Dealing With Life

May 18, 2026 — Pat Bertram

It seems as if I’ve been doing a lot of blogging lately about my ideal life, though sometimes it was only because those blog prompts came up and I felt as if I had something to say. Other times it was because that particular day did feel ideal. It’s made me wonder, though, if I sounded smug with all that “ideal life” talk. For those of you who have been with me all through my years of grief over Jeff, over the loss of my father and my older brother, the loss of whatever stability I’d found, you know that my current ideal life has been hard won. The posts are more about gratitude for finding a safe haven than about congratulating myself on winning the “life” lottery.

I also know, as do you, how quickly life can change. One day one is the midst of the most terrible angst imaginable, and the next day one is okay. Well, not the next day, though from my perspective today, it can feel like it. But I have thousands of blog posts archived under the heading “grief posts” to show the truth of how many days separated the days of angst from these days of peace.

These “ideal life” posts are strictly about today. I hope no matter what traumas descend on me in the future, these days of gratitude and peace will help give me the courage to face what might come. I can hope, of course, for many years of this “ideal life,” but life tends not to take our hopes into consideration. Though who knows — some people believe we create our own reality, so perhaps these “ideal life” posts are helping create a future that is as easy as my life is today.

It is funny, though, that I am going through a time of relative freedom from body malfunctions and pain. There have been episodes over the past few years of knee problems, piriformis muscle and tendon issues, and various other trivialities (considering the life/death spectrum). I’ve managed to find a way to handle whatever has come my way, and currently there is a weird bout of catarrh that comes and goes, probably due to allergies, but for the most part, there are no malfunctions for me to deal with. That will change, too, but again, I am grateful for these days of ease (as opposed to dis-ease). And in fact, they should be celebrated despite any hint of what could be conceived as smugness.

Do I “deserve” these days? Who knows. Does anyone “deserve” anything that happens to them? Life is just . . . life. We deal with the good as well as the bad, though to be honest, the good is a whole heck of a lot easier to deal with!

***

Pat Bertram is the author of Grief: The Inside Story – A Guide to Surviving the Loss of a Loved One

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Perfect Summer Day

May 16, 2026 — Pat Bertram

It feels like summer, not the summer of adulthood when the sun glares and the heat burns and only air-conditioning makes it livable, but the fabled summer of childhood, when each day felt perfect. At least that’s the way we often remember our youthful summers, regardless of the truth.

Summer is still five weeks away, and so is the stultifying heat, but right now, the days feel lazy and warm, with bumblebees buzzing among the flowers, birds digging in the grass for their breakfast. Usually at this time of year, spring winds are almost constant and can be fierce, but they are currently absent. The air is still and soft and falls lightly on my skin. Even the lush blooms speak of an ideal summer, though around here, only a few flowers can keep from being seared by the intense July and August sun.

I tend to think that the mild winter coupled with a warm late winter/early spring helps to make this feel like summer because plants are further along this year than normal, and they are flowering longer. The columbines have been flowering for six weeks! And the larkspur have been flowering almost that long. This long-blooming period gives such a timeless feel to the days, which to me is a summer feeling. (Spring, with the winds and the hurried flowers and the rapid changes, often seems frenetic.)

Also, the temperatures are in the nineties, which in a lot of places, are summer temperatures, but around here, that’s almost cool for summer.

I’m making sure to remember these halcyon days (and if not in my mind, then here, on this blog), because once summer is here for real, all bets are off. And yet, in the past when we’ve had early summer weather, the actual summer months could be cool if the monsoons came. And there is a chance of a wet monsoon season because of predictions for a strong El Nino later this year.

But that’s all mights and maybes. All I know is that right now it feels like a perfect summer day. So what if it’s only May? It’s the feeling (and the feeling of gratitude that comes with it) that counts.

***

Pat Bertram is the author of Grief: The Inside Story – A Guide to Surviving the Loss of a Loved One

 

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Bizarre Day

May 12, 2026 — Pat Bertram

I don’t know what got into me yesterday morning. I started out as I always do, just taking it easy, checking the weather, doing a puzzle, posting a blog.

