life | Bertram's Blog

Life, Death, and Dancing

June 4, 2018 — Pat Bertram

I’ve gotten so used to living my uncoupled life, that I seldom stop anymore to think of what has happened to get me where I am, and yet, this past week, I did marvel at the strangeness of it all.

If Jeff hadn’t died . . .

If I hadn’t gone to take care of my nonagenarian father . . .

If I hadn’t stopped by a dance studio to inquire about classes . . .

And so there I was, all last week, in rehearsals for dance performances that would take place on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Me? Rehearsals? Dance performance? Remarkable.

This might not seem strange to people who have only known me in the post-Jeff phase of my life where I have become rather adventuresome in a small sort of way, but before that, I lived a quiet life, a bookish life. I have always tried new things and looked for challenges, but never have I gone so far out of myself as I have in these solitary years. I suppose it makes sense — all comfort died with Jeff, so it doesn’t make that much difference if I am comfortable or not.

Oddly, though, I was perfectly comfortable performing this weekend, though I still remember how hard it was in the beginning to push through the discomfort and be able to even think about dancing in front of a crowd.

(I’m second from the left, costumed for “Rejoice” from The Wiz.)

I sometimes wonder what the person I was all those years ago would think about the future she is living, but I’m glad she didn’t know. It’s taken many painful years to get to this point, and it was probably better that she didn’t see what was before her.

I should remember this when I worry about the future. Back then, I couldn’t know what my life would be like eight years in the future, so any worry would have been wasted. And perhaps it is the same now. In eight years, my life could be so different, that any worrying I do today would be wasted.

For me, then, the moral is to take each day as it comes while trying to go beyond what is comfortable, and to enjoy any accomplishments that might ensue.

All that and dancing, too!

***

Pat Bertram is the author of the suspense novels Unfinished, Madame ZeeZee’s Nightmare, Light Bringer, More Deaths Than One, A Spark of Heavenly Fire, and Daughter Am I. Bertram is also the author of Grief: The Great Yearning, “an exquisite book, wrenching to read, and at the same time full of profound truths.” Connect with Pat on Google+. Like Pat on Facebook.

Posted in culture, life. Tags: becoming adventuresome, dance class, dance performance, if he hadn't died, Rejoice, The Wiz, would you want to know the future. 10 Comments »

There’s a Trail Up in Them Thar Hills

May 30, 2018 — Pat Bertram

Although I had planned the trip to Seattle with great detail (only to have that entire plan go out the window even before I set wheels on the road), I didn’t have any plans at all for the return trip except for one — I wanted to take a look at the Pacific Crest Trail where it crossed a highway in Washington. As it turned out, there wasn’t much to see but a vague path covered in snow.

Later, I checked out the trail in Oregon where the melting snows left behind a bit of a marsh. And mosquitoes. That was the only place on the whole trip where I was bitten. Badly. And it wasn’t even mosquito season! Other people who think of hiking the Pacific Crest Trail might fear bears or cougars, but it’s the swarms of Oregon mosquitoes that terrify me. I don’t know if there is enough mosquito repellent in the whole world to entice me to do the Oregon part of the trail, and yet, Oregon is so beautiful that it would be a shame not to experience more than the few steps I took on the Oregon PCT when I was there.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. I am still a long way from even thinking of walking the trail. Whatever strength I’d developed before catching a cold and then going on my trip is long gone, so I will have to start over, and considering the coming heat, I’m not sure how much backpacking practice I will be able to do this summer. Still, this impossible dream of mine remains, and I can feel the trail waiting for me, hiding somewhere up in these mountains. Eeek.

***

Posted in Adventure, life, photography. Tags: backpacking practice, dreaming of hiking the Pacific Crest Trail, impossible dream, Pacific Crest Trail, PCT Oregon, PCT Washington. 6 Comments »

What a Wonderful World

May 29, 2018 — Pat Bertram

Two years ago, my youngest sister got a couple of rescue kittens. She claims they walked around the house saying, “Wow, wow, wow,” because they couldn’t believe they were living in such a wonderful place.

