Magic Yard

When people see my garden, either in photos or in person, they almost always say, “You must have a green thumb.” But I don’t. Until I moved here, I was seldom able to grow anything, and when I did manage to keep a plant alive, it wasn’t for long.

The same thing happens here, to be honest. Plants die. I’d say about half of all plants I bought ended up committing harikari. (Hmm. No, not harikari. I just checked the definition of the word; apparently harikari is a specific way of committing suicide — stabbing a dagger in one’s belly and cutting horizontally. Eek. Not a way I would like to go and a physical impossibility for plants since they have neither daggers nor bellies to stick them in.)

The point is, plants that can’t handle the alkaline soil or the searing sun or the frigid winters or perhaps just me, end up being a vague memory. The plants that hang around are ones that thrive in this yard, and they happily spread out or reseed themselves so that during springs like this one, they make it look as if I know what I am doing, when in fact, it’s the yard doing magic tricks. These gorgeous Asiatic irises were here when I moved in and do well with benign neglect. The purple larkspur, as seen in the top photo and in the background of other photos, are an example of a flower that reseeds itself. Magic, for sure!

The beauty of gardening (besides the beauty of the garden itself) is that mistakes don’t hang around so that when things grow, it seems as if everything grows, when that is not the case. Also interesting is when the plants themselves decide what they want to be. Below is a yellow columbine that decided it wanted to be half white.

I’m lucky, really, to live in a magic yard. I plant things, water them, admire them, and that’s it. No green thumb. Just plants that like being where they are. Even then, some years, like last year, they struggle to put out any blooms. I truly have no idea why this is a lush spring for me. We had almost no moisture all winter, and not much this spring. What we have had this spring is springing temperatures — one day it’s below freezing, the next day it springs up to ninety. Amazing that anything can deal with such extremes!

My grass is doing well so far, and I tend to think that has to do with the skunks. They come around every night and dig in the dead patches of grass for grubs, so what is left looks greener. (In the picture below, you might be able to see clumps of dead grass — that’s skunk work. I used to be upset with them until I realized that they are aerating my lawn for me, so as long as they keep their scent to themselves, I’m okay with their digging.)

Now if I can only find something that will get rid of the weeds for me. Some years, when I’ve had a lush yard like this, come summer, most things were eaten almost to the ground by grasshoppers, leaving only weeds behind. If scientists could develop a grasshopper that ate weeds and left everything else behind, that would be a great service to us non-green-thumb gardeners. Meantime, I’m just grateful I have a magic yard that knows how to do what I don’t know how to do. I’m not the only one who likes my yard. These young turtledoves certainly seemed taken with the sight!

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Pat Bertram is the author of Grief: The Inside Story – A Guide to Surviving the Loss of a Loved One

 

Bizarre Day

I don’t know what got into me yesterday morning. I started out as I always do, just taking it easy, checking the weather, doing a puzzle, posting a blog.

Then out of nowhere, for no reason, I did a load of laundry. It’s not an onerous task by any means — it’s not as if I have to lug the stuff down to the river and beat the garments on the rocks to clean them — but my washing machine shakes and pounds during the spin cycles, and I can’t always deal with that awful noise. I could buy a new washer, of course, but that brings a whole new set of problems, mostly logistic, but still, not something I want to deal with right now.

Figuring I was inured to the noise, when that load was done, I stripped my bed and washed the linens and mattress pad. Oddly, the machine never made a sound. So when that was done, I did my last load of laundry just to get it out of the way.

Meantime, I emptied the dishwasher, rotated the mattress, cleaned house (dusted everything and dry mopped the floors), went down to the basement and changed the furnace filter. Then I packed up a book to mail, took it to the post office, ran a few more errands, and checked on a friend’s house for him while he’s out of town.

Utterly bizarre. I don’t usually do that much in a month!

The afternoon was a lazy one since I’d done everything that needed to be done, and besides, I was exhausted.

Today might be another lazy day. I don’t have to water, though I will go out and check on my newly planted petunias, and probably grab a few weeds while I’m out there. Then the rest of the day is wide open. I’m not sure what I will do with all that freedom. Just enjoy the clean house and pretty yard, I guess. Not a bad way to spend a day!

The photo below is what I see when I look out of a back window. Whenever I’m waiting for something to cook or boil or steep, I go to the window and just marvel at the beauty.

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Pat Bertram is the author of Grief: The Inside Story – A Guide to Surviving the Loss of a Loved One

Solitude

I came across an interesting quote this morning by the French writer known simply as Colette: “There are days when solitude is a heady wine that intoxicates you with freedom, others when it is a bitter tonic, and still others when it is a poison that makes you beat your head against the wall.”