Then out of nowhere, for no reason, I did a load of laundry. It’s not an onerous task by any means — it’s not as if I have to lug the stuff down to the river and beat the garments on the rocks to clean them — but my washing machine shakes and pounds during the spin cycles, and I can’t always deal with that awful noise. I could buy a new washer, of course, but that brings a whole new set of problems, mostly logistic, but still, not something I want to deal with right now.

Figuring I was inured to the noise, when that load was done, I stripped my bed and washed the linens and mattress pad. Oddly, the machine never made a sound. So when that was done, I did my last load of laundry just to get it out of the way.

Meantime, I emptied the dishwasher, rotated the mattress, cleaned house (dusted everything and dry mopped the floors), went down to the basement and changed the furnace filter. Then I packed up a book to mail, took it to the post office, ran a few more errands, and checked on a friend’s house for him while he’s out of town.

Utterly bizarre. I don’t usually do that much in a month!

The afternoon was a lazy one since I’d done everything that needed to be done, and besides, I was exhausted.

Today might be another lazy day. I don’t have to water, though I will go out and check on my newly planted petunias, and probably grab a few weeds while I’m out there. Then the rest of the day is wide open. I’m not sure what I will do with all that freedom. Just enjoy the clean house and pretty yard, I guess. Not a bad way to spend a day!

The photo below is what I see when I look out of a back window. Whenever I’m waiting for something to cook or boil or steep, I go to the window and just marvel at the beauty.

***

Pat Bertram is the author of Grief: The Inside Story – A Guide to Surviving the Loss of a Loved One

Posted in being me, blogging, gardening, home, house, life. Tags: , , , , . 7 Comments »

Minimalist Living

May 10, 2026 — Pat Bertram
Daily writing prompt
What are the biggest benefits of minimalist living?
View all responses

I had no idea “minimalist living” was a thing. A simple Google search showed me hundreds of articles about how to become a minimalist, including a lifestyle guide to minimalist living, a complete beginner’s guide to minimalism, ways to start living a minimalist lifestyle, how to ease into a minimalist lifestyle, how to convert your family to a minimalist lifestyle. And on. And on. And on.

Weird. Who knew you had to learn to live a minimalist lifestyle? It’s probably the simplest thing imaginable. You just live . . . minimally.

The truth is, I’ve been living a minimalist lifestyle my whole life, but I don’t call it that. I call it not buying things I didn’t need. I call it living debt-free, not buying anything I can’t afford right now. (My thought has always been that if I can’t afford it today, why would I suddenly be able to afford it when the bill came due? More than that, though, I’ve always had a fear of being in debt. Perhaps I read too many books about owing money to gangsters in my youth.)

I call my minimalist lifestyle “using, reusing, using up.” I call it not wasting anything, especially not food. (How do people live with themselves when they throw away perfectly good food because they don’t like leftovers? I don’t eat leftovers either. At least not by that word. I call any uneaten food a pre-cooked meal or tomorrow’s fuss-free lunch.)

I know one thing minimalism isn’t — following someone else’s guide to minimalism.

I have way more stuff than the minimalism gurus suggest, but a lot of that was hand-me-downs, such as my furniture. Instead of doing nothing in a relative’s storage unit, I get the use of those lovely items. (According to him, it’s my furniture now. I guess he was minimalizing his life by maximizing mine!) A lot of other stuff I own is left from the retail business Jeff and I used to run, though gradually, I’m finding people to dump the stuff on. (Oops. I mean finding people to donate it to.) All my extraneous stuff is neatly packed away on shelves in my garage, so it’s not in the way. Since I don’t like things on the walls in my house, my finished paint-by-number pictures and other “artwork” decorate my garage. And if I get something new, such as a gift, I get rid of something old. It doesn’t reduce what I own, but it keeps me from becoming a hoarder.

To me, minimalism isn’t so much about what I own but what I do. I try to do only one thing at a time. Not only that, I am truly a minimalist when it comes to letting — or rather not letting — the world intrude on my life.  I don’t listen to music while I do chores or whatever. Actually, though I am loath to admit it, I don’t listen to music at all because, to my tin ear, it’s all just noise. Besides, I hate having snatches of songs stuck in my head. I prefer silence. I don’t watch television, either, and when I’m on the computer, I have the volume turned off.