(Below is a gratuitous Pat and Cat photo. It really has nothing to do with this post, but I never before got to post a picture of a cat. Besides, it’s interesting to see myself as others see me — I had no idea my sister was taking this photo. I was laughing because she said Isabella liked me — that if a cat turned her back on you, that meant the cat trusted you, and I said the cat was only warming her behind on the heat emanating from the computer.)

Driving back from my visit to Seattle, I often thought of those cats because I kept hearing myself say, “Wow. Wow. Wow.” Everything I saw seemed astonishingly beautiful. Often there was no place to stop and take a photo, so I had to memorize the scenes, such Mount Shasta appearing out of the clouds for one glorious and shining moment, the abundant wildflower bloom and vibrant greenery along the side of the road, the piney mountains sweeping down to grassy meadows and the meadows sweeping down into the desert. I have no idea why the world seemed so spectacular that day. Maybe I was still giddy after the successful visit with my sisters. Maybe it was the perfect weather or the perfect time of year. Maybe, after being forged in the cold fires of grief, I had come to a place of new clarity.

The reason doesn’t really matter. It’s only important that I could feel the wonder of that day, enjoy the world spread out before my eyes, and surrender to the surprises. At one point, I drove around a curve and had to brake suddenly because I was so astonished by what I was seeing.

Luckily, there was a place to pull off and get out of the car before I caused an accident. The lake far below in the shadow of the mountains was the loveliest shade of green I had ever seen. Is Mono Lake always that color? I don’t know. But I was blessed to have seen those waters with my own eyes. Later, when road construction forced me to halt by the lake itself,

I realized that everything I was seeing had never been seen before by anyone and could never be seen again. We all have a different point of view tempered by our experiences, the angle from which we see a scene, the way the light hits at the very moment we look at something, so the world I saw that day was seen only by me.

Wow. Wow. Wow. I couldn’t believe I got to live, if only for a day, in such a wonderful place.

***

Posted in Adventure, life, photography. Tags: a perfect day, cat photo, Mono Lake, the wonder of the day, things only I see, wonderful world, wow wow wow. 4 Comments »

Feasting My Eyes and My Soul

May 27, 2018 — Pat Bertram

I’d never had any particular interest in seeing Crater Lake, probably because the photos of the lake are so ubiquitous, but everyone I talked to about my return trip recommended that I go. So I did. And wow. Photos simply do not do the place justice, not even my photos. The park is astonishingly beautiful, from Annie’s Spring on the way to the crater,

to the sculpted cliffs,

to the mountains in the distance,

to the lake itself.

If anything, the day was too perfect, at least too perfect for a photograph. While my eyes could distinguish the edge of the lake where the cliffs were mirrored in the water, the camera could not, so the photos came out looking weird with those upside down cliffs.

And yet, totally awesome. I’d planned to stop by, take a photo, and wander around for a few minutes to stretch my legs, but I ended staying most of the day. I simply could not stop feasting my eyes and my soul.

***

Posted in Adventure, books, life, photography. Tags: Annie's Spring, crater lake, mirror images. 10 Comments »

Memorializing Memorial Day

May 26, 2018 — Pat Bertram

I don’t often gear my posts toward national holidays and such, but this year I did a special post for Mother’s Day, and now I am doing one for Memorial Day weekend mostly through serendipity because this particular stop, as well as the rest of my return journey, was unplanned.

After I left Seattle and before I crossed the Columbia River into Oregon,

I encountered a wonderfully bizarre (and touching) World War I memorial — a full size rendering of Stonehenge as it might have looked if it were made of reinforced concrete.

In fact, Sam Hill, the founder, enlisted the aid of a whole slew of authorities on archaeology, astronomy, and engineering to make the monument as accurate as possible. It took more than ten years to build. On Memorial Day in 1929, it was dedicated to the servicemen of Klickitat County, Washington who died in the service of this country during World War I.

