about your geography.
March 28, 2018 at 12:02 pm
I think it will be about 3,000 miles round trip, not much compared to my 12,500 road trip, but a good distance. I’ll be driving through all sorts of climates and terrains, hiking and camping in various places, and of course, will be documenting everything on this blog whether people want me to or not!
March 28, 2018 at 2:30 pm
Excellent!