So what are the benefits of my minimalist style of living? Well, no debt, for one. (The typical U.S. household is carrying about $105,000 in debt. Yikes. How do people do that? Doesn’t it make them crazy to owe that much?) My income is also minimalist, but it’s not a problem because my minimalist lifestyle is one I can afford. At least for now. Since I’ve kept the same vehicle for the past fifty-four years, I don’t have to deal with a car payment, and since my driving is minimal, I don’t spend much on gas. (In fact, for me, gas is always the same price — I put in twenty-dollars’ worth each time I get gas, and that’s that.)

Other benefits — less stress since I don’t have to worry about paying off a debt. Peace of mind because I try to keep my mind as uncluttered as the rest of my life. A feeling of lightness since having too many possessions weighs me down. An ability to enjoy the small pleasures of life, such as flowers in my garden, since I haven’t straightjacketed myself into a hectic routine.

I can’t imagine living an opulent life (or whatever the opposite of a minimalist life would be). This minimalism is so ingrained in me that, to me, it’s just life.

***

Pat Bertram is the author of Grief: The Inside Story – A Guide to Surviving the Loss of a Loved One

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Garden Stroll Part Two

May 5, 2026 — Pat Bertram

I’ve been posting more this year about what’s growing in my yard because . . . well, because this year there’s more growing in my yard. So, come stroll with me, and I’ll show you some of what is giving me so much pleasure.

In the very middle of the above photo, is a pretty blend of colors — pink ice plant, blue flax, orange wallflower. And lots of green!

Come summer, these plants will bloom with purple magus echinacea, yellow coreopsis, daisies, and cottage pinks, but for now, I’m enjoying those healthy-looking plants.

In the middle far left of that same top photo, is a splash of pink ice plant. The picture doesn’t do it justice — as you can see, the ice plant forms a solid mat of gorgeous blooms. (All of that from two plants I bought a few years ago!)

Behind me, as I’m standing taking these photos, is my hens and chicks garden.

It’s hard to see the detail because some of the plants seem to blend with the ground, but as you can (maybe) see, there are three colors of succulent: purple, bright green, and dull green. The entire garden of hen and chicks came from five dull green plants, two bright green and one purple.

One of the many miracles of gardening is how you can get many plants from one.

Yesterday, I’d planned to get the petunias and other plants I need for my containers and to fill out empty spots in the garden areas, but there’s a chance for a freeze in the next few days, so I’m playing it safe. But still, there’s plenty to show off on this garden stroll. Thank you for walking with me!

***

Pat Bertram is the author of Grief: The Inside Story – A Guide to Surviving the Loss of a Loved One

 

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Garden Stroll

May 4, 2026 — Pat Bertram

With so much the contention in the world right now, we all need a little peace in our lives, so come stroll with me and I’ll show you my garden. That garden, in itself, brings peace — at least to me — so I’m especially lucky that things are growing well this year.

Walk down the path, almost to the garage, you will find this lovely pastoral scene hiding behind the greenery.

I have no idea why the garden is so lovely this year. Winter was warmer but also drier, so those two conditions should have cancelled each other out, but instead, what I have is a lush springtime yard.

The larkspur, seen along the fence in the two top photos, are growing well, though that’s not a surprise. Larkspur does exceptionally well in this climate, and always I am glad to see the frilly foliage. More than even a robin, larkspur herald spring. It’s interesting that although I started out with only purple larkspur, each year, more colors bloom.

In the forefront of the pastoral photo (second from the top) is a yellow columbine. Oddly, there are also white columbines on that same plant. But that’s no problem. Any columbine is welcome!

Truly, the columbines are prolific and gorgeous this year. The orange wallflowers in the background of the following photo are hanging around longer than they normally do, which is a thrill for me because that sunrise color sure brightens the day!

I could post more photos, but I don’t want to overwhelm anyone (or tire you out with such a strenuous walk), so I’ll continue this garden stroll tomorrow.

***

Pat Bertram is the author of Grief: The Inside Story – A Guide to Surviving the Loss of a Loved One

 

Posted in being me, gardening, home, life. Tags: , , , , , . 10 Comments »

Warm Flowers for Cool Days

April 30, 2026 — Pat Bertram

It’s a dark and chilly day here. Grey clouds laden with moisture hang overhead but not a single raindrop falls. This seems like the perfect time to post a few flower photos from the warm end of the spectrum. I doubt they will do anything to brighten the day outside, but they will certainly brighten my day inside where it counts.