Why Stonehenge as a war memorial? When Hill first saw the real thing, he was told that the place had been used for human sacrifice, and he said, “After all our civilization, the flower of humanity is still being sacrificed to the god of war on fields of battle.” Even though Stonehenge is now considered to be a device used by stone age astronomers, the memorial on the Columbia River remains a powerful and intriguing statement about war.

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Posted in culture, life, photography. Tags: Klickitat County war memorial, Sam Hill and Stonehenge, stonehenge, stonehenge in Washington, the Columbia River, war memorial, world war I memorial. Leave a Comment »

Sisterhood

May 25, 2018 — Pat Bertram

When my two sisters and I were on Whidbey Island, we realized that with all the photo-taking, we not did have a single picture of the three of us together. We didn’t see anyone who seemed approachable enough to ask them to take a photo, but we decided it was okay, that maybe every time we got together for a sisters’ event, we could say that it was another time when we didn’t get a photo.

We all liked the idea, actually, until we discovered the 3 Sisters Market and 3 Sisters hooded sweatshirts.

Although the “hood” connection to sisterhood didn’t come to me until after the fact (it was one of those “duh” moments that makes me wonder why it took so long to see the connection) I get such a kick out of the above photo, because — how perfect! Three sisters with hoods celebrating sisterhood. (The pictures on the wall above us are of the three sisters the market — and the farm — are named after.)

It seems weird to me how much we look like sisters in the photo. We never did, not really. We must have grown into it. Nor has there ever been any “sisterhood” among the three of us. We always paired up or if we were together, it was with others in the family. More than that, though, we never considered ourselves “three sisters,” perhaps because we were so far apart in ages and had brothers in between each of us. We are also so different from one another, as if we are sides of an equilateral triangle. (Which makes me wonder what is in the center of that triangle.)

We had such a great time (and surprisingly, got along better than any of us ever imagined) that we are planning another adventure for next year — a camping trip at The Three Sisters Wilderness Area.

How odd to think that after all these years we have discovered our sisterhood.

***

Posted in Adventure, life, relationships. Tags: celebrating sisterhood, sisters in hoods, three sisters, three sisters market. 5 Comments »

Islands, Adventures, and Other Perfections

May 24, 2018 — Pat Bertram

I feel kind of silly that after all my talk of finally going on a solo backpacking trip, I never even went camping. Partly, it was too cold and damp for my desert-acclimated bones, but mostly, the whole time I was on my trip, I was fighting chest congestion, and I didn’t want to take a chance on getting pneumonia. It worked out well, though, because I was able to spend that extra time with my middle sister in Port Townsend, visiting her favorite spots. When I returned to Seattle, my brother-in-law took me and my little sister (yep, the “little” sister who towers over me)

to dinner at a fabulous salmon-themed restaurant

where we had Copper River salmon, truly the most luscious salmon in the world. (And the most expensive!) On Sunday, our last day together, the three of us sisters explored Whidbey Island, a delightful gem of a place in the Puget Sound. (And another ferry ride!) There was much to see, including a lighthouse,

black-tailed deer,

small boats

and big ones (unfortunately, I didn’t actually sail — I just toured the boat),

sculptures,

trees (and me!),

water (of course),

flowers everywhere,

and something we called a cheese puff bush, (because if you don’t know the name of this horticultural, what else would you call it?).

Normally I don’t post so many photos, especially not photos that include me, but be grateful I chose only the best. It was one of those perfect days where everything, including the photos, turned out to be absolutely . . . well, absolutely perfect.

***

(Pat Bertram is the author of the suspense novels Madame ZeeZee’s Nightmare, Unfinished, Light Bringer, More Deaths Than One, A Spark of Heavenly Fire, and Daughter Am I. Bertram is also the author of Grief: The Great Yearning, “an exquisite book, wrenching to read, and at the same time full of profound truths.”)