What’s interesting to me about this quote is that, although solitude was an issue with her, it isn’t for me. She died almost 75 years ago, so obviously, the times were different. Today I’m not sure there is such a thing as a poisonous solitude that makes one want to beat one’s head against the wall. We are all just fingertips away from connecting with the world, and if not that, then we’re just minutes away from a store where for the price of a loaf of bread, we can talk to a checkout clerk for a few minutes.

Admittedly, I am minimizing her pain, but I don’t feel that solitude is a big issue — not for me, anyway. I have people I can call or go visit, I can take a walk or work in my garden where people tend to find me. So solitude by itself isn’t a bitter tonic or a poison. Nor is it the heady wine she speaks of. It just is the way I’ve ordered my life (or perhaps the way life ordered me).

Loneliness, on the other hand, can be a bitter tonic if not poisonous, since it doesn’t have an easy fix. I mean, just by going out among people you can cure solitude, because even if you don’t know the people, you’re not solitary anymore. But loneliness isn’t as easy as being around people because one can be lonely in a crowd. One can also be lonely for a particular person, and if that person isn’t around, then the loneliness can be agonizing for sure.

Solitary and lonely — that’s not a good combination, though I tend to think it’s the loneliness that’s the problem, not the aloneness, but then, what do I know. I don’t often get lonely anymore since I am used to Jeff being gone. I am also solitary by nature, though if I am visiting with someone, I can be as garrulous and as sociable as those who prefer to wrap a peopled world around themselves.

I know some of you are lonely, though perhaps not solitary. Others are both lonely and solitary. Life can be bitter for those who have lost the one person that made their life a more loving and friendly place to be, so I don’t want you to think I’m diminishing your pain.

I’m just . . . thinking.

***

Pat Bertram is the author of Grief: The Inside Story – A Guide to Surviving the Loss of a Loved One

Minimalist Living

Daily writing prompt
What are the biggest benefits of minimalist living?

I had no idea “minimalist living” was a thing. A simple Google search showed me hundreds of articles about how to become a minimalist, including a lifestyle guide to minimalist living, a complete beginner’s guide to minimalism, ways to start living a minimalist lifestyle, how to ease into a minimalist lifestyle, how to convert your family to a minimalist lifestyle. And on. And on. And on.

Weird. Who knew you had to learn to live a minimalist lifestyle? It’s probably the simplest thing imaginable. You just live . . . minimally.

The truth is, I’ve been living a minimalist lifestyle my whole life, but I don’t call it that. I call it not buying things I didn’t need. I call it living debt-free, not buying anything I can’t afford right now. (My thought has always been that if I can’t afford it today, why would I suddenly be able to afford it when the bill came due? More than that, though, I’ve always had a fear of being in debt. Perhaps I read too many books about owing money to gangsters in my youth.)

I call my minimalist lifestyle “using, reusing, using up.” I call it not wasting anything, especially not food. (How do people live with themselves when they throw away perfectly good food because they don’t like leftovers? I don’t eat leftovers either. At least not by that word. I call any uneaten food a pre-cooked meal or tomorrow’s fuss-free lunch.)

I know one thing minimalism isn’t — following someone else’s guide to minimalism.

I have way more stuff than the minimalism gurus suggest, but a lot of that was hand-me-downs, such as my furniture. Instead of doing nothing in a relative’s storage unit, I get the use of those lovely items. (According to him, it’s my furniture now. I guess he was minimalizing his life by maximizing mine!) A lot of other stuff I own is left from the retail business Jeff and I used to run, though gradually, I’m finding people to dump the stuff on. (Oops. I mean finding people to donate it to.) All my extraneous stuff is neatly packed away on shelves in my garage, so it’s not in the way. Since I don’t like things on the walls in my house, my finished paint-by-number pictures and other “artwork” decorate my garage. And if I get something new, such as a gift, I get rid of something old. It doesn’t reduce what I own, but it keeps me from becoming a hoarder.

To me, minimalism isn’t so much about what I own but what I do. I try to do only one thing at a time. Not only that, I am truly a minimalist when it comes to letting — or rather not letting — the world intrude on my life.  I don’t listen to music while I do chores or whatever. Actually, though I am loath to admit it, I don’t listen to music at all because, to my tin ear, it’s all just noise. Besides, I hate having snatches of songs stuck in my head. I prefer silence. I don’t watch television, either, and when I’m on the computer, I have the volume turned off.