I planted firecracker penstemon seeds three years ago, but it took two years for a few of the seeds to germinate. By the time those few seeds germinated, I’d forgotten all about them and thought they were weeds. Luckily, I realized they weren’t weeds in time to save the last plant. I didn’t know what it was until it flowered. I’m certainly glad I managed to save this last plant.

Now I’m hoping that it reseeds itself. Anything that takes hold in this climate is worth allowing to spread since so many plants that like our winters don’t like our summers and vice versa.

The snapdragons weren’t grown from seed, but they, too are a surprise because normally, although they do reseed themselves, they don’t survive the winter. And yet here they are, still a week before planting season in these parts, blooming cheerily.

Columbine, like firecracker penstemon, seem to take a couple of years to germinate, at least, this one did. It was grown from seed at the same time as the penstemon and took as long to flower.

This is an interesting columbine — not just the color, but the size. It’s about half the size of the others in my yard. Still, though small, the vibrant color gives them as much panache as their larger relatives.

I hope these flowers have brightened your day. They sure did brighten mine!

***

Pat Bertram is the author of Grief: The Inside Story – A Guide to Surviving the Loss of a Loved One

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Pleasing My Eyes

April 25, 2026 — Pat Bertram

The recent frost did more damage than I originally thought. Although the plum blossoms made it through that first night, they soon turned brown and dropped off the branches. It’s what I expected, but still, it’s a bit disappointing. The lily tree forest was also more damaged than it first seemed — more brown than was first apparent — but I still think there should be plenty of lily flowers come July.

I took a few photos when I was out watering this morning. These irises aren’t mine; they are growing in my next-door neighbor’s yard, though they might as well be mine since there’s no one else to see them. It amuses me to think that I spend so much time outside watering and grooming my yard, and his totally unkempt (well, not totally — he does mow the weeds a couple of times during the summer) and completely unwatered yard yields these majestic flowers.

Then there is this photo of a columbine that planted itself. On my phone, the picture was perfect, the color the lovely purple of the plant itself, but when I uploaded it to my computer, it turned blue. Must be the difference when the P3 wide gamut space on my phone was converted to the standard sRGP for web display. I have no idea what that means, but that’s the answer I got when I Googled, “Why is the color different when uploading a picture from my phone. So that’s why, instead of the original purple, you see a blue columbine. Or maybe you see a different color? Purple maybe? Or orchid?

Another photo I took doesn’t do justice to what I wanted to memorialize. I’d just finished watering the lilac bushes when I noticed water drops clinging to the denuded flower stems. In the morning sun, those long-past-their-prime lilacs glittered like crystal. It was an awesome sight!

This last photo was a surprise. I must have pushed the button as I was walking away from those lilacs toward my gazebo, because this photo showed up on my phone. I loved the colors, especially the blue of the sky, so I kept it. (In the interest of honesty, I have to admit I skewed the photo from the original slanted image to get this version, but otherwise, the phone did it all on its own.)

A lot of plants are showing their first shy blossom, such as the larkspur and the cottage pinks, so perhaps I’ll have different garden photos to show in a few days.

Until then, I have these photos to please my eyes, and perhaps yours, too.

***

Pat Bertram is the author of Grief: The Inside Story – A Guide to Surviving the Loss of a Loved One.

Posted in gardening, home, internet, life, photography. Tags: , , , , , . 7 Comments »

What Makes Me Nervous

April 24, 2026 — Pat Bertram
Daily writing prompt
What makes you nervous?
View all responses

Appliances make me nervous. Not operating them. Not even so much the thought of their breaking down. But what comes after when they do malfunction.

I try not to worry, and mostly it’s easy. I just turn my thoughts in another direction. But when a particular appliance makes an unfamiliar noise or what sounds like it could be a vibration, then I go on alert.