Posted in Adventure, culture, life, photography. Tags: black-tailed deer, cheese puff bush, Copper River salmon, lighthouse, three sisters, Whidbey Island. 2 Comments »

Once in a Blue Moon

May 22, 2018 — Pat Bertram

One of the many treats of this sisters’ weekend was a painting class.

We started with acrylic paint, brushes, and a blank canvas

but the teacher soon had us smothering the canvas with a dark blue black paint. Then we painted a moon. Since my background was too wet even after a short break to let the canvases dry, the paint kept smearing so to add highlights and craters, I had to daub the paint, so I ended up with sort of a pointillistic style.

The few paintings I had previously done were postcard sized water colors, so I enjoyed slathering paint on a canvas that was about 12″ by 18″. To my surprise, I actually ended up with a pleasing painting. I had planned to do a series of photos that captured the experience, but got so caught up in the experience, that I forgot about taking photos. At least I have a photo of the final project!

Although I have done none of the things I planned, such as the solo backpacking trip, the days have been spectacular, not just the things I have done, but a renewed connection to my sisters.

I hope this connection continues and didn’t happen just once in a blue moon.

***

Posted in Adventure, culture, life. Tags: once in a blue moon, painting class, pointillism, three sisters weekend. 9 Comments »

Ferry Magic

May 21, 2018 — Pat Bertram

I used to think that if one took a cruise, one could stand at the prow and feel the water a few feet below and the wind in your face, and I was so disappointed to discover that is not the truth of it. I have, however, found the desired sensation standing at the end of a pier or on the deck of a ferry.

The first time I was on a ferry — the Outer Banks of North Carolina — Pamlico Sound was so big, I felt as if I were in the ocean, traveling to some exotic place. Which I was, of course, because anywhere you have never been has an exoticness all its own. Still, although the ferry trip was much shorter, I still had the feel of a fabled ocean voyage because of the nearness of the water and the wind in my face. The reality, of course, is that the ferry itself is a cross between a floating garage

and an airport waiting room, but fun all the same.

The Olympic mountains in the distance welcomed me to Kingsport and expressed sadness that I had to cancel my camping trip to the national park.

My middle sister and I spent a lovely couple of days wandering around Port Townsend, visiting the little libraries,

and picnicking on the port. Looking back, on the ride home, I could see the boat’s wake. Looking forward, I could see Seattle (barely visible in the center of this photo.

The next day, we three sisters got together for lunch in Edmonds.

We strolled through downtown admiring the gorgeous blooms

and stopping to smell the roses.

At the end of the day, I waved to middle sister on the ferry.

Ah. Ferry magic.

***

Posted in Adventure, life, photography. Tags: Edmonds Washington, photos of ferries, picnicking in Port Townsend, Port Townsend, taking a ferry, three sisters, Washington State ferry. 4 Comments »

Forged in Fire

May 16, 2018 — Pat Bertram

I do so love sampling new things, whether places, food, puzzles, people’s lives or . . . blacksmithing. Yep. You read that right! As fully equipped as you think your workshop is,

my brother-in-law has done you one better. His includes a forge, a leg vise and an anvil.

I spent a totally awesome day yesterday wearing a blacksmith apron and pounding hot metal!

Mostly I tried to make a couple of matching leaf shapes for a pair of earrings, which wasn’t very dramatic,

so to show the full effect of blacksmithing red hot metal, he let me pound on a bigger piece of iron.

Way cool! Well, cool in the sense of awesome. Not cool in the sense of the absence of heat. Working with forges, fire, heated metal, and heavy hammers is hot work.

People often have bucket lists, but how could I ever have such a list? The most wonderful things I have ever done, such as learning to dance or learning to blacksmith, would not have made it onto the list because I could never have imagined such treats.

The best part of the experience, of course, was the experience, but at the end of the day, I had a pair of earrings to show for it. Or rather, my sister has the earrings — I gave them to her for a hostess gift. The background leaf is the iron I pounded out and shaped. The dome top and the pepper dangle (added for color and because they are “red hot” chili peppers) are purchased beads.