So what are the benefits of my minimalist style of living? Well, no debt, for one. (The typical U.S. household is carrying about $105,000 in debt. Yikes. How do people do that? Doesn’t it make them crazy to owe that much?) My income is also minimalist, but it’s not a problem because my minimalist lifestyle is one I can afford. At least for now. Since I’ve kept the same vehicle for the past fifty-four years, I don’t have to deal with a car payment, and since my driving is minimal, I don’t spend much on gas. (In fact, for me, gas is always the same price — I put in twenty-dollars’ worth each time I get gas, and that’s that.)

Other benefits — less stress since I don’t have to worry about paying off a debt. Peace of mind because I try to keep my mind as uncluttered as the rest of my life. A feeling of lightness since having too many possessions weighs me down. An ability to enjoy the small pleasures of life, such as flowers in my garden, since I haven’t straightjacketed myself into a hectic routine.

I can’t imagine living an opulent life (or whatever the opposite of a minimalist life would be). This minimalism is so ingrained in me that, to me, it’s just life.

***

Pat Bertram is the author of Grief: The Inside Story – A Guide to Surviving the Loss of a Loved One

My Ideal Life

Daily writing prompt
If you had to describe your ideal life, what would it look like?

If I had to describe my ideal life today, it would actually look like my life today, but that description has changed over the years.

If I had to describe my ideal life when I was a child, it would have been no chores and time to read all I wanted. And dessert after every meal.

If I had to describe my ideal life when I was a young adult, it would probably have been a job I loved that paid me a ton of money so that I could save enough to quit my job and read all I want. And yes, dessert after dinner.

In my middle years, my ideal life would have been how things were when Jeff was doing well — playing games together, working together, and making enough to get by. Ideally, we would have made enough not to have had to worry about neither of us working when he wasn’t doing well. Still, during those intervals, I had plenty of time to read, though not always money for dessert every evening.

Now, that I have grown up (actually more than grown up — I’ve almost grown to the stage of spoilage), and now that I have realigned my life after losing Jeff, my parents and my older brother, I can’t imagine any life other than the one I have. And rightly so. For me, it’s . . . ideal. Truly.

For example, this morning, after my stretching exercises, I went outside and mowed the lawn. I talked to one neighbor who crossed the street to chat, saw another neighbor out walking, and she stopped to chat. I watered the petunias I’d purchased yesterday morning and planted yesterday afternoon, then wandered around my yard, marveling at being able to live in such a fairytale environment.

Admittedly, the yard does take work, but right now, it’s easy enough to make the effort. Besides, the work I did today wasn’t work so much as an excuse to be outside in the clement weather, especially after the past two days of inclement weather.

Although I have time to read, I’ve run out of books I want to read, have no interest in scouring the shelves of the local library for more books I have no interest in reading, so I’ve been rereading the few books in my own library. And that dessert after every meal? I could have it of course, but then there’s the issue of my being smart enough not to indulge. But those “ideals” were left over from my childhood, so doing without isn’t an issue. Other things take their place. Blogging. Solving pencil puzzles. Painting by number. Gardening. Sometimes even visits with friends, whether impromptu or planned.

Best of all, I know that this is an ideal life. Since I’m in the aforementioned state of spoilage, I have no idea how long this particular phase of my life will last, though I tend to think that whatever happens, since I’m in the habit of being grateful for whatever life I have, I’ll find that an ideal life, too. Eventually, anyway. And if not, well, that life is in the future, and the future is up for grabs.

But I do know what today is like since I’m living it, and for me, it is the ideal life.

***

Pat Bertram is the author of Grief: The Inside Story – A Guide to Surviving the Loss of a Loved One

Ordinariness as a Super Power

Daily writing prompt
What super power do you wish you had and why?

When I was young, I thought mental super powers, such as telepathy and telekinesis, as well as the ability to see ghosts, were a sign of an advanced spirituality, that people who had such abilities vibrated at a higher frequency than normal. I found it disappointing that I was merely normal, not supranormal, just one of the masses. Nothing extraordinary.

Now I find comfort in that ordinariness. I’m glad I can’t read people’s thoughts, even more glad that they can’t read mine. To tell the truth, for the most part, I don’t even want to be privy to my own thoughts, which is why I try to focus on the moment and not let my thoughts overwhelm me. Besides, who needs telepathy when there is writing — seeing a few words or writing a few words exchanges thoughts from one person to another in a quite orderly and controlled manner. And conversation, of course. That’s an even more ordinary way of learning someone’s thoughts.

The telekinesis I exhibit is the ability to get up and get what I want, which is pretty remarkable, when you think of it. As for ghosts . . . no. Just no. My sister says she saw a ghost in my house, and if that old lady ghost lives here, at least she isn’t bothersome. I like being alone in my own space.