My washing machine needs new rods or new bearings because unless the load is small and perfectly balanced, sometime during one of the final spins, it shakes and rattles so hard that it makes me very nervous. I’ll get a new machine soon because there’s no one around here that I know of who fixes washing machines (the one repair service in the next town over has never returned my calls). That’s what really worries me — having to deal with a machine that suddenly stops working with my wet apparel locked inside. Even worse is the thought of having to deal with all that buying a new washing machine entails, and all the decisions that have to be made until everything is settled down once again.

In rereading what I wrote above, I noticed that I used the words “worry” and “nervous” interchangeably, so I checked online to see what the difference is. Apparently, worry is long term, is mostly in the mind, and often centers on specific future scenarios. Nervousness is short term, primarily physical, and often centers on an immediate or unfamiliar situation.

So I suppose what it comes down to in my appliance scenario is that I am worried about being nervous about dealing with breakdown issues.

What does unequivocally make me nervous are appointments. I don’t care how important or trivial those appointments might be, I always find myself getting nervous. I suppose the nervousness comes not just from worrying about a perhaps negative outcome of the appointment, such as a dental visit or a DMV appointment to get my license renewed, but it’s also because of someone else being in control of the situation. I am lucky to be pretty much in control of my life. Admittedly, I have a self-restricted life — I don’t go out much, don’t party or “have fun” (whatever that is). I do simply things, try to be mindful of dangers that come with letting my thoughts wander, and generally take as good a care as possible of myself and my house and property. I am pretty much in control, barring accidents and appliances breaking down, so it makes sense that I’m nervous when I have to deal with an appointment where suddenly, I am not in control. Someone else temporarily gets to have a say in my life. So far, those “say”s have worked out, but that’s not always the case.

Oddly, the one appointment that did have a negative impact wasn’t even my appointment, but a friend’s. I’d accompanied her to the eye doctor, and while waiting for her, a woman sat next to me and began to chat with me. That wasn’t too much of a problem until she started coughing. Then she admitted she’d just come from her medical doctor and had been diagnosed with bronchitis, but that she wasn’t infectious anymore.

I moved away from her, of course, but it was too late. I’m still dealing with the lingering result of her uninfectious bronchitis.

It might seem as if my life is fraught with worry and nervousness, but the truth is, I am almost always focused on the moment, which brings, if not serenity, at least calm and a modicum of contentment.

Wishing the same for you!

***

Pat Bertram is the author of Grief: The Inside Story – A Guide to Surviving the Loss of a Loved One.

Posted in being me, dealing with old age, home, life. Tags: , , , , , . 4 Comments »

How Does My Garden Grow

April 22, 2026 — Pat Bertram

A friend left a comment yesterday saying that the pictures of flowers I’ve been posting are inspiring her to plant more. I understand that — they’re inspiring me, too. Last year I had little interest in my yard. The work-to-result ratio just didn’t seem worth it, but this year, so far, the gardens are doing great, with bits of color popping up all over.

The freezes we had a couple of nights this week didn’t do much damage, just burned the edges of some leaves, but I don’t think it will affect the flowers this summer. Luckily, the snapdragons I planted late last spring turned out to be hardy enough to survive the winter as well as these freezes, so I’m much further ahead with that gardening area than expected. Look at all those buds!

Columbines are still going strong, and this self-seeder seems to be enjoying the companionship of other flowers.

A new volunteer has shown up — blue flax! They might have been in a package of wildflower seeds or been blown in, but the reason doesn’t matter, just the enjoyable fact that are here.

Oh, don’t let me forget the star of Bethlehem! They’re easy to forget because they don’t bloom until the afternoon around here, but so dainty and pristine!

The ice plants flowers are starting to bloom, adding more cheerful ground color to the garden.

The wild roses surrounding the raised garden seem to be waiting for May, when I can plant whatever it is I am going to put in that planter. Dwarf zinnia seeds, maybe?

Ah, May! The fifth of May, to be exact. That’s historically the last day of a possible frost around here, so that’s when I plan on getting petunias to plant in my containers and whatever catches my eye to fill in a few empty spots.

Until then, I’ll continue to appreciate my yard and try to find satisfaction in a job well done even if I don’t always enjoy the work.

***

Pat Bertram is the author of Grief: The Inside Story – A Guide to Surviving the Loss of a Loved One.

 

Posted in gardening, home, life, photography. Tags: , , , , , , , . 2 Comments »
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