Although I sometimes think it would be great having the ability to manipulate the earth’s energy as do the power-wielders in The Wheel of Time books, I don’t see how that would add to my life. When I am reading those books, I can almost see the veneer of the world parting to allow me to step from one place to another, but there’s really no place I want to be other than where I am.

Unless a person is living in a comic strip or a magical novel, most super powers seem superfluous. Being able to fly, become invisible, shapeshift, time travel, control people’s minds, manipulate the weather, use elements such as fire and metal and water, foretell the future, live forever — it all seems too much of a good thing. I wouldn’t want to be burdened with any of it.

I tend to think my super power, if there is such a thing, is my ordinariness. Now that I am not young enough to want to be special, I would choose to be ordinary even it wasn’t already within my grasp. Because truly, ordinariness is a super power. At least, it is for me.

I can be . . . me. I don’t need to be someone other than what I am. Don’t need to grasp for specialness. Don’t need to compare myself to others. Don’t need to reach beyond what I have. Being ordinary and accepting my ordinariness allows me to embrace the special joys that come from simple pleasures, allows me to look beyond myself and engage in meaningful moments with others. Admittedly, ordinariness isn’t the sort of super power that creates comic book characters, but it’s the sort of power that allows a person to live a life of peace.

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Pat Bertram is the author of Grief: The Inside Story – A Guide to Surviving the Loss of a Loved One

Family Mysteries

Daily writing prompt
What’s a mystery from your own life that you’ve never solved?

I’ve always loved stories about family mysteries and secrets. It’s such a delicious feeling reading about people discovering that what they thought they knew, they didn’t. That their reality was in truth something completely different.

If there are any secrets in my family, they are just that — secret — since I have never heard of any. There are a couple of interesting family stories, though, with maybe a bit of mystery attached.

According to family lore, our family comes by its insanity naturally — we inherited it. My great-grandfather was a scientist and inventor. He worked with Edison and other renowned scientists of the day, perhaps even Tesla. He invented the postmarking machine and foolishly sold the patent to get funds to invent a subway sweeper that never caught on. The people who supposedly did him a favor by buying the patent, became very rich because that postmarking machine was used continuously until the digital age made it obsolete. This otherwise intelligent man had been married twice. One wife he threw down the stairs. The other he consigned to the Lunatic Asylum on Blackwell’s Island.

No one knows which of my great-grandfather’s wives is my great-grandmother (and therein lies whatever mystery this story contains), but even if she weren’t the one committed (especially since there’s a chance he had her committed for his own reasons rather than her mental state), the insanity could come from dear old great-grandfather himself because there does seem to be a portion of insanity in incarcerating one woman and tossing another down the stairs.

Whatever genius he had wasn’t passed on to me, which is just as well. Too many geniuses seem to be unbalanced, and I much prefer the balance I’ve managed to find in my life.

There is another story that I think about — my mother’s brother ran away in his teens. He couldn’t handle school, was considered slow, but who knows the truth of that. Back then they didn’t have names like dyslexic, and ADHD, and whatever else they call kids who have a hard time in school. This uncle completely disappeared. No one in the family ever heard from him again. A couple of decades ago, the church in the small town where my mother and her siblings were raised got a request from a family in Florida for his birth certificate so they could arrange his funeral. Wait — does that make sense? Why would they need a birth certificate? Anyway, for whatever reason, the family contacted the church, and that’s when his siblings found out he’d been living with this family as a caretaker, jack-of-all trades, and adopted grandfather. I have no idea when or how he met up with this family. I don’t know what he’d been doing after he ran away. I never even knew he existed, frankly. But it does make me happy that this boy who ran away because he didn’t fit found a place where he did fit.

No much as secrets go, but there it is. My family life laid bare.

Eccentric scientist with wild hair and glasses holding a flask with green and purple liquid in a cluttered lab with sparks and chemical equipment

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Pat Bertram is the author of Grief: The Inside Story – A Guide to Surviving the Loss of a Loved One

Frozen Moment

Daily writing prompt
What’s a moment you wish you could freeze and live in forever?

What’s a moment you wish you could freeze and live in forever? What a question! There’s nothing I like enough to see or feel or taste or experience forever. Sounds like a hell to me.

It makes me wonder, though — if we were locked into a single moment, would we even notice? I mean, when you think about it, we live in our minds, in our memories. The only thing that distinguishes one moment from another is the memory of what has gone before and the forward memory of what will come after (because except in rare cases of accidents and instantaneous body breakdowns, we can almost be assured that the moment after this one will be almost identical to this one). Without a memory of the past and without a forward “memory” of what is to come, the isolated moment we’d live in might as well be frozen forever because we wouldn’t know the difference.

It is interesting to think how the moment preceding this one and the moment following are almost identical except perhaps for an indiscernible change, and yet those indiscernible changes add up to be significant changes over time.

If I were to expand the question from a moment to longer period of time that I absolutely had to freeze and live in forever, I imagine a couple of mornings ago before winter returned would be as good as any. It was perfect weather: not too warm, not too cool, no wind. The flowers were blooming cheerily, the greenery jewel bright. I was feeling good — no aches or pains — and able to bend to pick weeds without any trouble. The neighborhood was quiet, no loud noises — just the crunch of gravel beneath my feet and the sound of an indrawn breath or two when I did too much weed-pulling. I was living totally in the moment — or rather, in that series of moments — with no thoughts of anything but me in my garden. Me as part of the garden.

Sounds lovely, doesn’t it? Always to be pain-free, always in perfect weather, never hungry or thirsty.

But even perfection palls. I could have been outside longer than I was, but I got thirsty, tired, even (dare I say it?) bored.

Of course, in that frozen forever time, none of those hampering sensations would have happened, but still, stasis is never a desirable objective. We are dynamic beings, always on the move, even if we are frozen in place. The earth hurtles around the sun at 67,000 mph. The sun hurtles around the galaxy at 140 miles per second. The entire universe is also moving and expanding, so from one second to the next we are in a completely different place with a possibility of different factors.

And so things change, will I, nill I.

Still, I do have to admit, that was a lovely morning, frozen in memory if not in time.

***

Pat Bertram is the author of Grief: The Inside Story – A Guide to Surviving the Loss of a Loved One

Garden Stroll Part Two

I’ve been posting more this year about what’s growing in my yard because . . . well, because this year there’s more growing in my yard. So, come stroll with me, and I’ll show you some of what is giving me so much pleasure.

In the very middle of the above photo, is a pretty blend of colors — pink ice plant, blue flax, orange wallflower. And lots of green!

Come summer, these plants will bloom with purple magus echinacea, yellow coreopsis, daisies, and cottage pinks, but for now, I’m enjoying those healthy-looking plants.

In the middle far left of that same top photo, is a splash of pink ice plant. The picture doesn’t do it justice — as you can see, the ice plant forms a solid mat of gorgeous blooms. (All of that from two plants I bought a few years ago!)

Behind me, as I’m standing taking these photos, is my hens and chicks garden.

It’s hard to see the detail because some of the plants seem to blend with the ground, but as you can (maybe) see, there are three colors of succulent: purple, bright green, and dull green. The entire garden of hen and chicks came from five dull green plants, two bright green and one purple.

One of the many miracles of gardening is how you can get many plants from one.

Yesterday, I’d planned to get the petunias and other plants I need for my containers and to fill out empty spots in the garden areas, but there’s a chance for a freeze in the next few days, so I’m playing it safe. But still, there’s plenty to show off on this garden stroll. Thank you for walking with me!

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Pat Bertram is the author of Grief: The Inside Story – A Guide to Surviving the Loss of a Loved One

 

Garden Stroll

With so much the contention in the world right now, we all need a little peace in our lives, so come stroll with me and I’ll show you my garden. That garden, in itself, brings peace — at least to me — so I’m especially lucky that things are growing well this year.

Walk down the path, almost to the garage, you will find this lovely pastoral scene hiding behind the greenery.

I have no idea why the garden is so lovely this year. Winter was warmer but also drier, so those two conditions should have cancelled each other out, but instead, what I have is a lush springtime yard.

The larkspur, seen along the fence in the two top photos, are growing well, though that’s not a surprise. Larkspur does exceptionally well in this climate, and always I am glad to see the frilly foliage. More than even a robin, larkspur herald spring. It’s interesting that although I started out with only purple larkspur, each year, more colors bloom.

In the forefront of the pastoral photo (second from the top) is a yellow columbine. Oddly, there are also white columbines on that same plant. But that’s no problem. Any columbine is welcome!

Truly, the columbines are prolific and gorgeous this year. The orange wallflowers in the background of the following photo are hanging around longer than they normally do, which is a thrill for me because that sunrise color sure brightens the day!

I could post more photos, but I don’t want to overwhelm anyone (or tire you out with such a strenuous walk), so I’ll continue this garden stroll tomorrow.

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Pat Bertram is the author of Grief: The Inside Story – A Guide to Surviving the Loss of a Loved One